Chapter 35: Eunice

Josiah’s lips hovered on top of mine while he kept my hands raised over my head.

I couldn’t think. All I could think about is how his tongue expertly swiped my lips, making me think of other worldly things! I wanted to stop kissing back but it seems like my mouth had a mind of its own.

My heart is beating incredibly fast as he cupped my face, deepening his hot kisses on me. He bit my lower lip and sucked on them before kissing me tenderly once again.

He plunged his tongue inside my mouth as he kissed me tenderly. He angled his head to the other side and continued to shower me with his dizzying kisses.

I had already confirmed that I am completely ruined for Josiah. My heart and my mind can’t seem to agree with how I feel for him. I don’t want to like him but I couldn’t stop my heart.

I can’t stop myself from falling for him. I should try harder, though, because I know that he is not there to catch me when I fall. He has someone else. He has Hannah.

He said I shouldn’t date Kyle Kim while I am married to him. What does he mean now?

I already gave him a chance to break it up with her but he couldn’t do it. Of course, he couldn’t do it because he loves her.

The best thing he could give me now is the time to redeem myself. I know my pride will get angry at me because I am certain that I am so weak when it comes to him.

This isn’t the usual me.

The usual me doesn’t care about everyone else. The usual me is strong. I don’t let anyone dictate for me.

But somehow, when it comes to Josiah, I am always at lost. I am always breaking my own principles. I am always in danger.

I hate it but it’s what it is. But I hate it more that I can’t do anything about it.

Josiah broke his kiss and leaned his forehead on mine. He brought my hands down and laced his fingers with mine.

“Fuck,” he cursed as he gave me another peck. “I’m sorry, baby.”

His hoarse voice is sending chills to my spine. His apologetic voice is giving me a different kind of ache in my heart.

I gulped and tried to make myself stronger. “Why?” I asked, almost breathless. “Why are you sorry?”

He shut his eyes and caressed my face, brushing his thumb on my cheek. “I’m sorry for what I did. I told you I’d break up with…” he couldn’t seem to finish.

I bit my lip and nodded. “It’s okay,” I said and he looked at me with confused eyes.

I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. I shouldn’t lie to myself anymore. I shouldn’t lie to Josiah, too.

I opened my eyes and looked straight to his eyes. I swallowed a huge lump in my throat. “It’s not okay for you to kiss me when you’re in love with someone else.”

Pain struck Josiah’s face. His stare became more of a sad emotion than a confused one.

Tears are about to fill my sight but I should do this now. I couldn’t just let him do this to me. If he’s going to take my heart, I better keep my pride. It’s all I think I deserve right now.

“We should just go back to being what we are when we first met,” I said with my voice almost breaking. “It’s better that way. At least it didn’t hurt me this much.”

Josiah’s jaw clenched. I smiled weakly.

“What am I to you, Josiah?” I asked in a whisper.

My tears are already flowing and I want nothing to do but to curse myself for being this weak for him. I was never weak for someone! I was always in control of my emotions! But with Josiah, I seem like a different person.

Josiah looked at me intently. He couldn’t answer. Of course! What did I even expect?

I have already known that he has Hannah. I need to keep thinking that he has Hannah. I need to stop responding to his advances. I need to stop giving in to him.

It is his fault for kissing me but when I kissed him back, it’s become a shared sin.

I exhaled and smiled weakly. “I respect you and Hannah. It’s wrong for me to kiss you back. It’s wrong for me to—”

“I’m fucking falling for you!”

My eyes widened at what he just said. My heart stopped beating for a moment until it started booming like a bass drum.

Josiah’s chest rose up and down. He panted like his words just sucked out all the air in his lungs. His eyes bore into mine with and unknown expression.

“I’m falling for you, Eunice. Do you hear me?” he whispered, breathless. “I’m fucking falling for you. And I’m jealous. I’m so fucking jealous, baby.”

He held my face so delicately like I would seem to break. He brought his lips to mine and showered me with feather-like kisses.

I closed my eyes as tears rolled down.

“I am almost going to insane, baby. Can you please stop making me so jealous?” he pleaded while wiping the tears on my face.

I bit my lip and tried so hard to not give in to him. I don’t care if he’s falling for me. If he couldn’t break it up with Hannah, none of his words would matter.

I would still be his second choice.

And I believe I don’t deserve that.

Nobody deserves to be a second choice in love.

I placed my hands on his chest and slightly pushing him away from me.

“Baby…” he called.

I shook my head and looked at him. “No, Josiah. I don’t want to be your second option all the time.”

“Eunice…” he said weakly and I took that chance to push him away from me.

I was about to walk out when he held my elbow. I looked at him and saw him looking at me in pain.

“Please…” he begged.

I shook my head. “I’m sorry.”