76. Famous Last Words

~ Audrey ~

“Audrey, I meant what I said before. I love you. I wanna marry you and I wanna have a family with you,” Killian tilted her face up to him again. He stared at her with tender and pleading eyes. “Losing Caspian is like losing half my soul. I don’t wanna lose my other half ever again,”

Audrey stared at him with a bewildered look. Where was he going with this?

Audrey couldn’t read the expression on his face. Killian closed the distance between their bodies and leaned for her lips. Their noses were touching and their lips were only an inch away. And just before they touched, Killian stopped and said, “Audrey Nicole Huntington, will you marry me?”

Audrey’s breath was caught in her throat. Her mouth fell open and her eyes were wide as saucers. She stared at him for a good minute and studied his face. Killian was absolutely serious.

“What?” she said as she pulled away.

“Will you marry me?” he asked again.

Audrey found it difficult to form her words.

“Killian…” she trailed.

“What?”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m asking you to marry me,”

Killian looked confused. He thought he made it clear to her what he wanted. What was so hard to understand? And why was she responding in this way?

“Right now?” she asked.

“Why are you saying it like that?” Killian stifled a laugh. “Why not right now?”

Audrey stared at him in disbelief.

“Killian, this is a funeral,” she hissed. “It’s his funeral,”

Audrey’s eyes glanced at Caspian’s tombstone. Killian followed her gaze and he just shrugged.

“I know it is. He’ll be happy for us,” he said.

Audrey didn’t understand Killian’s logic. They had just buried Caspian earlier today. Her heart was still aching. She couldn’t think about anything other than him. She didn’t even know if she could survive tonight.

And yet Killian’s talking about marriage?

“Kill… I… I don’t know,” she stammered and stepped back.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Killian stepped forward.

“This is all happening too fast. I haven’t even processed everything, let alone grieve. And now you’re asking me this?” she shook her head at him in disbelief.

Killian’s gaze remained soft and tender. He reached for her face and cupped her cheek with his hand. His hand was warm. It was nice compared to the stinging cold air outside.

“I know it sounds kind of fast, but it’s what I feel in my heart,” Killian smiled gently. “You know it too. I told you about it a long time ago. I believe it’s the right thing to do,”

It wasn’t a total surprise that Killian proposed to her. She knew he wanted to do this ever since she got pregnant. He told her already when they were at the beach in the Hamptons. She said she would marry him if the baby was his. She’d be happy to be his wife and raise their baby together.

But a lot had happened since then. Caspian’s death was a significant event that turned her world upside down. Audrey hadn’t fully understood everything. She needed time to figure things out.

“Alright, you know what? Forget it. Forget I said anything,” Killian said suddenly. He pulled away and let out a sigh. He knew he was asking for too much too soon.

“Kill…” she breathed and stepped closer to him.

“I’m sorry for asking. I’m just a bit overwhelmed and emotional,” Killian flashed her a quick smile. “You know how it is,”

Audrey felt sorry, but she couldn’t say yes just because. She knew in her heart of hearts that she would marry him someday, but this wasn’t something to be forced out. She knew it wouldn’t be right. She had to get her mind in order before they could move on with their lives.

“Kill, you know that I love you, right?” she said as she reached for his face. Her hand landed on his cheek and she caressed his skin gently. “I will marry you when the time is right,”

Killian closed his eyes and leaned his face into her hand. Then his hand reached up and held onto her hand.

“Of course,” he said once he opened his eyes. “I love you too, sweetheart,”

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- - - - - One Week Later - - - - -

The next few days went by like a blur for Audrey. She moved back to her dad’s house and invited Mikey and Olivia to stay with her for a while. Killian had asked her to live with him in Brooklyn, but Audrey couldn’t bring herself to go there. Being in that house reminded Audrey of Caspian and it was too painful of a memory.

Audrey spent the next few days keeping herself busy and distracted. She never let herself be alone because she’d break down if she were. On the surface, it looked like she was navigating life pretty well. She’d go to work with her dad and Sebastian, and she’d spend time at home with Mikey and Olivia.

But on the inside, Audrey’s emotions were kept behind a thin glass wall that could crack at any moment. Audrey kept it all bottled up inside. Even though her friends kept asking her to talk about it, and her dad was telling her to go see a therapist, Audrey couldn’t do either of those things. Talking about Caspian was too difficult and agonizing. She would break down if she did. And she didn’t want to break down.

