Chapter 33 When He Said Her Name

Chapter 33 When He Said Her Name
Ivy

The door clicked shut but I didn't turn around because I already knew it was him, and my heart was thumping so hard against my ribs that I thought it might actually pop out of my chest. I was still wearing that heavy diamond necklace and the dress that felt like a costume, and the room was dark except for the moonlight coming through the big windows, and I felt like I was floating and falling all at the same time.

"You should not be here, Lucian," I whispered, but I didn't move away when I felt his heat behind me, and the air in the room suddenly felt way too thick to breathe.

"I couldn't stay away, not after tonight, because you were the only thing I could see in that crowded room," he said, and his voice was deep and scratchy and it made my skin tingle in a way that scared me and excited me too.

"Everyone was looking at me, I thought they would see the lie on my face," I said, turning around to face him, and my breath hitched because he looked so handsome and so dangerous standing there in the shadows.

"They didn't see anything but a queen, Ivy," he whispered, stepping closer until our toes were touching, and he reached out to touch the necklace around my neck, "You were magnificent tonight, my wife, a true queen."

"I'm not your wife, Lucian, and I’m not a queen, I’m just a girl pretending to be someone else so I don't lose everything," I said, but my voice was shaking and I reached up to grab his wrists because I needed to hold onto something solid.

"Tonight, you were better than you could ever be, you were real and you were kind and you had them all eating out of your hand," he said, and he leaned down so his face was right next to mine, "Do you have any idea what you do to me when you look like that?"

"What do I do?" I asked, my voice barely a sound, and I felt his hands move from the necklace to my waist, pulling me so close that I could feel the fast beat of his heart against my own.

"You make me forget the rules, you make me forget my father, you make me want to burn this whole house down just so I can take you away," he growled, and then his lips were on my neck, trailing fire down to my shoulder, and I let out a little gasp that sounded far away.

"We can't do this, if someone comes in, if Alistair comes up and finds you here, we are dead, Lucian, you know we are," I said, but I was already arching my back, letting him get closer, and my hands were moving into his hair because I couldn't help myself.

"Let them come, let them see, I don't care about anything but you right now," he whispered against my skin, and he picked me up like I was nothing and carried me to my big bed, and we fell onto the silk covers and everything felt like a dream.

"Is this because of the dress? Or the gala? Or because we survived?" I asked, looking up at him as he loomed over me, his eyes dark and hungry and focused only on me.

"It's because of you, Ivy, just you," he said, and then he kissed me, and it wasn't a soft kiss, it was hard and desperate and it tasted like all the secrets we were keeping, and I wrapped my legs around his waist because I wanted to be as close to him as possible.

"I feel like I'm breaking," I breathed out, my fingers digging into his shoulders as the heat between us grew so hot I thought I might melt, "Lucian, please."

"I've got you, I've got you," he muttered, his hands everywhere at once, making me feel things I didn't know I could feel, and the world outside the room just stopped existing because there was only his touch and the way he said my name.

We were moving together and the adrenaline from the gala was turning into something else, something much more powerful and much more scary, and I felt like I was finally alive again, and I didn't want it to ever stop.

"You're so beautiful," he gasped, his face buried in the crook of my neck, his breath hot and fast, "I can't lose this, I can't lose you."

"Then don't," I told him, pulling his face up so I could look at him, "Don't ever let me go back to being a ghost."

He pushed deeper, his muscles tight and shaking, and he looked at me with so much emotion that it made my eyes sting, and for a second, I really believed that we could make it, that the lie didn't matter as long as we had this.

"I love you, Elena," he whispered, his voice raw and breaking as he hit the peak of his passion.

The world stopped. My heart didn't just skip a beat, it felt like it hit a wall and crashed into a million pieces, because Elena was his mother’s name, the woman who owned the necklace I was wearing, the woman who was dead.

"I mean... Ivy," he corrected immediately, his eyes widening in shock, his face turning pale as he realized what he had just said, "Ivy, I'm sorry, I didn't... I just..."

"You called me Elena," I said, and my voice sounded small and cold and the heat that was just there a second ago turned into ice in my veins.

"It was a slip, the necklace, the gala, it was just a mistake," he said, reaching out to touch my cheek, but I flinched away because suddenly I felt like I was just a doll he was dressing up to remember someone else.

"Am I just a ghost to you too, Lucian? Am I just playing a part for you like I am for your father?" I asked, and the tears started to leak out because I realized that even in his arms, I wasn't really me.

"No, Ivy, no, please listen to me," he started, but the magic was gone and the room felt big and empty again, and I turned my head away so he wouldn't see me cry.

I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer to hide my face, letting the forbidden pleasure wash away the pretense, if only for a night, but inside I was wondering if anyone would ever love Ivy, or if they only loved the woman they wanted me to be.