Chapter 16

Reagan:

I didn’t know I could fall in love with an office. Emma had books upon books, lining almost every single wall. She even had one of those ladders to get up where it was too high. I would have liked to stop and stare at all of them, but we had things to do.

“I have a list,” Emma said, sliding a clipboard over to us from the other side of the table. “There are eleven girls on it, ranging from eighteen to twenty-four. They’re all willing to meet with you.”

I frowned hard at that list, seeing a photo at the top of each page Noah had. “This is how you’re going to find a mate? The love of your life? It feels so… cold.”

“What choice do I have?” Noah asked. “I have a time limit.”

I knew that, but there must have been something he could do to extend his time. I didn’t think for a second this would actually bring him a mate. How could it?

“What happens next?” I asked Emma. “If he likes one of the girls, what then?”

The woman crossed her arms. “If they get along, that’s up to Noah and the girl. If he wants to stay, that’s fine. If she wants to go back with you to get to know the pack and the both of you better, then we can work it out. It’s really up to the girl and Noah.”

I looked to my friend, who stared blankly at the list of girls. Noah looked about as excited as I felt. It must have been horrifying, having this pressure on his shoulders. If someone handed me a list and said I had to fall in love with one a stranger in a few weeks… I wouldn’t have handled it as well as Noah.

My eyes still studied the pages Noah flipped through. “Is this a normal thing you guys do?”

“It’s not typical, no, but it’s not unheard of. I’m sure there’s going to be a slight adjustment and a little awkwardness, but that shouldn’t last long. Would you like me to send the first girl in?”

“Um… sure,” Noah said. “Thanks.”

I waited until Emma left, and even then, I still spoke in a whisper. “We’re about to interview girls to become your mate. Like, for real.”

Noah have me a flat stare. “You think I don’t realize the gravity of the situation?”

“I’m just making sure.”

“Believe it or not, there’s nothing else on my mind other than the fact that I have to go through a bunch of random fucking people and pray to the gods I fall in love with one of them.”

I sighed, disheartened already. “Is there no better way to do this? Can’t we figure something else out?”

“Maybe if I had more time, but I don’t. Unless your powers can make a girl appear out of thin air, have what I’m looking for, and be able to put up with me, then we’re doomed.”

“I can barely put up with you, so you might be out of luck.” I ended on a grin.

Noah tried not to smile. “You think you’re so damn cute, don’t you?”

I threw my arms over his shoulders, resting my chin on his shoulder. “Not at all.”

“Liar.”

His face was close to mine. So close that I leaned toward him, touching the tip of his nose with mine. I held it, hoping it would irritate him at least a little. It might have worked as a minor distraction. He lifted an eyebrow at me instead of getting annoyed.

“You’re a little weirdo,” he said to me.

I pulled back so we stopped touching, but I still leaned on his shoulder. “That’s what happens when you grow up in a closet.

He growled low in his chest, but he said nothing more on the matter.

I still leaned on him when the first girl walked in. I thought Noah would have shaken me off by then, but he let it go on. In fact, he’d let me touch him several times since we’d Mended, and he’d moved me over to his bed the night before. I thought he didn’t like being touched, but I must have been missing something.

Maddie took a seat across from Noah, smiling kindly at him.

Don’t like her, a voice in my head sighed dismissively.

What? You don’t know her. Wait… Great, I’m talking to the voice now.

Don’t like her. Make her leave. Growl and scare her.

“Nice to meet you officially,” the girl said, flipping hair over her shoulder. Her hazel eyes stayed on Noah, not even glancing at me. “Again, I’m Maddie.”

“Noah,” my friend said. “This is Reagan.”

“Hi,” Maddie said, still not looking at me. “So, Noah, what are you looking for in a mate?”

Right to it, huh?

Don’t like her, I heard again. I sat up straight and kept my eyes trained on her. I was ready for even the slightest mistake.

“Um,” Noah started, scratching the back of his head. “Do you want kids?”

Maddie blinked. “Sure.”

Noah stared. “But… do you?”

“If you want kids, then sure.”

I rolled my eyes, leaning toward her. “You smell like you’re lying, so I think you need to speak honestly. We’ll find out the truth no matter what. You’re just wasting all our time.”

