Chapter 68
ELARA’S POV
The heavy burden of all these unexpressed feelings was crushing me, like a thick, stifling cover made up of remorse, dread, this growing fondness for Kael, the enduring attachment I still held for Ronan, and the frightening reality of being pregnant. I’d been fleeing from everything since the moment I truly grasped how deeply I cared for Kael—a desperate, panting escape from a reality that could completely demolish the protective barriers I’d so meticulously erected around my emotions to shield myself from him.
I tried so hard to despise him, but it was impossible. And it wasn’t just because of the explanation he gave me for his actions. No, it was because I genuinely cared for him, even amid all the anger and hurt; those feelings refused to fade. Though right now, my love for Ronan overshadowed whatever I felt for Kael, I still couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I had room in my heart for both of them.
Suddenly, my stomach twisted violently. I bolted upright from the bed, gently massaging my belly.
The nausea in the mornings had grown harder and harder to conceal. The constant fatigue was unyielding, and while Kael and Clara did their best to help me without drawing attention, it wasn’t enough to cover up the small shifts happening in my body. The idea of Darius finding out about the baby sent a new surge of chilling terror rushing through my veins. Coming clean about it wouldn’t just put me at risk—it would threaten my unborn child too, a horrifying thought that robbed me of sleep on most nights.
“Miss Elara, is everything alright?” Clara’s concerned tone yanked me back to the present. I glanced up at her and managed a weak smile. She let out a quiet sigh. “Is there something you need?”
“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “It’s just… the morning sickness is hitting me harder these days.”
“I understand,” she exhaled heavily as she leaned down closer. “Being pregnant can be so overwhelming, and I’m really sorry about that.”
“Why on earth are you apologizing?” I let out a soft laugh at her sweet, naive response.
“Because I feel useless—I can only run little tasks for you, but I can’t do much more than that. It’s clear the baby is putting a lot of strain on you.”
My smile grew a bit brighter, and I extended my hand to take hers. “Just having you around means the world to me. At least you make me think of…” My voice faded as the word “home” nearly slipped out.
“I get it, I get it,” Clara grinned, clearly trying to lighten the atmosphere. “I remind you of a fairy godmother, right? I’m just that amazing.”
I playfully swatted her hand away. “Oh, get out of here.” But I couldn’t suppress the grin pulling at my mouth. Clara had made things a little more tolerable in this place. Not that there was anything particularly awful about it… it simply felt like I didn’t belong here.
It’s strange how this is supposed to be my real home, yet Ronan’s world feels so much more like where I truly fit.
“How about we take a stroll outside?”
Clara let out a dramatic groan, lightly bonking her head against the wall. “What if we make it a jog instead?”
I furrowed my brow and crossed my arms over my chest. “I’m carrying a baby, remember?”
“Well, I could sprint ahead, and you could just observe. My legs are killing me! There are days I almost forget I even have a wolf form!”
Her exaggerated expression had me bursting into genuine laughter. She had a point, though—all I’d been doing lately was wandering around aimlessly… something I’d picked up from Ronan. It always helped soothe my anxiety and brought back memories of him.
“Alright,” I said, clapping my hands together and rising from the bed, snatching a sweater from the wardrobe. “I’m in. You run, and I’ll keep an eye on you.”
“Woo-hoo!” She exclaimed with excitement, jumping up and linking her arm with mine, basically dragging me out of the room before I had a chance to slip on the sweater. My mind drifted to Martha—I really hoped she was doing well. It had been too long since I’d sent her a letter… I felt like such an awful friend—no, I was an awful friend. Eventually, when she returned to the palace, she’d learn about everything that had unfolded in her absence.
I just prayed that Ronan was protected from whatever Darius might do.
As we made our way out of the palace, my gaze caught Kael in the distance. It was as if he could feel me there—his head turned sharply in my direction, and he offered a gentle smile.
My heart did that ridiculous somersault, but I pushed it aside. I recalled one particular evening, strolling through the palace gardens, taking in the vibrant flowers and greenery. Kael had accidentally crossed paths with me, and we’d ended up walking side by side in comfortable quiet. The sun was dipping low, stretching out long shadows and tinting everything in warm shades of orange and violet—a stunning setting that highlighted the electric undercurrent between us.
He paused abruptly and rested his hand lightly on my lower back to guide me up a small step. His touch was tender and comforting, yet it carried a sense of claim that sent a mix of excitement and alarm through me.
“Miss Elara???” Clara’s hand waving right in front of my face jolted me back to the moment. I blinked and found myself staring directly at her, where a slight frown creased her features.
“Are you okay?” she inquired.
“Yeah, yeah,” I assured her, settling onto a nearby bench and fiddling with my sweater. “Just feeling a little chilly.”
“Ugh…” She raised an eyebrow skeptically. “But the weather’s actually pretty nice and warm…”
I tilted my head to the side. “Blame it on the pregnancy hormones.”
She rolled her eyes and pulled a silly face before dashing off into the open field. A short while later, a sleek silver wolf appeared and bounded toward me, halting just a few feet away, its warm breath noticeable even from that spot.
“Your wolf form is beautiful,” I commented, motioning with my finger for the wolf to approach. “And so incredibly soft,” I cooed as I stroked my fingers through her fur. “Do folks in the werewolf world put special effort into grooming their coats? This feels amazing!”
Deep inside, my own wolf let out a jealous hiss, almost like a person’s reaction. I chuckled at her possessiveness, feeling a pang of sympathy. We hadn’t shifted and run freely like we once did, or shared those deep conversations. Even though we shared the same body, our feelings could differ, and sometimes we both craved our own space to process things. Her pain from being apart from Ronan was intense, probably even deeper than mine.
“What are you ladies up to?” A rich, familiar voice interrupted. I turned to find Kael standing behind Clara’s wolf form, sporting a broad grin.
Once more, my heart performed that foolish leap.
I cleared my throat and pulled my hand back from Clara’s fur. “Oh, just… appreciating the wolf. She’s adorable.”
“She certainly is,” Kael agreed, his eyes lingering on Clara before she trotted away, leaving the two of us by ourselves. That sneaky—argh! I mentally yelled. She chose this exact moment to bail on purpose.
“May I join you?” Kael asked politely, pointing to the empty spot beside me on the bench.
“Of course, go ahead,” I replied, shifting over to give him plenty of room. He whispered a thanks and took a seat. As soon as he was close, a wave of warmth spread through me, flushing right up to my face. I cleared my throat again, this time more forcefully.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah…” I nodded. “Just feeling a tad restless.”
“Oh,” his expression dimmed a bit. “I apologize for that.”
“I keep wondering when all of this chaos will finally come to an end.”
“It won’t be long now.”
I truly hope you’re right, Kael. I really do. Because I’ve got this nagging sense that something big—and bad—is on the horizon.