Chapter 12: I Know I'm Not the Only One

“Does she know?” Chris pushed Nina’s offending finger off his chest, the longer she drew circles on his skin the more disgusted with himself he felt.

“Who?” He pushed himself into a sitting position, his back resting against the headboard.

“Jada,” Nina said with a giggle. “Does she know you are here, in bed, with me?”

Chris hated how she dragged her words, as if trying to create a rhythm where none existed. He sat up straight the muscles in his neck hardening. He had met Nina at a club three months ago, she had introduced herself as Jada. Chris had wanted to escape his new reality and found himself running into the arms of Jada’s worst enemy, her sister. He only found out her identity a few days prior and had slept with her twice since then. He was an asshole, an ass who was doing anything and everything to keep the distance between Jada and himself as wide as possible. This was the preverbal nail in the coffin.

Chris swung his legs off the bed and grabbed his boxers off the floor and pulled them on. “No, Jada doesn’t know about you or Meredith or any of the others. Why, feeling a little remorseful?”

“No, never,” Nina stretched on the bed, the sheets sliding down her body to reveal her round breasts. The moonlight bouncing off her skin in a way that seemed so wrong.

Only because she’s not Jada, his conscience said.

Black gold, he thought. Whether she was basking in the sun or the moon, whenever the light hit Jada’s skin it gave her the right glimmer, a romantic interaction between two of the most beautiful wonders of the world.

Then what was he doing here with Nina, or with Meredith just the day before and whatever their names were the nights before. What was it about these women that he had no trouble sliding into their beds, and what was it about Jada that kept him from her bed?

“What are you thinking about?” Nina’s fingers touched his skin making him recoil and get off the bed.

“I am thinking that there is something seriously wrong with me. That Jada is the most precious person in the world to me, not only because she’s pregnant but because of a reason so wonderful that it’s out of my reach,” Chris mumbled to himself. Those words were meant for him more than they were for Nina.

“Precious? Please,” Nina scoffed.

“I think she’s in love with me, can you imagine that?” An odd self-mocking chuckle escaped his aching chest. “Me, not my brother, but me. For the first time since we were born someone chose me over Kit.”

“Maybe because she didn’t have a choice. You did knock her up,” Nina said in a disgusted scoff.

Chris grew deathly still, the thought of being a forced option stole whatever glee he had. But that wasn’t true, Duke had offered her options that she had turned down. Jada had given up an apartment of her own to move in with Chris. However, she had accepted Duke’s job offer. “She made her choice; God bless her for it. I pity her for it, I thank her, and I am grateful.”

“Then why are you here with me?”

“I’m not the one for her,” Chris admitted honestly. “I don’t even want to be here with you, or with Meredith or those other women. I’m here because you are what I deserve, and your sister is too good for me.”

Nina’s gaze widened. With a bitter roar she threw a pillow at him which he quickly dodged. “Do you know why I’m here? I am going to teach little Miss Sweet Jada to hold onto the things she loves.” Her eyes gleamed with amusement at his expense. “She’s going to regret being the good child and making me look bad.”

For the first time in his life Chris felt like he was looking into a mirror. Nina was him and he was Nina. Selfish, jealous and destructive. This is what people saw each time he tried and failed to steal from Kit. But Nina had succeeded each time, chipping off Jada’s self-confidence little by little.

“If you are thinking that you’ll be able to make nice with my sister, let me tell you she won’t have you. Not after she finds out I’ve had you.” Yelling, Nina stormed past Chris waving her arms in emphasis. “Jada doesn’t share well.”

The regret that had been churning inside his stomach since the beginning of his fling with Nina threatened to make its way out of his mouth with the rest of his dinner and whisky. This was it, as per usual at the end of all his flings, Chris wrote a check and left a note on the nightstand. And if he had any luck, he would never see Nina again.

***

Jada held the phone to her ear sure that the receptionist had the wrong name or had called the wrong room. Ever since she had moved into the hotel the only person who had rung for her was the driver when he arrived or Smith when he was making a quick stop picking up or dropping off documents for Jada to analyze.

“Did you say, Darrell Scott?” Jada asked in bewildered.

“Yes Ms. Williams, should I show him up or ask him to leave,” asked the receptionist.

