Chapter 12

Reagan:

The bed had felt oddly empty when I slept without the children in it. It hadn’t been a good night. Sleeping didn’t work out for me when I was alone in a room, and all I wanted was someone—anyone—beside me.

A couple of the kids had been offended when they’d woken up the day before and I hadn’t been there, but I explained that I’d needed to go for a walk. Pippa had seemed curious as to why I’d woken up screaming, but she didn’t ask me what I’d dreamed about. I thanked the gods for that, because I couldn’t tell the story twice in one day.

I got up at a reasonable time this morning, hearing the chaos of a full house. It made me smile, thinking about the many kids. It felt somehow safer, like bad things couldn’t happen if with little kids all around us. I knew all too well that wasn’t true though.

When I got to the bottom of the steps, I heard the voice of a crabby teen getting closer and closer.

“Pants are stupid,” that voice grumbled from the stairs.

I turned to see Pippa, with Noah trailing behind her. She was clad in what I could only think of as princess jammies. They were pants and a button up, both way, way too baggy for her. But they looked like silk that made me picture running my hand up and down the fabric. Her hair was a mess too. She had on no makeup, her cheeks were pink, and her eyes were sleepy.

“You have pants on,” Noah said, walking past her on the stairs. “No one made you do that.”

“These don’t really count as pants,” she countered. “Only enough to be irritating. Why must I eat? If not for food and school, I could spend so much more time without clothes on.”

Pippa barely finished with her groan when a train of small children came barreling down the stairs. They shouted about something I couldn’t understand. Clare was at the very end of the line. Noah scooped her up before she knew what happened, and tossed her in the air, getting a giggle. He threw her over his shoulder, letting her kick her legs as she fake-protested.

“Ah! You got me!” she yelled.

“I did!” Noah yelled back. “That’s what you get for not eating your carrots.”

“They’re gross!”

“You’re gross!” one of the kids called back to her.

I watched Noah, grinning as he played with his little sister. It was nice to see him like this rather than worried or grumpy. It started to feel like he could only be angry, and I thought I might have brought that out in him. Might that still have been the case if he could be happy with me around? Though, probably hadn’t seen me yet.

“Let! Me! Freeeee!” Clare shouted, making me look to her. She tried to make a break for it, dangling from Noah’s grasp now. He had mercy on her, setting the girl on her feet. Clare gave a huff, turning around and staring daggers up at Noah. “Why did you put me down?”

He laughed. “Oh, did I read that wrong?”

The girl groaned with exasperation, stomping her foot. “You aren’t supposed to make it easy!”

“I’ll remember that. I suggest you run.”

She giggled loudly before taking off in a dead sprint. Noah took off right behind her, running just slow enough to let her get away. She ducked behind the counter, taking a peek around the corner to see if she was safe. Noah hid, making her come out even more. When Clare thought she had gotten away, Noah popped out and roared at her, knocking her on her butt. She laughed, hurrying to get up before he could catch her.

Pippa had plopped herself down on the couch, now holding a book I hadn’t seen her bringing down the stairs. I wondered if she had the things stashed away in all corners of the house.

Clare went to go sit on the couch with her sister as Noah headed to the kitchen to start cooking. He had all the burners turned on in seconds, then he gathered up all the ingredients needed to feed a small army. Naturally, I joined him in the kitchen.

“You need something?” Noah asked without even turning to look at me. It made me worry that he knew my scent. I didn’t know how that sort of thing worked.

“I wanted to help.”

For that, he turned. His eyebrow raised as if the idea of me helping sounded insane. “Do you know how to cook?”

I hadn’t thought of that. “Um… no.”

“Then you should go sit down.”

When he got back to work, I slid up to him and hopped up onto the counter. My feet dangled off the edge. The sweater was long enough that I looked like I didn’t have pants on. It wasn’t mine, but it had showed up in my dresser after Pippa gathered up clothes for me.

“I want to help,” I said, loud and clear to the man pushing eggs around a pan.

“You can’t help. It’s not your job to help. You would only get in the way.”

I gasped. “So rude. Do I have to shove you aside and take over?”

He turned to me. “Hands off, tiny.”

“Tiny? Look, you can decide how I help, or I can decide. You have three seconds.”

His stare turned into a glower. “It’s like you want to get yourself into a fight. You know what would happen if you were like this with any wolf outside this house? They would eat you.”

I leaned closer, staring intently. “Is it your kindness that keeps you from eating me then?”

“Yes,” Noah growled.

“Okay then. Well, I’m gonna help you out. If you want to stop me, then I suppose you can eat me.”

Pippa giggled while I jumped off the counter. Noah flipped her off. I completely missed something. I must have, because I didn’t know what was so funny.

I set the table and got all the kids in their seats. It took some chasing to pin Simon down, since he’d decided he needed to be a wolf. When I finally got him human again and dressed, I sat him down.

