Chapter 69
ELARA’S POV
I perched on the side of my bed, the faded blanket rubbing roughly against my legs. The quiet in the chamber felt oppressive, interrupted only by the steady drumming of my fingers on the wooden frame. I nibbled at my lower lip, an anxious tic I’d never fully outgrown.
All at once, my attention was drawn to a pristine white envelope resting on the nightstand next to my bed. How had I missed this earlier? Why was I only spotting it now? My pulse quickened. I wasn’t meant to get any correspondence… and honestly, I wasn’t anticipating anything from anybody. So, who on earth could have sent this?
A chill of unease crept along my back. I attempted to brush it aside, convincing myself it was likely just a letter that had been misplaced. After all, if it was intended for me, Clara would have mentioned it before she headed off for the evening.
But what if someone had slipped into my room without me knowing? I made an effort to stay optimistic, yet a persistent whisper in the depths of my thoughts suggested this might be far from a simple note.
With some reluctance, I rose to my feet and grasped the letter. The material was sleek and chilly beneath my touch. There wasn’t any sender’s address, only my name elegantly inscribed on the front in a handwriting I didn’t recognize. I paused, a tight lump building in my gut. Did I dare open it? Was I prepared for whatever revelations it might hold?
Before I could decide, the door creaked open, and Kael stepped inside.
My breathing faltered for a second. I hastily clenched the letter in my fist, wrinkling its corners a bit, and on impulse, tucked it into my sleeve. It was an automatic response, and I didn’t even pause to wonder why I’d done it.
“I was checking to see if you’d gone to sleep yet,” Kael murmured, his tone soft and caring. His gaze roamed over my features, as if probing for an answer to some unspoken question.
“Uh-huh…” I answered, my pitch coming out a tad too shrill. I glanced around the space, feigning interest in locating something—anything—to divert his attention and mine from the concealed envelope pressed against my skin. “I’m just feeling a bit uneasy.”
“Me too,” he confessed, a touch of openness in his words. “Would you like to join me in my library? I remember how much you enjoy diving into books, and truthfully, I’d appreciate having you there with me. Or would that be too much for you right now?”
He was making an effort, that much was clear. Striving to close the distance that had widened between us, attempting to atone for what had happened before. But the history we shared was a burdensome load, and what lay ahead was full of unknowns.
“No,” I responded, shaking my head. I truly craved some change of scenery and something to take my mind off things, far from this room that now seemed like an ornate prison. The walls appeared to be inching closer, and the hush was almost unbearable. I rested a palm on my belly, caressing it softly. “I’ll come along. I could use the solace as well.”
Kael’s expression brightened with a sincere grin, something rare and truly valuable to witness. He extended his hand toward me. I wavered briefly, then accepted it. The contact sparked a tremor through my body, a well-known warmth that felt both reassuring and disconcerting.
We left my quarters and made our way to his study, the quiet hanging between us heavy with things left unsaid. Once inside, I headed straight for his collection of books, my eyes skimming the spines in search of a title intriguing enough to pull me into a different reality.
My sight settled on an aged, leather-covered volume. It had once belonged to me.
“Kael—” I started, my words getting stuck in my throat.
But when I pivoted to look at him, he was already right there, positioned so near that I could sense the warmth emanating from him. He offered a smile, his eyes brimming with a poignant gentleness, as he extended his fingers and lightly brushed them over the book’s surface.
“This was your absolute favorite,” he remarked, his voice a quiet rumble. “After you’d gone… I stumbled upon it, and I just couldn’t bear to discard it. So, I held onto it… and besides, every time I glanced at it, it brought you back to mind.”
“Kael—” I tried once more, aiming to clarify, to reveal the letter, to share the hidden truth I was carrying, but he pressed on, unintentionally silencing me.
“I can’t say how much time it might require,” he continued, his tone laden with feeling. “But… I’d do whatever it takes for you to truly forgive me.”
I released a deep breath, my posture sagging. This situation had spiraled into something far more intricate than I’d ever anticipated. “Kael… I’ve already forgiven you,” I murmured, my voice scarcely audible. “I get it now—why you made those choices. But… my affections are with another person now… and I’m carrying his baby. You have to understand how challenging this all is for me.”
“I do,” he replied, his stare unwavering and fervent. “But… is there really no room left for me in your heart? I realize I’m acting out of self-interest, but Elara, I—”
“You’ve still got Seraphina,” I cut in, hoping to redirect the discussion.
“I don’t have feelings for her,” he stated, his gaze shadowed, his words raw and charged with passion. He stretched out and clasped my hand. “It’s you I’ve always loved. It has only ever been you. I was simply too blind to acknowledge it, even to my own self.”
My heart raced wildly in my ribcage. I exhaled unsteadily, swamped by the depth of his emotions. This was precisely the kind of entanglement I’d been desperate to evade. I couldn’t let myself get swept away by Kael’s sentiments, not with everything I had to safeguard.
Then, out of nowhere, I teetered off balance, my shoe snagging on the carpet’s fringe. I lurched forward, my limbs waving frantically in an attempt to steady myself. Just as I was on the verge of tumbling, Kael moved swiftly, his sturdy arms encircling my waist to hold me upright. But in the rush, my arms dropped to my sides, and the letter escaped from my sleeve, fluttering down to the floor.
“Elara…” Kael uttered, his tone infused with worry. He glanced downward at the wrinkled envelope now at our feet. “What is that?”