Chapter 86 PTSD
Melissa sat on the toilet seat with her eyes closed and then she opened it again, her heart slamming against her chest.
"I can do this, I can do this…" she repeated.
Once again she closed her eyes, trying to focus all her intent so she would dissolve into her own mind and meet up with her wolf. The more she tried to focus the more foreign thoughts crashed into her mind. She didn't want to live in a reality where her mate isn't the one she wanted. She'd managed to convince herself that she could make anyone her lover regardless of who her mate was but now that she was actually alone to do it, she couldn't.
She realized deep down, she really didn't want to know. The possibility scared her so much. She tried to steady herself.
"What is this?" She soliloquized. She couldn't believe the fear she had earned this deep. Nothing she was thinking about was changing that instinctive feeling her mind was procuring. Maybe she needed to visit a doctor or a therapist because right now she was covered in sweat and her hands were shaking.
She couldn't understand why, herself. She hadn't really placed much thought on the issue for a long time but she'd once lived a life where her mate had killed her. She'd shoved it off, buried it and turned the entire situation into a drive for hatred and vengeance. But the probability that the one who was actually fated to be with her might be the same man trying to kill her had developed a new horror in her. She knew she needed to talk to someone about it.
"Are you planning to die there?" Richard's voice said from outside.
"You followed us when I said you shouldn't, this is just a coy plan of mine to draw you out." she replied, even though she was more than surprised.
"Congratulations," he said. "Your plans worked, now get out," he commanded.
"Or what?" she teased.
"Or I will scream come look at the queen," he called her bluff.
Melissa giggled. "Just wait outside," she said "I am coming," she tried to make herself look happy so as not to alarm Richard. She got up from the toilet, clicked open the door and peeped to check if Richard had really gone outside. "He does listen," she said to herself as she walked out of the toilet.
"Hey," she greeted as soon as she got out. He was leaning against the wall wearing a black leather jacket and a hat that made him look cooler than he usually seems.
He raised his eyes. "Come on let us get out of here," he turned around and started walking out of the corridor.
Melissa rushed forward and they both left the party together. They spotted Beatrice and Hashar at a corner, they were both sipping a kind of cocktail from the same cup but with different straws. When she looked at Beatrice, she felt the genuine happiness coming from her and it made her happy too but it also made her a bit sad. She couldn't comfortably sit with her own boyfriend like that. She couldn't even bring herself to confirm if he was her mate or not.
She hated the idea that this, what they had is supposed to be a secret. She wanted to tell everyone in the world how wonderful and sweet he is and kiss him as freely as she wanted to but she couldn't. It felt as if she was being punished for her stupidity but the feeling was getting unbearable.
Richard turned to her and smiled. "What are you thinking about?" He asked.
"Nothing," she replied with a straight face.
"Really," he stopped walking and turned around, halting her steps in the process. "You really think I won't know when you are worried? Just trying to keep a straight face won't help. So spit it out, what are you thinking about?" He asked again.
She looked at him. "I am not telling. It isn't something much, so shoo and get out of my face, staring at your face is making me want to puke," she shoved him aside and walked forward.
He hurtled towards her again. "So, you not telling me probably means it is about me," he began. "So what is it about me? What did I do? Are you mad…" he continued but Melissa didn't let him finish.
"It isn't about you at all," she replied.
"I know when you lie too," he held her in his hand and flipped her around looking straight into her eyes. "It is about us isn't it?"he said and she nodded.
"You don't like this, I am guessing?" He gestured towards both of them.
"What? No! I love this. I just don't like that I have to hide this. This means more than you think. It is the most important aspect of my life." She confirmed for him.
"We will be alright girl," he said.
"But will we?" She asked.
Richard always had this way of making everything feel optimistic and hopeful, but she had lived a life before and she knew some situations never change for the better. The pain she'd carried from that life still lives with her. In fact it was the reason she couldn't speak for her wolf the stream of her own consciousness
"Yes, you trust me right?" He asked.
"A bit,"she replied, turning her back and folding her hands while rolling her eyes. "It is hard to trust a stalker," she said.
Richard burst out laughing before grabbing her from behind. "Well, good to know, I am just a bit obsessed with you," he replied and then pecked her on the cheeks.
Melissa turned around and they kissed for a bit. "Why are you here though?"she asked.
"You didn't leave the party after five minutes, I knew you had to be in the toilet," he said. "You hate parties like this. You always claim you can't stand the changing light colors,"
She giggled. "Well, thanks," she smiled as he kissed him again