Noah turned around, the first of two plates in his hands. He paused when he saw the table full of kids, staring too hard at it. I waited for him to say something. I gave him a smirk, trying hard not to look smug. I’d done good and he knew it. I only got a grumble in response.

We all sat down after I helped Noah put the food on the table. He looked like he wanted to put his hands on my shoulders and sit me down, but I made no move to take my seat until we could both do it. We sat across from each other, eyes locked.

Pippa whistled. “You two want us to leave?”

Noah snarled at her, and Pippa raised her hands in surrender. He told her to eat, so she did.

I should have been happier that the food was good, than sad that I had to admit Noah was really good at something. With his time always taken up by watching the kids, when did he find the time? He certainly found the time to glare at me.

“Something wrong?” I asked before I pulled a fork out of my mouth.

“Not at all,” he lied, staring me down. “I just have to deal with this girl who likes pushing my buttons for the fun of it.”

“Sounds like something wrong to me.”

Clare shuffled up to Noah, sniffling. All of his focus left me and went to her. His features softened as he bent to the child and asked what was wrong.

“I bit my tongue!” Clare cried, already trying to crawl onto his lap. “Make it stop hurting.”

The girl rested her head on Noah’s shoulder, picking up his arm by the sleeve and holding onto it like a pillow. His hand would have rested on her shoulder, but he wriggled it around until it hung awkwardly in the air.

“Would bacon make you feel better?” Noah asked softly.

Clare shook her head.

“Would soda make you feel better?”

She shook her head again.

“Would a cookie make you feel better?” he whispered.

The girl gasped, sitting up straighter and wiggling in excitement. She watched Noah with wide eyes as he turned and reached into a rubber duckie cookie jar that sat on the middle of the counter. He pulled a chocolate chip cookie out and handed it to Clare. She thanked him as she nibbled on it.

I knew I shouldn’t have stared, but I couldn’t help it. Clare focused on nothing but that cookie, but Noah watched her like she was the only person in the world. He turned into a person so fast, having been an arrogant, angry wolf before.

Noah kissed Clare on the temple before he set her down and they both got back to eating.

After I helped a grumpy Noah with the dishes, I’d gone upstairs to shower and get dressed. I put on jeans and a shirt Pippa had gotten for me. All the clothes I’d brought with me were less than great. Mostly too small, some blood stained.

“Do you have to go?” Allison asked as I got back down the stairs. “I thought we were gonna watch a movie.”

“When I get home,” Noah promised. “I have to go talk to a bunch of dummies for a while. I’ll miss you.”

Allison sighed. “I’ll miss you too.”

He kissed the top of her head, and I pretended I hadn’t been watching when he turned around. When he saw me, he got that grumpy look on his face again. “Are you here to undermine me on something else?”

I shook my head. “You sound a hundred years old.”

“I am. I’m leaving for a few hours. If you need anything, bother Pip.”

When Noah started to walk, I slipped in front of him, blocking his way to the door. I smiled wide, my hands going behind my back as I lifted up on my toes. I didn’t know how to cute my way into anyone’s good graces, but I sure did try.

“What do you want?” Noah asked with a sigh.

“Where are you going?”

“Alpha stuff.”

That wasn’t much of an answer. “Can I go with you?”

“No.”

I frowned. “Ya know what, you’re a lot more pleasant when you’re a wolf. Bring him back out to play.”

He took a few seconds, expression thoughtful. “I don’t have time. Can you move out of the way?”

“I will if you let me come with you.”

“Why the hell would you want to go with me?”

I shrugged. “Curiosity.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “Fine then. Be prepared for being in an actual den of wolves. They aren’t as slow to anger as I am.”

“Then I guess I’ll have to use you to hide behind.”

I walked with Noah all the way to the building at the center of the community. When I could see it, I started realizing that I might not have been ready for such a thing. I couldn’t spend my life hiding in the house because I didn’t know how to be around people. Elena had always spoken for me. She’d always been there to block me from the worst of what being alive had to offer.

I hated being this scared over being around people. It didn’t help that they were all people who’d voted to put me into a cage for a while. They’d been protecting the pack. I understood that.

Noah opened the doors to a room full of people. Some of them bowed at their alpha. It was like he didn’t see them at all. Like he didn’t see anything but the path in front of him. I could only follow closely behind, trying to hide myself from as many people as possible.

Head high, the voice in my head told me. No reason to hide.

I had every reason to hide. I didn’t know how to be a person. I wanted to see the world, but I was terrified of every shadow around me. Why the hell did I even come here?

He walked us into the council room. I saw Adam, Leon, and a woman I knew to be Kara. They didn’t look at me.

“I’m here,” Noah said, already sounding done with it all. “What papers do you have for me to sign today?”

“Do we need the attitude this early in the morning?” Leon asked. “You could at least attempt being pleasant.”

“Why try when you know you’ll fail?”

“That’s a great question, Noah.”