The only person that she could’ve talked to was Killian, but she hadn’t been seeing him for the past few days. She was avoiding him on purpose. After their little talk at Caspian’s funeral, Audrey felt like she needed time and space away from Killian. To be very honest, she was angry with him because it seemed like he moved on so fast.

The snow falling on Caspian’s grave wasn’t even dry yet and he already asked for her hand in marriage. How could Killian be thinking about that when she was still grieving over her lost love? Surely, Killian must mean well, but Caspian deserved better than that.

Today marked a full week after Caspian’s funeral. It had been snowing pretty heavily the past week, but the sun was out and bright today. It was also a Saturday, which meant Audrey didn't have to go to work. Mikey and Olivia were out running errands, and she was left alone in the house.

Audrey didn't feel good being cooped up inside the house. So she put on her coat and boots and went out the door. She told her dad she’d be back soon, but she didn’t tell anyone where she was going.

Audrey made her way down the street and stopped by a bodega. She came out with a bouquet of flowers in one hand and a bottle of champagne in the other. Then she jumped into a yellow cab and the car drove to the Greenwood Cemetery.

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“Good morning, Cas,”

Audrey greeted the tombstone that read Caspian’s name. She smiled softly and wiped the snow covering parts of the stone. There were several other bouquets of flowers scattered around the stone. Audrey moved the dried ones away and arranged the fresh ones on top.

“It’s a nice day today,” she said again. “It’s warmer than usual,”

Audrey put down her bouquet of flowers on the very front and sat down next to the stone. Then she popped open the bottle of champagne and let out a little squeal as the cork made a loud popping sound. She let out a giggle and quickly sipped the overflowing drink.

Caspian must be so proud if he sees me.

It took Caspian several tries to teach Audrey how to pop a bottle of champagne. She never could do it before, but she was proficient now. Drinking and talking to Caspian had been keeping her sane. She didn’t share this with her friends or with anyone, but late at night when everyone was asleep and she couldn’t sleep, Audrey would sneak out of the house and go to the bodega nearby. She’d get flowers and a bottle of champagne and she’d head over to his grave. Then she’d pop open the bottle of champagne and drink as if she was talking to Caspian.

Maybe it sounded kind of sad, but this was Audrey’s coping mechanism. She didn’t feel sad doing this. In fact, she felt happy. She felt close to him. Like she was really talking to him.

Audrey didn’t know how long she stayed and chatted. She was drinking and talking until she lost track of time. The next thing she knew, the sun was slowly setting on the horizon. It was a beautiful sunset and it reminded her of the sunset she watched with Caspian before.

Audrey smiled and drank the last drops of the champagne. The bottle was now empty and Audrey shook it only to catch nothing but air. Audrey rolled her eyes and staggered to get up. All that champagne was now getting into her system.

“I’ll see you again tomorrow,” Audrey kissed the top of the stone. “I love you, Cas,”

With the empty bottle of champagne in her hand, Audrey made her way out of the cemetery. It was getting dark and she was stumbling with her steps. She knew she needed to get home. Her dad and her friends might be worried about her.

Audrey managed to catch a yellow cab outside the cemetery, but when the driver asked her where to go, she didn’t tell him her address. Audrey didn’t feel like going home. Instead of taking the bridge back to Manhattan, the cab drove further into Brooklyn. And after a few more minutes of driving, the car stopped in front of Killian’s townhome.

She thanked the cab driver and quickly got outside. She pulled out the spare key Killian had given her and made her way inside the house. Audrey’s head was spinning and it took her a moment to climb up the stairs. When she finally made it to the second floor, she went straight for the room on the far left. It was Caspian’s room.

The first thing she noticed about the room was the smell. It smelled just like him. A smile curved up her lips. Audrey staggered to the bed and threw her body on top of it. The bed was warm and it felt like him. Audrey fell asleep imagining Caspian was sleeping there right next to her, holding her in his arms like he always would.

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When Audrey opened her eyes next, she could see the sunlight streaming from the window. She stirred in the bed and felt something heavy being pressed against her back. She groaned and moved away, but something was pulling her back.

“Good morning, princess,”

That something had a voice. Audrey’s eyes shot open instantly. She turned around and saw Caspian smiling right at her.

Audrey thought she must dreaming. Her hands reached for his face and she could feel his skin. He was warm. And he was smiling.

“Caspian?” she gaped.

