58: Humanity

She had never though that pain could reach the intensity it had reached for her. The level at which she could feel as though hands moving in her heart and she had nothing to do but just sat there, hugging herself as she cried. And when it worsens, when she remembered all that he had said to her yesterday evening, she would cry to the point that her eyes denied her access to her tears. She would just have to fix her eyes on a wall and felt nothing, just an aching in her heart that she knew could stay forever with her.

She knew that this day would come, just that she had never imagined it would come the way it did. When she had already thought that her life would be better and never would she be shattered again. She could still hear the painful echoing sound of Mujaheed’s words in her ears and each time, she wanted to block their access to her heart, but she kept failing. Everything kept hurting and shattering her all over again.

She had no friend; she would have called one and ask her about how she should handle this issue. What she should say to him when next he wanted to see her because yesterday evening, he threw her out of his room. He asked her to leave by herself, but she was weakened with the pain he had given her to even move a limb and he did what she had never imagined he would do, he took her wrist and threw her out of his room. She heard the time he told the guards not to allow her into his chamber ever again, and that crushed even the flimsiest of hope she had on him. She had on them, their love and marriage.

She heard a soft knock and Nafisa walked into the room holding Muhaseen in her hands, “I’m sorry, Your highness, but she’s crying, and I know she’s hungry that’s why I bring her even though you asked me to take care of her.”

Fareeda laid her bloodshot eyes that had gotten exhausted by her tears and she shook her head, “It’s okay, Nafisa. Let me have her.” Her voice didn’t sound like her. That liveliness had gone, that enthusiasm about the life she lived and the love she had for the ones that were presently in her life.

She held Muhaseen in her arms and after Nafisa closed the door behind her, Fareeda pulled her to her chest and broke into tears. She couldn't believe that Mujaheed had said all those things to her, had said outwardly that Muhaseen wasn’t his daughter. Was this the way he took her as? Was this the love he had for Muhaseen? She thought even if this was the truth about the paternity of Muhaseen, even though it was justifiable for him to be hurt, he would understand and love Muhaseen as though his real daughter.

Then she remembered, the conversation they had with him in Sardauna about Nana’s stepfather. She should’ve understood since then that he wasn’t that kind of man she wanted him to be. Even though she was fully certain that Muhaseen was his daughter, she couldn't help but be this deeply hurt knowing whatever she said or do would never be trusted or even listened by him.

She pulled Muhaseen from her chest and planted a kiss on her forehead. “He might’ve denied being your father, My darling, but I know he’s your father. Even if everyone will hate you, I'll always stand by you and make sure you don’t have the kind of childhood I did. You don’t deserve any of this pain, Muhaseen. I'll make sure you live a very good and happy life.”

The little baby’s eyes flicked with happiness and that broke Fareeda’s heart even more. Here, what she was afraid of happening, happened. She was once again stranded with no one to reach out to for help. She didn’t know what to do or what to say to make things right. She was clueless and so helpless that even breathing proved to be so had for her. What would she do? Who would she seek help from? She knew there was no one.

Nafisa rushed into her room, “Your highness, you’re summoned in the palace by his highness now.” Her heart lost a bit. Before, if Nafisa mentioned his highness she always smiled because she knew that meant Mujaheed, but today, she was afraid of what would happen. What he would say. Maybe he was going to divorce her, and she would have to go back to Taraba today? As much as she would be hurt and broken and shattered when that happened, she would appreciate it at the expense of her daughter’s good life and happiness. She immediately stood up and for a reason unknown to her, she placed Muhaseen on her shoulders and they walked to the palace together.

She had her eyes dried up and even though with one look one could sense the pain she was in, Fareeda knew so well she had to keep up with a stoic expression and also a hard look. She entered the palace alone, with her head fixed on the path she walked on. She could feel people’s eyes on her but that didn't make her look up until she was sure she had secured a place for herself to sit down because she knew for a fact that if they said something while she was standing, she might fall down, and she wouldn’t risk Muhaseen’s health.

When she looked up, Mujaheed was staring at her and his gaze was particularly fixed on Muhaseen that was staring at her face with the most beautiful and innocent smiles. She immediately took her eyes away from him and placed Muhaseen’s face on her shoulder to avoid him from having a glimpse of her face. He said that she wasn't his daughter, right? Then she would have to protect her daughter from him at all cost. At least until the truth was revealed. Because she knew no matter how long it would take, the truth will always prevail.

Kawu Sadam cleared his throat and that was when Fareeda noticed their presence in the living room. He wasn’t the only one, Baffah was there, Yapendo Maimuna, Mairamou and Mujaheed himself. Fareeda wondered if Mujaheed called them all there so that they could witness his divorce, or he will declare Muhaseen not as his daughter in front of everyone. That would have carved a scar she was sure wouldn't heal forever.

