His Fears

After spending an hour with Sage, I was exhausted and went to my room to sleep. It’s needed, however, as I will be up until after midnight with Sage’s event.

Being alone is good. The quiet and inability to see anyone stops my mind from working and always being switched on.

“Elara.” I hear him and groan, trying to go back to sleep. “You need to eat. You can’t be skipping meals so close to getting your wolf back.”

Sitting up, I look at Darius.

“Don’t glare at me like you’re about to kill me, as you highly likely could. You’re exhausted because you’re not used to having the wolf in you. That also means you need to eat.”

“Fine, no killing you.”

“Can we talk?” He sits down and waits.

“Like I would say no, you’re the king, Darius.” Even in private, it would be rude.

“Just because I am doesn’t mean you should feel like you have to.”

“Okay, I am happy to talk. Did you find her?” I’m assuming that is why he wanted to talk.

“No, she knows the palace better than us, it seems, and knows the rooms to go into that have multiple exits.”

So she is still there somewhere.

“I wanted to apologise for my behaviour.”

My eyes widen at his words.

“Before you say I don’t need to, I do. Our father wasn’t a man you said no to or didn’t listen to. I guess, even now, years after his death, I still fear him. Which I know is foolish.”

“You’re the king. You’re not meant to fear anyone.”

He nods and smiles. “Maybe so, but...Look, you wouldn’t understand. I know William told you I’m brainwashed or similar. I’m not.”

I sit confused. So, all these things he believed he truly did?

“I’m just trying to apologise. I realise how harsh and evil I was to you in some ways. It was through fear, and yes, that means I fear something else. Me, the king, fears more things than you could imagine.”

“Darius, you’re making no sense right now.” He’s jumping about.

“Okay, let me start again.” He moves and sits in front of me. “I was brought up with it beaten into me that mates and those things are not good. I was forced to believe that people like you couldn’t be Luna and shouldn’t be. I was pushed into believing that the future queen should be selected based on her wealth, power and form. I’m trying to break free of those beliefs.”

I want to ask more, like how it was forced on him. Something tells me he fears his father because his father hurt him. He used pain to keep him following the rules, and even now, with his father dead, that fear is still there and making him blind.

“Darius, what are your beliefs, not your fathers. Yours?” Those are what matters.

“I have no beliefs.” I laugh slightly. “I do, but I mean, I don’t. Not really, or I shouldn’t have.”

“Again, you’re making no sense.”

He nods and laughs. “I realised that my beliefs make no difference. I may be the king, but I’m meant to be in line with the majority. So, even if my belief was that you could be the queen and would be amazing at it, it makes no difference, as their views and beliefs essentially run the kingdom.”

I kind of understand what he’s saying. Regardless of his view and belief, it holds no weight. Not if he did things right and listened to the people. Still, I want his view.

“Now that we established that, I still want your belief and view.”

He sits and considers it. “My view is that it doesn’t matter who the person is, what they have or where they come from. They can still be a better queen than someone with more. My view doesn’t matter, though.”

“It does to me, Darius. Maybe not to those out there, but to me, it matters. You were brought up to believe that the Luna is someone who has a true self. Created, taught to be how she should be. She has no real identity, so she wouldn’t care what your views are; she would just agree. I do care what your views are.”

I get it. Lyra and many of the others wouldn’t care about his view. They wouldn’t have an opinion on it. They would accept it and continue as if it made no difference.

“That’s where the issues are coming from. How good can a king be without someone there questioning his actions and beliefs? How much can a king grow if he’s got no one there to tell him when he’s being a prick.”

I smirked at him, and he laughed.

“Is that you calling me a prick?”

My eyes roll. “Kind of, but a prick can change. You’re proving that.”

He laughs and nods. “About tonight, do you remember the rules?”

Groaning, I nod. “Yes, behave, do as I am told. Be a good girl.” It shouldn’t annoy me that I have rules, but it does. It’s not me, it’s Winter, she likes freedom, and rules aren’t freedom.

“It’s to make sure you’re safe. We will stay close by you; with everyone shifted, we won’t be able to instantly spot anyone who shouldn’t be there, like Ethan.”

He’s right. I could see Ethan and knew to avoid him. Will I realise it’s him if he’s shifted? What if Draven shows up? I know what his wolf is like, at least. I’ve not seen Sage’s wolf. That is something else to consider.

I’m not even sure what tonight is meant to be. Do we just sit there as wolves? I never thought to ask.