“The one and only,” Caspian smirked.

“Oh my God, it’s really you!”

Audrey leaped in happiness and joy. She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Caspian chuckled and fell back on the bed. Audrey was now straddling him and burying her face into his chest.

“Whoa, slow down, woman. My girl might see us,” he joked.

Audrey looked up to see Caspian’s beautiful face again. His eyes were deep blue and tender. He looked just like how she remembered him.

“Cas…” Audrey couldn’t stop the tears from pooling in her eyes.

“Baby girl, why are you crying?” Caspian frowned. “Aren’t you happy to see me?”

“Of course I’m happy to see you. I wanna see you every day, but you’re… gone,” she croaked.

Caspian shook his head disapprovingly. He wiped the tear away from her face and said, “I’m never gone. I’m always here, aren’t I?”

Caspian pointed to Audrey’s chest. She was wearing the gold heart necklace he got her. Audrey couldn’t help but cry harder. Caspian pulled her into a hug and sighed.

“Come on, I didn’t come all the way here just so I could watch you cry,” he cooed her. “Please don’t cry, baby,”

Audrey tried her best to stop crying. Her breathing was still labored. She wiped her eyes and looked up at Caspian again.

“I miss you, Cas,” she said. “And Killian misses you too,”

“I miss you guys too,” he said.

“I wish you’re here with us,”

“I know. But heaven’s a great place. I have no complaints,” he beamed.

Heaven…?

Caspian then got up from the bed and he turned the music player on. A soft song started to play. It was the same song that they danced to before.

“Come on, I wanna dance with my girl,” he said as he stretched out his hand.

Audrey let out a smile and took his hand. Caspian pulled her skillfully and twirled her little body around. Audrey couldn’t help but giggle. Caspian was putting his heart and soul into this dance.

“Cas,” Audrey said as she rested her head on his chest.

“Hm?”

“What’s heaven like?”

Caspian let out a sigh.

“Heaven is like… Grace Bay in Bermuda,” he said. “They have white sandy beaches. The ocean is beautiful. The air is cool and breezy. And the sunset’s amazing,”

“That sounds lovely,” she smiled and looked up at him.

“It is,” he nodded.

“Are you happy out there?”

“Absolutely!”

Caspian was smiling with absolute certainty. Audrey couldn’t help but feel a pang in her chest.

“I wish I can be happy…” she said as she glanced away.

“Baby girl, I don’t want you to be sad when you think of me,” Caspian protested. He tilted her chin up to his and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “You need to stop doing this. I don’t want you sneaking out alone at night and drinking champagne next to my grave. Even if they’re non-alcoholic champagne,”

“But—”

“No. You gotta be happy. You gotta smile every time you think of me,” he cut her off rather sternly. Then he rested his forehead on top of hers and smiled again.

Audrey closed her eyes for a moment before she could speak again.

“This isn’t fair, Cas. I never even got a chance to say goodbye…”

“I never want you to say goodbye to me,” he said. “Don't ever say goodbye,”

“Cas…”

“Hey, what we had was amazing, right?”

“Well, yes, but—“

“That’s it. Just remember that. Forget about the rest. I promise you, someday the day will come when you will only smile when you remember me,” Caspian’s hand was firm on her skin but his eyes were gentle and soft. “Okay?” he asked.

Audrey closed her eyes and felt the depth of his words. Then she opened her eyes and nodded meekly.

“Okay,”

“Promise me,”

“I promise,”

Caspian let out a smile. A big warm smile.

“Good girl,” he said. “Now, listen, I gotta go. I gotta go home,”

“No, please, don’t go!” Audrey shook her head and gripped his chest tightly. “Please don’t leave me!”

“I’m always with you. Always and forever,” Caspian held her hands and pulled them away slowly. “And if that’s not enough, you still have Killian too,” he winked.

Even in this difficult moment, he was still trying to make her laugh. Audrey’s frown twitched into a smile.

“He’ll take good care of you. I know he will,” He said again. “But you need to take care of yourself too. And the little baby in there. She’s counting on you,”

“What?”

“Take care of my little girl for me,” He smiled meaningfully. “I love you, princess. Until death and more,”

Caspian leaned down closed the distance between their lips. Audrey closed her eyes and felt Caspian’s tender kiss. A tear trickled down her face involuntarily. And when she opened her eyes next, he was gone.

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- - - - - To Be Continued - - - - -