Emma smirked from the desk in the corner, lifting a book up to hide her face.

Maddie sneered at me. “Do you have to be here?”

“Yes,” Noah and I said at the same time.

Maddie let out a sigh. “I don’t know. I guess I never really thought about kids. Maybe one or two.”

“Total?” Noah asked.

The girl gave him a weird look. “Meaning?”

“Meaning, I have a lot of siblings. Little siblings. I spend most of my days taking care of them, and it’s a lot of work.”

I smiled to myself, missing the kids. “It’s very loud there,” I said, still smiling. “You don’t even get a full minute where you don’t hear the kids playing. I imagine Noah would probably want another kid around the house in the next…”

“Three years,” we both said at the same time. I went on. “As soon as the babies start getting old enough to not need as much care. So how do you feel about having more kids in the next handful of years?”

Maddie swallowed. “I’m nineteen.”

“Me too,” I answered.

She stared at her hands, flat on the table. “I don’t know about three years. Maybe eight.”

“Eight,” Noah said. “There would be such a gap between Allison and the new baby.”

“They wouldn’t have anyone to play with,” I said.

“A babysitter though.”

“Do we want that?”

“I think that’s up to Allison.”

“Good point.”

Maddie stared between the two of us. “Is there another question you wanna ask me?”

“Do you have any questions?” Noah said.

A slight smile reappeared. “How big is your pack?”

“Personal question,” he responded.

“You don’t know the answer?” I asked. “I’m surprised you wouldn’t have that information. Did you even know he had brothers and sisters?”

She shook her head.

That struck me as strange. “What do you know about Noah then?”

We both waited. I thought she would start rattling off some facts that didn’t really amount to anything, but she stayed oddly quiet. Surely, she knew a bit. Noah had a whole file since he had no idea who he was meeting, but he wouldn’t have, of course. These girls had to choose Noah specifically.

“Your parents are dead,” Maddie said. “And you have to find a mate soon.”

Noah nodded. “Impressive. Is that all?”

“What else do I need to know?”

Noah and I gave each other a look.

“What makes you qualified to be an alpha?” Noah asked. “Because there’s no waiting. If we mate, that’s it. I’m already alpha.”

“I know.” She sat up straighter, her fingers laced on the table. “I think I have very good leadership skills.”

“Based on?” I said, waiting.

We waited for a long, long time before she started mentioning how well she did in school and how many clubs she had been in. I started zoning out, wanting so badly for this to be over. The poor girl tried so hard and I knew it would all be for nothing.

“So?” I started after she left. “Do you think you can fall in love with her?” I had to make an effort to keep my voice even, that thing in my head wanting it to come out like a defensive growl.

Noah snorted. “Yeah, totally. She sounded so excited at the idea of being in a house full of kids.”

“I don’t understand how someone couldn’t be. You get to look at happy babies all day. Everything makes them smile. It’s so calming.”

Noah agreed.

I turned to him slightly, my knees knocking together. “And since you and me are going to be living together probably for the rest of our lives, I bet there’s always going to be kids in the house. Ours, and then their kids, and maybe even more that you can adopt if they need a home.”

Noah didn’t say anything. He didn’t really need to say anything, because I felt like I knew what went on in his head anyway.

“Should I send the next one in?” Emma asked from her desk, pulling my and Noah’s attention away from each other.

“Sure,” he answered.

Don’t like her, popped into my head with the next girl.

And the next.

And the next.

We would try and ask questions, and a lot of the girls would give the answer they thought Noah wanted to hear. It wasn’t hard to sniff out the ones who wanted power. They focused too much on Noah, pretending I didn’t exist. I should have been relieved at that, but I found myself poking my nose into the conversation, having questions of my own.

“I’m screwed,” Noah sighed, putting his head down on the table. “I’m so screwed.”

I put my hand on his back, gently running my nails back and forth. “You’re not screwed just yet. If you don’t find someone here, then maybe we need to drive a little farther next time. There’s someone, Noah. You only need to find her.”

Emma stood in front of the table. She had the file in her hands, reading it over. “Maybe you should steer away from so many questions about the kids.”

“They’re what matter,” Noah said at the same time I said, “They’re what’s most important.”

