Chapter 122

The aftermath 2.

Derek's POV.

If I were okay? Ray's statement couldn't have been more true because I wasn't okay. I appeared that way on the outside to everyone but in truth, I wanted to lock myself away some other times.

"Derek?"

"Hmm?"

Ray took a seat on one of the chairs in front of my desk, then angled his body to look at me properly. I still stood against the window and my shoulders slumped under his scrutiny.

"I've been trying to get your attention for two minutes now and you're just spaced out," he commented harmlessly and I rubbed the back for my neck. I really disliked being in my head these days, and what was worse was that other pack members had started noticing it too.

"Yeah, I've been living in my head a lot these days." I sighed, then dragged my feet across the floor until I was back behind my desk and in the comfort of my desk chair. My eyes met Ray's as he regarded me slowly. He cocked his head to the side before giving me a small smile, but the smile looked anything but happy. It was one of those "you'll be fine" smiles and I hated that. I didn't want anyone to pity me.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked, my voice expressionless. Ray only shook his head then relaxed into his chair.

"About what you are thinking about," he said almost immediately and my eyes widened. I hadn't been expecting such an honest answer.

"It's nothing much," I said, trying to keep my voice firm but it was anything but. Unlike the first time when I asked him humorlessly, this time, my voice was brimming with emotions that was just simmering at the surface.

"Nothing much? Or is it just so much that you don't want to talk about it." Ray quirked a brow. He sounded so sure of himself too.

"Well, if you know that then why are you trying to pester me?" My blood simmered in my veins, and my lip curled. Ray's response was to smile one of those smiles that he knew got under my skin most times and it did just that.

"Ray! Stop!" I sounded like I was pleading. I fell back into my chair and covered my face with my hands.

"I keep pestering you because I want you to talk."

"And why do you want that? I'm not interested," I retorted.

"You need to get it out of you're system. Bottling everything up won't do you any good and very soon, it could start affecting your work and I know you wouldn't want that."

I sat in abruptly and looked at the man that had been by my side for years.

"Have I ever told you that you act like a nagging mother?" I let out and he chuckled.

"Nope. You've called me a lot of things in the past, but that's a first for that one."

"Huh, good to know." Ray's chuckles died down and he became serious once again.

"You really aren't going to drop this?" I asked, exasperated.

"No."

"And here I thought you came to get the reports since you weren't interested in hearing them."

"What gave you that idea? I never said I was here for any report, I'm here for you." Ray sighed deeply then shook his head again and I felt like a small child who had done something wrong.

"Besides, I do get my own separate reports you know and believe me when I say that I'm up to speed with everything," he assured me and I nodded. My ears were on fire from shame but he didn't make me feel bad for it. Why hadn't I thought that he could be getting his own separate reports? I rested my palm against my forehead and sighed. I really needed to get myself back in order.

"... Derek?" Ray called out and I moved my head back and forth to get myself to focus.

"Sorry, what were you saying again?" There was a pause as Ray looked at me, trying to determine if I was playing dumb to not answer his question or if I was truly spacing out. I guess he decided on the latter because he didn't press me on it.

"I'm still waiting for an answer," he murmured and I swallowed. My throat had clamped up at the thought of talking about what I had been burying in my chest, but one look at Ray and I knew he wouldn't leave me alone unless I gave him something to hear.

The silence between us stretched on and I felt myself growing smaller and smaller under his piercing gaze. I felt nothing like the Alpha I was and more like a kid ready to confess. My breathing was slow, and I felt my heart beat match the ticks the clock made which made me feel more on edge.

"Derek I'm not going to bite you or anything," Ray let out and the hint of an "already fed up" laced his voice. I rubbed my hands across my face before meeting his eyes.

"I know that!... It's just-"

"Really hard to talk about it?"

"Yes, exactly." I wasn't sure I wanted him hearing every single thing that happened between Scarlett and I but I thought I could start somewhere. Another silence followed as I tried to organize my thoughts, and Ray cleared his throat.

"Let me start since you're having trouble starting out."

"What?"

"Tell me about Scarlett." I sucked in a sharp breath. It was just four words, yet I had such a visceral reaction to hearing them, to hearing that name out loud. I hadn't heard it in a while. Ray looked at me softly as though he understood what was running through my mind.

"I..."

"You don't have to spill everything you know? Just tell me how you're feeling right now. I know it can't be way for you since she was your mate and you both had been getting a long just fine until she decided to run away."

She was. He had said "she was". It wouldn't have meant anything to me before but now, hearing past tense associated with her reminded me of the condition she was in and I couldn't take that.

"She is my mate!" I snapped.