The answer is obvious

Filipe was looking at me for a few moments, I noticed that his look had confusion and a bit of fear. Was he scared of me? Or afraid to start?

"Lia, I..." Filipe had that look, that look that I had seen several times before.

"No Philip, no!" I spoke louder, immediately moving away from him. "I don't want to hear what you have to tell me because I already know very well. You don't want a commitment or you have to find someone who is your equal. I say with an ironic laugh. I deal with guys like you." I look at him ironically. "I love myself Filipe, I work for myself and give myself the best things, because I deserve it!" Shout. "I know my worth very well and I'm not going to waste time with guys who don't even know how old they are. Now go!"

I speak, turn my back and enter the bathroom. I lean against the door and hear the bedroom door close after a few moments, then a huge rock falls on me.

Who does Filipe think he is? Why did you say those things if you didn't want to? Why am I the one again lying on this cold floor, lamenting once again? Why is it always me and not them?

I would never give someone false hope, say nice things, or take them to my house and charm them. Because I don't like to hurt anyone, but everyone hurts me. So I look down at the reason for my constant pain. My belly.

I try to tell myself that I'm beautiful and I try to look at it kindly, but other people look at me like I'm some kind of freak. As if my body was like this because I wasn't careful or because I wasn't vain. But no, that was always me. I've always been like this and always will be.

I always asked God if I would have the courage and strength to live the rest of my life like this, attracting disapproving looks. It's just my body! And it's my body! There is life in it, there are feelings, there is my broken heart and there are my insecurities!

I may be big, but I'm just like anyone else. Actually, no, I'm stronger than a lot of people. I've won battles that sissies would never even dream of winning and I was standing tall, singing victory. But I was tired, I also wanted what everyone wants, company.

Would one day find it? Would the person I want, who sees my soul before my body, find me?

I wasn't standing around waiting, of course not. I was sure that if he existed, we would meet on the way. Maybe at a diner, or maybe he would help me fix my car or we would coincidentally bump into each other on the street.

I don't know and I liked the feeling of not knowing. I was daydreaming and although it seemed cliché, it would have to be something remarkable. I wanted something out of the ordinary, I wanted something special. Someone who knew how to transform simple moments into great love stories. That's not too much to ask. This is the essential!

But Filipe had proven to me right now that he couldn't give me what I wanted and that's okay. Of course he's hurting, a lot, more than he'd like to admit. But it has to be like this, I wouldn't play house with Filipe and the sooner this game ends, the better.

I got up from the floor, as I had thrown myself down without strength. But I got up, I got up ready to face the world. If I was hurt? Of course yes. But I wouldn't end my life or stop because of one person.

Mainly because of the man. I wouldn't allow myself to go through what I went through, it would be incredibly stupid and I'm not stupid. I don't expect a second fall, I'll leave in the first one.

I got up and looked in the mirror, smiling ironically at myself. How can my life be so cursed to only send me a bunch of coconuts in my life. No, seriously, there had to be some explanation. I've never had bad friends, I've never been part of the "peace and love" group—I have all the respect for anyone who cares about peace—but the point is I've always been a good person.

So there's something wrong going on, someone must have thrown some nasty rubbish at me, it just has to be.

I put on more natural makeup and changed my clothes. I changed my knitted clothes for shorts with a cute and comfortable fabric and put on a croppet in the same color, both brown. I braided my hair and I looked beautiful friends.

My clothes and makeup highlighted my natural beauty and my skin was a little shiny from the products I had used. Leaving my room, I really walked, I was enjoying it.

The resort was beautiful and there were several "bridges" made of very beautiful wood, making the place very rustic. It was beautiful. I saw people in the background at several tables drinking juices and other drinks and evidently, I approached.

Unfortunately, the only vacant place in the place was the table where Vídia, Fernando, Filipe and that fake one were. I sat there, looking as if nothing had happened. I took off my sunglasses and my hat, realizing that everyone was looking at me.

"What it was?" I ask towards Vídia.

"Are you going to the Vogue show by any chance?" Vídia asks, laughing, but without a malicious tone.

"Every day I go to a Vogue show and you should be too." I respond looking at her with a smile. "You're the bride, you should have white pigeons flying around you all the time."

"She's beautiful the way she is." Fernando says, looking at me with a frown, as always, looking at me as if I were bad company.

"Vidia, my love." I speak by extending our hands and joining them. "But this dress looks like a sheet. We're going on a hike, you have to wear light and comfortable clothes.

I speak and observe that everyone looks at me as if I were a sinner.