Chapter 108 Meditations pt 1
Duncan
"The Awakening? What in the world is that?" I was thoroughly confused.
"The Goddess has gifted you the powers, yes, but you still need to awaken them, Alpha Duncan. Open your eye, so to speak. You have to be willing to see the visions and open to the information they can bring."
Shaking my head, I put the pen I had been idly toying with down on the desk and leaned back in my chair. "I am open to them. I already know that I need to use them. The Goddess was very clear about that."
"Forgive me, but unless I'm mistaken, you're already very…frustrated…with your psychometry power and what you perceive as the unreliability of the same. You may not be consciously aware, but that kind of negative emotion focused on your power can be detrimental to its development. In other words, because you're frustrated with it, you have trouble utilizing it to its full potential, which creates a vicious circle. That same emotion carries over to the power of precognition that you've been gifted. And as such, will affect it negatively, too."
'She's right, you know.'
'Not now, Conn. Doesn't it frustrate you to get glimpses with no real substance?'
'I trust Mother. So I trust in the gifts she gives us.' With a huff, he curled up in the back of my mind.
"Say that you're right. How would I change that?" I shifted in my chair, leaning forward. "It's not something I've ever been able to control. I'm not sure that it's something I can change."
"You can, Alpha Duncan. It takes effort and practice, just like any other skill. You wouldn't expect Seren to immediately wield the elements, would you?"
I shook my head.
"Then why would you expect yourself to control a power you've not trained?"
Her logic was flawless, yet my frustration simmered. "But Seren can wield them, can't she? She's a complete natural." The jealousy that had been silently building hit me out of nowhere. I was happy for Seren, and so proud of my mate. She was a blessing and strength and all things good rolled into one, but I couldn't deny that the ease with which she was picking up her elemental powers and even basic fighting skills this morning was leaving me a bit disgruntled. And that was completely unfair to her.
'Finally. Now, we need to purge this and you need to get past it, human, so that we can be worthy of our own mate,' Conn said.
'How did you know I was feeling this way when even I didn't?'
'I'm part of you. I see all of you, even the parts you keep hidden from yourself.' He sent a wave of reassurance to me, almost as if he was leaning his large body against mine in my head. 'We're in this together, you and I. And now that you're acknowledging these things you've been burying, we'll cut them out and move forward.'
I looked at Elaine. She had a soft smile on her face as she watched me speak with Conn and process these realizations. My shoulders sagged as I slumped back in my chair. "Okay. How do I start?"
"We meditate. You need to connect to the place within yourself that's holding these negative emotions so that you can process through them. Once you do that, you should be able to open yourself to the new powers."
We moved to the conversation area of my office and placed cushions on the floor. Elaine sat on one, folding her legs together and resting her hands on her knees. I copied her position.
"Meditation starts with your breath. Once you have control of your breathing, you can begin to clear your mind. Your first task is to reach a state where your mind is clear and you can turn your focus inward. From there, we'll move to the next."
After several tries, I finally gained some semblance of calm. Sitting still and looking inward was difficult for me. Action was what I was familiar with, and this calm went against my nature. When I reached a state where my thoughts were quiet and my breathing deep, Elaine's soft voice carried to me. "Now, find the door to yourself. Reach for it. Release the emotions that are holding you back."
In my mind, I spun until I found a bright red door in the white space. My hand was shaking as I reached for the handle. What if this blew up in my face? I liked to think I was a good person, but realizing I was jealous of my mate showed me I was not nearly as good as I thought I was. With another breath, I gripped the knob and yanked.
Taunting thoughts flew out, streams of smoke surrounding me, swirling mists whispering hateful words.
"You're not good enough to be mated to a princess."
"You're not strong enough to stand next to such a powerful wolf."
"Why do her powers come so easily to her?"
"What if she doesn't need me anymore, now that she's got her family and her training?"
"Your powers are useless. Can't even call them on command."
"What good are visions you can't control?"
I staggered under the onslaught. Just as I was about to slam to my knees, Conn appeared beside me, his growl loud enough to silence the noise as he kept me upright. 'I told you, we're in this together.'
I stood, his confidence in me, in us, giving me strength. "Enough!" I bellowed. Focusing on the good things in my life—my parents' faith in me, the friendships I'd built over the years, the confidence the King and Queen had in me to act honorably—I pulsed that energy against the dark. I felt Seren's love pouring into me from our mate bond. "You have no power over me anymore!" The twisting shadows paused, then scattered, dissipating the face of my resistance.
A cool, damp cloth brushed my forehead, the scent of vanilla, sugar, and the sea invading my senses. A gentle hand brushed aside the damp hair on my forehead. My eyes opened to see my mate, concern etched at the corner of her mouth, her green eyes darkened with worry.
"I felt your pain, love. What's wrong?" She continued to caress my face, dropping the cloth in favor of her fingers. I was lying on the floor beside the cushion. She was still wearing her training clothes, a sheen of sweat on her skin. I looked around to see Elaine standing to the side, Lucian and Tristan with her, Julian at the door.
"I…I'm not sure, exactly. Elaine and I were meditating, trying to connect to my new powers. It was a little more intense than I expected, I guess."
Seren was shaking her head. "No, it was more than that. Kara and I could both feel it." She looked at Elaine. "Wasn't it?"