Chapter 23 The Child We Lost
Lina's POV
My chest tightened painfully, but it tightened even more when I thought about how I had spent the last seven years of my life in confusion, lies, betrayal, and maybe even worse.
My lips parted slightly and a silent hiss smoothly slipped out of my mouth.
Noel looked at me with regret in his eyes. He looked like someone who had been carrying years of guilt alone with no one to help him.
I sniffed in the tears that were threatening to pour out of my eyes, “So why did you come back?” I asked.
Noel shifted closer to me on the bed, “Lina…please—”
I shut my eyes and lifted my palm up to stop him, “Don't, Noel!” I yelled. “Don't even try to make up for this. Just tell me, please, why did you come back?”
“I never wanted to leave you,” he whispered.
“Of course, you didn't.” I chuckled darkly.
“Lina, I came back because I need to tell you something…something even more important.” Noel finally spoke.
I let out a dry laugh, “What now? You still have more truths to tell? Tell me now, what else did you do?”
“Lina, you're in danger. You need to drop this case. These children…they are not missing, they're chosen. Please don't try to solve this case….it's not even an ordinary incident—it’s more than what you and I can see.” Noel shifted closer to me again, his trembling hands slowly finding mine.
“What are you even saying, Noel? I know all of this, but what could ever be more dangerous than what you did to me?” I barked.
“But I'm sorry, Lina.”
“Just shut up!” Tears were beginning to slip down my eyes. “I almost died because of you.”
“What…what are you talking about?” Noel asked softly, his voice was low and he sounded clearly confused.
“You…you're stupid.” I sobbed tearfully. “I'd your baby…I was pregnant for you.” I finally let the words out. It was hard for me to accept the fact—the truth I've been hiding from.
Noel was shocked.
His eyes widened in disbelief.
I bet he wasn't expecting anything close to what I just said.
I got pregnant with Noel's child, but I never told him. The day I planned to tell him about the pregnancy, he suddenly disappeared and that was when I thought he left because he might have found out about the pregnancy. I thought maybe he wasn't ready to be a father yet, so he left to escape the responsibility.
But seeing how shocked and utterly confused Noel's expression was, it's clear that he knows nothing about the pregnancy seven years ago.
“What…what did you just say?” Noel asked, voice trembling, his eyes suddenly became wet as he slowly rose from the bed—his eyes never leaving me.
He kept staring at me as if the ground had just cracked open beneath him.
I couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears came out in full force now. And for some reason, it feels like I've betrayed Noel even more than he did to me.
He didn't know about the pregnancy, but I concluded he knew about it and he ran because of it. Meanwhile he's just finding out about it.
“Lina, please….talk to me.” He stammered, his eyes searched every inch of my body as if he was looking for something—maybe evidence.
I swear I can see it in his eyes, the words hit him like a blunt force to the chest. Noel wasn't expecting any of what he just heard. I bet it feels like a rope is being tightened around his throat right now.
“I…I…I thought you left because you weren't ready….” I sobbed uncontrollably. The words barely even left my teary throat. The more I tried to speak, the more I cried.
“Ready? Ready for what?”
“To be a father—”
“You had my child?” Noel broke down on his knees.
“I was…pregnant…” I stammered.
“Preg—” His voice broke. “Pregnant? With… with my child?”
I nodded slowly, almost unsure if I did the right thing telling him about this now.
Noel staggered back, one hand gripping the edge of the table as if the room had suddenly tilted. For a moment, he looked like he couldn’t breathe.
“My God…” He cried, slowly slumping to his knees. He lowered himself, collapsing onto them as though his body had finally given up. His hands shook violently before he buried his face in them.
I swear I have never seen a man cry this much before.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Noel cried, voice muffled. “Why didn’t you tell me the moment you found out?” his voice cracked while he spoke.
“Noel, you were gone. You disappeared. You left without a word—” I managed to say amidst tears.
“I didn’t leave!” he suddenly snapped, lifting his head up at once to look at me again.
His eyes were red, wet, shining with agony. “I didn’t leave, Lina. I was forced to. I needed to protect the people I love—my dad, you! Do you think I would abandon you? Do you think I would disappear knowing you were—knowing you were carrying my—” he couldn't even finish his sentence, the tears wouldn't let him to.
He pressed a trembling hand against his forehead while still sobbing.
“You should’ve told me. You should’ve found a way. Anything… anything, Lina—” His voice shattered again.
My lips quivered. “I tried. I searched for you, Noel. I even reported you missing. They told me you vanished on your own. That maybe you changed your mind about me—about us—”
“I never did,” he whispered fiercely, almost too confidently.
“You…you had my baby. Our child—” Noel suddenly let out a weird laugh, but it seemed genuine and maybe something close to excitement.
“I lost her, Noel.” I finally dropped the bombshell. I swallowed hard, tears sliding down my cheeks. “I’m sorry. I lost the child… four months later after I found out about the pregnancy. I had a miscarriage, Noel.”
Noel’s entire body froze.
Then he broke down.
He let out a sound—half scream, half sob—that tore through the room.
He grabbed his hair, fingers shaking uncontrollably, as if the pain was too much to keep inside.
“My child… my baby…” He bent forward until his forehead touched the floor. “God… I missed everything. I didn’t even know. I didn’t even get to try. I didn’t—” His voice seized. “I wasn’t there.”
He punched the floor weakly, helplessly.
“I didn’t get to protect you. I didn’t get to protect the baby. I failed before I even knew I was a father.”
I couldn't do anything, I remained rooted to the bed, unable to move. I was being controlled by fear and absolute loss.
“Noel,” I finally whispered, slowly slipping out of the bed and kneeling beside him.
He shook his head hard, tears raining.
“Seven years, Lina. Seven years of thinking I left you. Seven years of suffering alone. I lived all those years away feeling guilty. I judged myself, I knew I was a bad person, but I thought—” He paused and swallowed hard, then he continued, “.....I thought I would be given a second chance in life again…with you. And now—now you tell me I had a child?”
His voice splintered into raw misery. “You should’ve told me. I deserved to know. We were in love.”
“And we are still in love…” I whispered into his hair as I wrapped my arms around his fullness, pulling him closer to myself.
He didn't say anything, he continued to sob.
“You weren't gonna tell me, were you?” Noel suddenly asked, his voice surprisingly calm, but cold.