Emma blinked at us. “Wow, you can really feel the fresh Mend on you two. I understand that the kids are important, but there are a lot of other things you need to be on the same page with. This is about you, Noah. This is about you falling in love, so ask the things that your heart wants to know.”

“My heart wants to know that my mate is going to love my kids as much as I do. My heart wants a mate who would die for them if need be. Someone whose most basic instinct is to protect our family.”

“There are a lot of other things,” Emma repeated before she went to get the next person.

I sat back, crossing my legs as I stared up at the clock. I had no idea how to read it. I nearly asked for Noah’s phone, but he was already on it, texting Pippa for an update. He looked tense and stiff until the moment a picture came in of all the kids gathered around the TV.

“Do you need a break?” I asked.

“I should be okay.”

“You sure?”

“It’s not like I really have time anyway. We’re here for another day or two, tops. I’ll probably have to meet with all these people again.”

The doors opened again. Emma led a girl in, both of them coming directly for our table. The girl stood tall. She had a kind smile as she approached and held her hand out to me. At the same time she held one out to Noah.

“Nice to meet you,” she said as I shook her hand. “I’m Lucy.”

Noah didn’t take her hand. He looked at it for a long moment, not seeming to know what to do. I did my best to fix it.

“He’s got a cold,” I whispered, my nose wrinkled in a little grin. “You might want to save the handshake.”

“Oh,” Lucy laughed. “Sorry.”

“No problem,” Noah said. “Thanks for coming out.”

Lucy took a seat, and Emma dismissed herself to go check on her mate.

Lucy folded her hands on her lap. I knew it wasn’t nice to judge a book by its cover, but she seemed kind of introverted. At least, more so than the other girls. Her pale brown hair had been tied up in a neat bun, not a single hair out of place. Her chocolate-colored eyes looked clear and focused. I noticed her nails had been painted black and white with little red dots all over them. It must have taken a while, and it got me wondering if that stayed on during a shift.

“I’ll start with a basic one,” Noah said. “What brings you here today? Why when you heard I was looking for a mate, did you want to throw your hat in this sad, sad ring?”

Her lips turned up. “This is going to sound really, really corny.”

“Try me.”

“Okay, well I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, praying to the moon and hoping for an answer. My parents were mated at fifteen, and my older brothers were both mated before they were even twenty. I just turned twenty-one and I haven’t so much as met anyone I might be interested in. I was going to look into some kind of match making service for wolves, and literally two weeks later Emma told us all about you. I like to think that this was an answer to my concerns. I know how that sounds.”

I looked to Noah, expecting he would dismiss her.

“I can see why you’d think that,” he responded. “The timing is interesting to say the least.”

“Yeah,” Lucy agreed. “I’ve honestly never given a thought to being an alpha, so that aspect is a little bit terrifying,” she laughed nervously. “But I’m interested in the rest of it. Ya know, moving out to a new place, maybe eventually starting a family.”

“You like kids?”

“I help babysit here, actually. I have three little sisters I take care of while our parents work. I can change a diaper with one hand and in the dark.”

Noah laughed with her that time.

Don’t! Like! Her!

I’d never heard the voice that clearly before. It sounded like a real-life voice right beside me. It hadn’t sounded anything like this since the day I’d fought my way out of the compound.

“Would you mind if I asked you guys a couple of questions?” Lucy said. “I can wait until the end if you want.”

“Go ahead,” Noah offered.

The girl turned to me. “You aren’t a wolf?”

“Alium,” I said, my voice oddly stony. “Does that bother you?”

“Not at all. I went to public school and a handful of my friends are Alium. I know quite a bit about your kind.”

Wonderful…

“Then you should know I’m half Alium.” The words came from Noah, throwing me off. He hadn’t mentioned that fact to any of the other girls. I hadn’t thought he would have, since it took him days to tell even me.

“Half?” Lucy asked. “I… didn’t know that was possible.”

“Me neither. So if I have kids, there’s a better than not chance they’ll be something weird. How do you feel about that?”

She thought for a few seconds before answering. “I guess as long as they’re healthy, it doesn’t really matter. They would be safe in the pack no matter what they were. I would make sure of it.”

The voice in my head had melted to a snarl when I looked to the side, seeing that Noah had his full attention on Lucy. I waited what felt like forever, thinking he would look to me. We hadn’t gone longer than thirty seconds without stealing glances since we’d mended.