“Mairamou saw this in his highness’s room and brought it to me. We have an English specialist read it for us and it revealed that over there, Muhaseen isn’t his highness’s real daughter. She’s a daughter of Fareeda's ex-boyfriend, Adam. We’ve done a background check on her in their state and got a lot of bad information about her. She has done two abortions and one miscarriage...” With Fareeda’s eyes clenched, she heard as Kawu Sadam told them everything about her past life. Not omitting a single thing that she wondered how he knew. She could feel fire, real fire burning her heart and with each word, with each moving of the clock, she knew she wouldn’t live long enough to witness the end of the meeting. She had stopped herself from crying, because she would appear to him weaker than she was, more vulnerable and her soul would be bared naked in front of all of them.

She had her hand firmly fixed on Muhaseen because that was the only thing that kept her strong, she knew she would’ve fallen down if she was alone, if she knew she had no one to lose and none would lose her. But if anything, she wouldn’t live Muhaseen in this cruel royal home to have her life damaged forever.

“We’ve come to the conclusion that he should divorce her and sever all ties with her daughter. Because as a respectful king, he can’t stay with an adulterer that even has a child for someone else. She should make sure to leave this palace latest by tomorrow morning or else, she will be severely punished.” She heard Kawu Sadam’s voice and somehow, instead of the words to hurt her, to break her, she felt relived. Because she had never wanted something like she wanted to be far away from Mujaheed as she could, away from anything that could remind of his life and this horrible palace she lived in.

“I don’t agree with this at all. We don’t have the right to tell his highness what he has to do in his personal matters, we only have to advise him as his elders. And for this, we believe what we have seen in a paper, why don’t we ask her first? Why can’t we inquire from the human sitting beside us and try to weigh everything? We can’t trust everything we saw on a paper which we’re not even certain whether it’s true or not.” Baffah spoke, and Fareeda painstakingly turned her face to look at him. So, somehow, there was still some humanity left in this palace?

“What are you trying to say?” Kawu Sadam said outraged, “Here, His highness confirmed it’s from the hospital she gave birth to her daughter and also a letter written by her ex-boyfriend. What else do we need to confirm?” He asked and unless you knew him so well, you wouldn’t detect the truth he was trying to hide with his tone.

“Why did you trust that paper? Wait, have you even met who delivered the papers? I'm sure it’s a no. Have some humanity in you, Sadam. She might have a rough past, but what if she has sincerely repented and Allah has forgiven her? Who are we to say all these horrible things about her? What if she’s more loved by Allah than us? We shouldn’t judge her based on her past life, that’s who she used to be, not who she is now.

“And I believe, all of us in one way or the other have a bad past we would love to stay hidden forever, don’t we? Then why will you go to Nigeria and do a background check on her? Why? Just because you want to see her fall? I don’t believe in this, we will have to ask her first, and even if you’re not satisfied with her answer, I believe we have hospitals all over Cameroon, don’t we? We can go and have the father and daughter tested, and I don’t agree with a hospital any of us has ever visited, we can go to a new hospital none of us here have been. Until result is out, we won’t have a say in this. And even if it turns out that Muhaseen is not his highness’s daughter, we don’t have to interfere in their marital problems. He has every right to stay with her or not. He has every right to abduct Muhaseen as his daughter or not, we’re in no position to tell him what to do and not.”

Fareeda was just staring at him, for the first time in her life, the very first time someone had trusted her without even hearing what she had to say. Someone had faith in her and made her believe that she was still pure even though she had lived the kind of life she did. She was still lovable to Allah and none of these things should be happening to her because of her past, it was just a test from Allah, and she believed she can go through it.

Baffah looked at Kawu Sadam with a hard look, “And I believe we can all keep this between us because this is a personal matter of his highness. No one in the palace should know apart from us, and if it gets out, I believe we all know who to blame.” He didn’t wait for his response when he called out to the guards outside, “Guard! Tell the drivers to get the cars ready, we’re going to the hospital now.” No one in the living room dared speak up, and Fareeda despite telling herself not to, she had already made a mess of her cheeks. It felt good to have someone that got your back, that reminded you that humanity still existed. There were still kind people in this world, and you don't have to be related for them to how you their kindness.

✥

And as Baffah said, that was what had happened. She wondered why any of them hadn’t objected to what he had said, was it because the truth had always been clearer than the lie? And the truth always triumphed no matter who opposed it. They told them that the result would be sent to the palace tomorrow, it was night, but still Fareeda was clinging onto Muhaseen as though her life depended on her. She hadn’t eaten, all she did was cried and prayed.

