Chapter 29 — Douglas

Douglas had all the time in the world, and he intended to put that time to good use. Job applications could wait. Networking could wait. The whole world could wait, as far as he was concerned. There was something he had to do that morning that was more important than firing applications into cyberspace.

Sebastian needed to know how he felt.

Whatever hang-ups he suffered from, and whatever scars his soul bore, Douglas didn’t care. Sebastian was the one he wanted. He wouldn’t let him walk away so easily.

Douglas scrolled back through his text message history with Sebastian. During Sebastian’s road trip vacation, he’d sent Douglas a text to let him know that he’d be staying at Gabriel’s apartment overnight so as not to wake Ian, but that he’d be back home the next morning to work. He’d included Gabriel’s address just in case something went wrong and he couldn’t get back in time—that way, Douglas would be able to drop Ian off before work.

It was the only lead Douglas had on Sebastian’s whereabouts, and he wasn’t about to let it go to waste.

He strapped Ian into his car seat, made sure his diaper bag was safely stowed between the seats in the back of his car, then hit the road. Gabriel’s apartment was a half-hour drive from his home, but only because city traffic was bad. Douglas drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited in traffic and caught every red light along the way.

The last time he’d been this jittery, he’d been going in for his last exam before earning his bachelor’s degree in business.

Gabriel would know where Sebastian had gone, and if he didn’t, he’d be able to find out. Douglas knew that it was likely Sebastian wouldn’t answer his calls, so he didn’t waste time trying. Words wouldn’t do him any good anyway. He’d mangled enough of them to know that.

What he needed was action, and he couldn’t take action over the phone.

Sebastian would see his devotion, and through it, he would know that Douglas was serious. Douglas wouldn’t settle for less.

At long last, Douglas turned down Gabriel’s street. There was no traffic waiting, so he drove slower than the speed limit, following the progression of addresses. None of the buildings were particularly inspiring, but they weren’t run down either. If he remembered right, this part of down was decent, but nearby were some shadier areas that were best avoided.

It kept rent cheap.

Douglas found the address, then found a spot to park. He backed in between two cars and brought the vehicle to a stop. Once he was parked, he unstrapped Ian from the car seat and carried him in his arms to the apartment building.

The door was latched and could only be released by key or by someone buzzing him in from the inside.

Douglas scowled, but he didn’t let it stop him. He had Gabriel’s unit number, and he jammed his thumb onto the appropriate button, ringing the bell to request entrance.

For a long while, there was nothing. Then the door clicked. Douglas pulled it open and stepped inside. All he had to do now was find Gabriel’s apartment and—

There were footsteps on the stairs. Douglas looked up as Gabriel looked down at him. They stood for a while like that, awkward, until Gabriel snorted.

“Yeah. I was hoping you were pizza, but I’ll take what I can get. You’re going to cheer Sebastian up way more than pepperoni and cheese ever could.”

Douglas blinked. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Gabriel waved the comment aside. “My apartment is up here. I’m going to step the hell out while you make things right with Sebastian. All I ask in return is that you don’t have sex on my furniture, okay? Save that for your car, or… whatever.” Gabriel nodded with his chin up the stairs. “Now come on. Your runaway bride is waiting.”

“He’s here?”

“That’s what I said.” Gabriel turned and started to climb the stairs. “He’s hurting pretty bad, thinking that he’s messed up. His self-esteem is shot to pieces. If you could kindly have patience and work to patch him back up, I’d appreciate it. He’s a flighty, emotional little thing, but I love him to pieces, and I think you’ll be good for him. If you could convince him you don’t hate him, that would make my day.”

Douglas followed Gabriel up the stairs, keeping his pace moderate only because he was holding Ian. “Is he okay otherwise? He was so rattled this morning.”

“It’s been a pretty turbulent time for both of you these last few days. He’ll be okay. Just a little bit of wind often gets his feathers rustled, so you can imagine how he weathers storms.” Gabriel came to a stop outside an apartment door. He looked Douglas in the eye. “He’s inside. Now remember—no sex on my furniture. You can kiss if you want to, but that’s where I draw the line. The rest, you’re going to have to take outside.”

Douglas nodded. He didn’t care about Gabriel’s rules—all he wanted was a chance to prove to Sebastian that his past wasn’t going to drive a wedge between them. He wanted Sebastian to know how much he cared.

“So, good luck. Know that I’m rooting for you.”

Gabriel unlocked the door and held it open for Douglas. Douglas drew a deep breath. He stepped into the apartment.

Gabriel’s apartment wasn’t a mess, but it wasn’t neat either. Clutter littered the table by the front door, and shoes spilled out from the closet to its immediate right. The living room was small, but quaint, crowded with mismatched furniture. Old curtains stood to either side of a broad window, letting morning light stream through.

On the couch, framed by sunlight, was Sebastian. He sipped at a cup of tea and made a face. It looked like he was unaware that Douglas had joined him… until Ian cooed and babbled.