Noah left me to stand at the rows of seats as he approached the table everyone stood around. Noah put his hands on the table, leaning in.

“Why is it that you keep on treating me like I’m not above you?” Noah asked, cool and collected.

“You are in no way above me,” Leon said, barely casting him a look from the papers he’d been staring at. “You’re a child playing at alpha. Have you made any move to save our people, or have you been too busy playing with the Alium?”

I went stiff. I honestly thought he hadn’t even noticed me.

“Playing,” Noah repeated. “You think I’ve been playing? I’ve been working, like you all want.”

“We do want that,” Kara said. “But we need you to focus on the real matter at hand. Signing off on orders isn’t as important as your deadline.”

“Deadline?” I asked, not realizing I had even been speaking. Everyone turned to look at me. Every mistake I’d made today came at me all at once. I didn’t want to start shaking or run away. I stood my ground, pretending I was someone braver.

Leon got this smirk on his face that had me daydreaming about Noah taking a fist to it. He aimed that smirk at me. “He didn’t tell you? Oh, well while he’s been catering to his new ward, we’ve all been dying.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Adam said. “Dying isn’t the right word.

“Dying is the perfect word,” Leon said to him before he looked to me again. “See, I thought Noah was just wasting time with his usual bullshit. Seeing you here now, I’m starting to think you’re causing the distraction.”

“Stop talking,” Noah ordered.

“Why? You don’t want to tell her the truth? You don’t want her to know what you’re doing to us?”

“Leon, you get one more warning.”

“What was your name?” Leon asked me. “Reagan? Well, Reagan, Noah is supposed to be out finding himself another wolf to mate with. His laziness has cost this pack almost all of our power, and the survival of everyone depends on his royal highness getting his shit together, and you’re here causing a distraction.”

I heard growling, but I was already walking out the door. My fists clenched tightly at my sides as I hurried out of the room, wanting to be away from any and all eyes. Even with no idea where to go, I took the nearest path.

I found a bench to sit on in an empty hallway. Windows lined the wall behind me, with trees covering my view. It gave me a place to hide. A place to breathe.

I didn’t look up when I heard Noah’s footsteps. He came to a stop. I could pick his footsteps out of a lineup.

“He should have kept his mouth shut,” Noah said.

I sat back on the bench, my body pressed against cold glass. “Your pack is dying? Why would you take me in? You don’t have time for something like that. You don’t have the power.”

Noah walked toward me, hands out as he explained. “Dying really wasn’t the right word. We just don’t have magic like we used to. Shifting is harder. It takes more out of you.”

“Is that why you slept for six hours yesterday after the shift?”

He nodded.

“How do you get more magic? Are you trying to do that? Am I distracting you? I, I can leave. If I have to, I can go. I don’t want to be the cause of even more death.”

Noah’s hands slipped into his pockets as he sat beside me on the bench, the wood creaking. “You were a setback only in the sense that it took some time that I don’t have. It’s hardly your fault.”

I didn’t believe him. “I can’t be the reason more people… What do you have to do to fix this? I know what happens when wolves lose their magic. I’ve heard the stories. Droves and droves of people unable to protect themselves. What do you have to do?”

He rubbed his hands on his pants, sighing heavily. “I need to find a mate.”

My mind went blank for a moment. “That moron was serious?”

That made Noah smile. “Yeah. Do you know how the alpha stuff in a pack works?”

I shook my head.

“To make a very long and very boring explanation short, an alpha needs a mate in order to get the pack optimum power. Since we’re already small, that matter is all the more pressing. We have far less to give the moon, and it really doesn’t help that I don’t have a mate.”

I didn’t understand. “But what if you don’t want a mate? Not everyone wants to be with someone.”

Noah shrugged. “It’s kind of fucked up, but there’s no choice in the matter. An alpha with a bigger pack can get away with it, but I can’t. Even back when my father was alive, we were strong enough that we managed with his mate not being a wolf. But we were barely scraping by, even then. Now, we’re far more desperate.”

I took a breath. “You don’t seem like you want a mate.”

“I don’t.”

“And there’s nothing you can do about it?”

He waited a beat before going on. “No, not really. When you’re an alpha, you can pick who you want as a mate. A female wolf would be ideal for me, not only because I like girls, but because the truest alpha after me would be my first born. If I got hit by a car, then Pippa would be the next best choice. The problem is that all optimum power would be lost forever. My pack wouldn’t get the strength they need. If I had a kid before I died, then that kid would have all the possibility for power that I have.”

I nodded as if I followed. “So then you’re alpha, and what does your mate do?”

“My mate would have equal power to me. They’re just as much an alpha as I am, but I’m still where the blood begins and ends. If I died, they would be alpha. They could give us the magic we would need, but no matter what, the blood that started the pack is the best shot you can ever have. My mate would be alpha until our child is old enough. If all that happened, of course.”

I blew out a breath. “Sounds complicated, being a wolf. What are you going to do?”

“The very best I can.”