“How are you with public speaking?” he asked Lucy.

“I don’t really mind it. I’m more of a paperwork kinda person. I like doing behind the scenes things. Busy work. That probably sounds dorky…”

“Not at all,” Noah laughed again. “What do you like to do in your free time?”

“Read mostly. I like a little of everything. You?”

Before Noah could answer, I leaned in close to his ear. “I’m going to step out for a couple of minutes.”

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Fine,” I lied, already standing to get out from behind the table.

“Oh, nice to talk to you,” Lucy said, going for another handshake.

Do. Not. Leave. Her. Alone. With. Him. The growl screamed in my ears, matching the way my blood raced and drowned out everything else. My breathing tightened, and I had no idea why.

I got the fuck out of there in a hurry. Noah needed some time alone with the girl, and without me hovering. If he wanted to get to know her, he would probably want that.

I shoved my way into the room next door, not noticing the dim lighting until I bumped into the table right in front of me. I cursed, then heard someone moaning with irritation.

“Oh god!” I gasped. “I’m so, so sorry! I forgot anyone was in here.”

A very pregnant woman was asleep on the couch. Or, she had been before I’d showed up. She had a halo of black hair, and skin slightly darker than mine. She straightened out her blue and green dress as she tried to sit up, grunting with both her hands on her swollen stomach.

I cursed again, trying to get to the door. I might have if I hadn’t knocked my knee into the table, sending a lamp crashing to the ground. The woman watched it go, lifting an eyebrow at it.

“Honey,” she said.

“Sorry! I wasn’t even paying att—oh god—I’m so sorry.”

“Honey.”

“I’m just gonna go.”

I turned, my hand on the doorknob as my heart tried beating out of my chest. I didn’t know what to say other than sorry a hundred thousand times. I tried to, but the woman cut me off again.

“Honey! Do me a favor and close your mouth for a second.”

I did.

She smiled, sitting back. “Thanks. You’re fine. I’m not upset. I didn’t even mean to fall asleep. It just smells like cinnamon in here and I have two little wolves cooking and that’s a recipe for naps.”

I took a breath, my back pressed against the door. “Oh, you’re Emma’s wife, right? Mate. Sorry.”

“Mary,” she answered. “And I’m both.”

My eyes went to her stomach.

She put another hand over it. “It’s not rude to ask.”

“Is it not?”

She shook her head. “Emma’s eggs and my body. That way, one of them can still be alpha, and we both get a hand in it. She didn’t want to be pregnant anyway. It’s a little dangerous when she might have to get physical sometimes.”

I took a few steps closer into the room. “Ah, makes sense. Sorry,” I said again. “I don’t know much about how this stuff works. I’m Reagan, by the way.”

“Oh, you’re the one who showed up with the alpha boy.” She patted the couch, telling me to have a seat. “You look like you’re about to throw up. You wanna feel babies kick? It’s really freaky but super cool at the same time.”

I hesitated to put my hand on a stranger, but when it hovered in the air, Mary did it for me. She searched around for a spot, pressing my hand close against her skin. I gasped when I felt something move.

“Weird, right?” she asked with the biggest grin. “I love it.”

I smiled too. “Yeah, that’s cool.”

We went quiet in the little office, and I kept feeling the babies kicking. I should have taken my hand away, but it was too captivating. My eyes stung, the smallest bit of jealousy coming out of nowhere. It seemed like such a normal thing, to get to be married and starting a family. I’d never even bothered to wish for it, knowing it couldn’t happen. Now it could, and I couldn’t think about anything else when I felt those kids kick. I could do anything I wanted with my life. I could pick a career, get married, have children. I could build a car from old parts, or get a pilot’s license. How did people deal with having so many choices?

“Why do you look like you’re about to cry?” Mary asked.

I sniffled. “Because I’m all fucked up on the inside. Tears like to show up when they’re not invited.”

“Oh, I know something about that. You looked all keyed up when you walked in too. Did something happen?”

I shook my head, feeling the babies kick again. “I wanted to give Noah some time alone with the girl he’s trying to get to know. I felt like I needed to scram, ya know?”

“Sure. Well, you can stay in here as long as you need to.”

I planned on it.