Sebastian looked up, startled, and his eyes met Douglas. Douglas didn’t freeze, nor did he let the moment cloud his judgment. He stuck to the plan and ventured forth, thrusting Ian into Sebastian’s arms.

Ian laughed.

Both Sebastian and Douglas came to a stop, their attention stolen by Ian. He’d never laughed before, but there, in Sebastian’s arms, he cooed and laughed and tugged at the t-shirt Sebastian wore.

“Oh my god,” Sebastian whispered. He ran a hand through Ian’s sparse, dark hair. “Douglas, did you hear that?”

“Yeah.” Douglas’ mouth was dry, and his heart raced. If there was ever a clearer sign that Sebastian was right for their family, this was it. Ian had chosen for them. “I did.”

Everything he’d wanted to say, every declaration, had been stripped from him. Nothing was as effective as that simple, single sound. He’d wanted to give Ian over to Sebastian to make sure Sebastian didn’t run again, but now?

Actions spoke louder than words, and Ian’s laughter spoke loudest of all.

“He loves you, you know,” Douglas said. He spoke from his heart, letting his instincts guide him. Countless failed relationships had made him doubt himself, but in that moment, he had no doubts at all. If it was meant to be, it would be. He had to have faith. “… and he’s not the only one.”

Sebastian looked up from Ian. The sunlight struck him from behind, shimmering in his hair so it turned vibrant red. His eyes shimmered. “… What?”

“I love you, Sebastian.” Douglas stood resolute before him. He would not back down now. “I don’t care who you were, or why. I don’t care what you think of yourself, or any of your perceived shortcomings. I don’t care if you don’t think you’re right for me. The truth is, I’m crazy about you, and I have been since day one. I’m not going to hide that anymore, and I refuse to pretend that I feel differently than I do. I love you, and I want you to come home.”

Saying the words sped his heart and raised his pulse, but Douglas didn’t let his physical response stop him. He was dedicated to the moment just as much as he was dedicated to Sebastian.

“Douglas…” Sebastian looked down, but Douglas wouldn’t have it. Every time Sebastian lost confidence in himself, it stung. Douglas wanted to see him certain—to know that he was proud of who he was, and that he was sure enough of himself that he could take a compliment without doubting it. Douglas curled a finger beneath Sebastian’s chin and lifted his gaze until Sebastian met his eye.

“No,” Douglas told him gently. “I don’t want you to doubt. I don’t want you to think you’re not good enough. I came here to find you, and if you weren’t here, I was going to keep looking. You are more important to me than my job search. You are worth more to me than an employee. I thought we were going to try to make this work.”

“That was before you found out about me.” Sebastian blinked rapidly, clearing some of the shimmer in his eyes away. Tears, Douglas realized. Unshed and unwanted. “I know what I did was wrong, and I should have told you right away, but I… I couldn’t. I was trying so hard to improve my future that I didn’t want it to bite me in the ass, but it did anyway.”

“And you think that matters to me?”

“It matters to me.” Sebastian tried to smile, but it lacked luster. “You’re a dad. You have Ian to worry about. Kenneth… Kenneth might use this against you. He might try to spread the word that you’re dating someone like me, and…”

“And what?” Douglas chuckled. He dropped Sebastian’s chin, sitting beside him instead. “Anyone who wants to listen to bullshit rumors like that isn’t worth my time anyway. You’re not the man you were before, and even if you were, I would still want you.”

Sebastian’s smile turned sincere. He budged toward Douglas, their thighs brushing. Ian cooed happily against Sebastian’s chest, chewing on his shirt. It didn’t look like Sebastian minded.

“I did it to pay for college,” Sebastian admitted. “I didn’t wake up one day and think that it was something I’d start up just for fun. I didn’t want to be in debt. Sugaring paid off my tuition, my apartment, and most of my living expenses. Now that I’ve graduated, I’ll never do it again.”

“And you won’t have to.” Douglas reached out, cupping Sebastian’s cheek. His touch paired with their proximity sent sparks flying. Douglas felt them cascade inside of him, down his chest and into his stomach. No matter how much time passed, Sebastian would always make him feel like he was the luckiest man in the world. “It might be a few months from now, but one day soon, I’ll find a job. I’ll be able to take care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of. The whole time we’ve been together I’ve been scared to commit because none of my other relationships have lasted more than a few months, but I’m ready now. I know I don’t have to be afraid anymore.”

“And why is that?” Sebastian’s eyelids drooped. He pressed his cheek into Douglas’ palm, nuzzling.

“Because I found love.” Douglas smiled. The words he spoke, he spoke from the heart, and he didn’t regret a single one. “I found love in you, a kind I’ve never felt before, and I know that I’ll do anything to keep it—anything to keep you. I’m not looking for someone to fill the empty space in my bed anymore—I’m looking for someone to fill the empty space in my family. And that’s you. I want you. I don’t care what it takes, or how hard I have to fight. I won’t let you go again.”