Nafisa walked into the room with a tray in her hand and she sat on the edge of the bed beside Fareeda. “Your highness,” she called her softly and Fareeda lifted her crying eyes and placed them her. She continued. “I know I'm in no position to tell you this, but I've never seen you in this position since you came to this palace. This isn’t like you, and I believe no one deserve to cry as much as you did from yesterday till tonight. You’re a very good person, you’re kind, you’re lovely and beautiful. And what I mean by beautiful, not just on the physical level, you’re beautiful inside and out, your highness.”

Fareeda felt more tears rushing down her cheeks. Here, someone she had never imagined she would meet in her life was revoking the notion she had about herself. “Maybe you’re into this difficult situation because of his highness, but believe me, there's nothing communication doesn’t solve. You might feel that you’re the woman, why will you make the relationship work? Or why will you be the one to seek peace to reign, but that only makes you human and it shows you value that person. Go to him, communicate and only then, can you know whether to go one with the or not. You will have peace in your mind, know the decision you have to take.”

Fareeda cleared her tears and lifted her face up to stop more from running down her cheeks, “Do you think I should go and meet him? What if he doesn’t want to listen to me?” She asked with self-pity dripping from her words.

Nafisa placed her hand on hers softly, “If that happens, then you ask your heart what to do. But don’t you ever forget, you always come first. You’re the only one that matters and no one else, take care of yourself before you think of anyone because you can’t pour from an empty cup, can you?” Fareeda shook her head and she had it in mind that she will go and speak with Mujaheed now. Not because she believed what he accused her of, but because she knew that it was possible to have the result forged and if that happen, she will know the right thing to do.

She looked down at Muhaseen that was on her laps and she realized she had fell asleep already. “What about Muhaseen? I don’t want to go there with her.” She had promised herself that she would never let him touch her or see her again until the result came out and even after that, she would know whether to let him keep being her father or not.

“I'll just walk with you to his chamber and rush back here to stay with her before you come back. She’d be fine for the few minutes we’re away. Here, let me put her in her crib.” She was about to take her from Fareeda's laps when Fareeda leaned down and planted a lingering kiss on her forehead.

“I love you so much, Muhaseen. I'll make sure you get a good life, okay?” She smiled sadly and Nafisa took her to the crib.

They walked out together because Fareeda told her that she couldn't’ eat anything tonight. They stood in front of the chamber and Fareeda kept urging Nafisa to go back and look after Muhaseen and she was left alone. Trying to walk inside, the guards stopped her with their heads hung down.

“We’re sorry, Your Highness. But His Majesty has forbidden us from allowing you into his chamber, and we won’t go against his words until he’s the one that ask us to let you in.” Yes, maybe what had happened yesterday wasn't a dream after. She tried so hard to mask up her pained expression and didn't even beg them because the months she had stayed here were enough for her to know that they wouldn’t go against his wife.

With her tears trying to suffocate her, she walked back to her chamber and even before she reached there, she was aware of light. No, she would rephrase her words, fire. She didn't know when she broke into a run and when she reached her chamber, it was in fire. “Muhaseen!!!!” She screamed at the pitch of her voice and ran toward the door to enter but before she did, Nafisa held her firmly.

She was crying bitterly while trying all she could to stop Fareeda from entering the chamber. “Your highness please, it’s too dangerous for you to enter there.” Fareeda kept struggling to get out of her hold.

“What are you telling me?! Have you gone mad, Nafisa?! Muhaseen is inside, what do you mean!!!!” She had lost her sanity, she wanted to get away from her hold and go inside to save her baby, but it felt as if Nafisa was stronger that she had imagined she was. She couldn't think straight, she wanted this nightmare to be over so she could wake up.

“I'm sorry, Your highness, I won’t let you inside. The guards are inside already to bring—” before she was done with her sentence, one guard came out holding Muhaseen in his hands and Fareeda shrugged out of Nafisa’s hold.

She rushed to him and collected Muhaseen with tears rolling down unchecked from her eyes and she didn't know what she was feeling in her heart. Everything was blank without any single emotion but fear. “Muhaseen,” she called out with a silent voice that got muffled with her tears. “My baby?!” She shook her but there was no sign of life in her, she had no burn on her, but when Fareeda placed her hand on her chest, her heart wasn’t beating.

Nafisa’s mother rushed to where they were and took Muhaseen from Fareeda's hand that was stupefied and frozen on her spot. She checked her all over and when she looked up at Fareeda, she sadly shook her head. “I'm sorry, your highness. But her highness is dead, probably suffocated by the smoke of the fire. I'm so sorry.”