Jada thought about sending him away. She had closed the door on her past, and even though she was standing at a fork of the road stuck with no direction to go, she was sure of one thing, she had no intention of taking a step back. But what if something had happened to her mother or her sister. Being on the penthouse it would require an escort to ride up with Darrell and if she changed her mind, security could just take him back down.

“I’ll see him,” she said. Immediately she hung the phone up dread settled deep inside her and she immediately regretted it. Before she could pick the receiver back up and ask for him to leave, she thought of the effort he made to come to New York to see her. He had even found out where she was staying. She would hear him out, then immediately ask him to leave and never to look for her again.

Jada sat on the sofa; it gave her a direct view of her door. She wouldn’t need to get up, the butler service or security would let him in. Besides Jada was afraid that if she moved from the stoic posture she was trying to master, Darrell would realize just how nervous she was. Moments later the door opened, and the butler showed Darrell in.

“If you need anything Ms. Williams I’ll be on the other side of this door,” he said with a curt nod and closed the door before Jada could thank him.

Jada wondered how long it would take the butler to notify Smith about her guest and if that would earn her a visit from Christopher or a phone call from Duke. It had been at least a week since she had seen Christopher. He walked out on their argument or discussion after Duke’s wedding, and she hadn’t heard from him since. He as hiding from her, Jada knew that. Whereas he made her feel guarded and brave she made him feel weak and vulnerable. Jada wondered how much longer he would keep running and if she would still be waiting when he stopped.

“Penthouse suite, butler, and one of the richest men in New York as a sponsor, you’ve done well for yourself Jada,” Darrell grinned back bitterly before adding, “And to think you almost settled for me.”

“What do you want Darrell?” Jada didn’t move from her spot or offer him a seat. The faster he said what he brought him to her the sooner he would leave.

Darrell squinted at her as he regarded her more carefully, “Are you pregnant or did you put on a bit of weight.”

“Darrell!” She warned.

“I just can’t believe you are here enjoying this cushy life when your sister practically ruined me. Her beauty shop failed, she hasn’t made a single payment on the loan and the bank is threatening to cease the house.” A tic jerked in his chin, and he forced his lips in an angry smile. “Serve me right though, for dumping you and marrying her.”

Jada didn’t say a word, she knew better than to kick a man when he was down. But she didn’t sympathize with him either. She watched as he made himself at home by raiding her bar. All the drinks there were Christopher’s, but she didn’t feel like it was important to point it out. Housekeeping would just replace whatever he drank. Considering how long he had been gone, Christopher wouldn’t miss it.

Silence settled over them, the air filled with only the sound of ice clicking against each other in his glass and his gulps. Darrell mumbled inaudibly to himself, laughing, grumbling and swearing. Jada didn’t know how long they had been sitting like that, but he was already three-quarter way down the bottle.

“Do you need money?” Jada dared to ask.

A shadow of a smile formed on his lips, “Among other things.”

“What else do you want?”

“Tell me where your sister is,” his mouth hardened, and his brown eyes burned with rage and resolve.

“What are you talking about?” Jada’s stomach dropped. How is it that she had run away from her past only for it to end up on her front door? “Nina is New York?”

“Didn’t your baby daddy tell you?” Darrell cocked his head to the left, then when he realized that she knew nothing, a snarky smile slowly claimed his lips. His boisterous laugh filled the room. “They are sleeping together.”

Christopher barrelled through the door just as her world came to a sudden halt. Jada felt numb, it was like she had gone deaf and dumb in an instant. She was standing at a fork in the road, she couldn’t take a step back into the hellhole she had left, and she couldn’t take a step forward into the unknown, so she had decided to stand still. Jada realized she made the wrong choice.

Jada looked into his eyes; her numbness thawed out as instantly as it had seized her. A maelstrom of emotions that she could never have prepared herself to hit her. Jada froze as something painful raptured inside her. It felt like her belly had burst open and was sending fire throughout her veins. Paralyzed, crying out in pain she doubled over her arms around her belly. Every twinge of pain cut through her, her heart bled out and fear for her children claimed her before her world went dark.

***

Chris rushed forward, his arm stretched out before him, he caught Jada just before her lifeless body rolled off the sofa and hit the ground. He cradled her body against his own, gently trying to shake her awake. When she didn’t open her eyes, he called for the butler to get his car.

“What are you doing here?” he barked at Darrell.

“Where is my wife?” 

A chill ran through Chris, keeping him dead still. He already knew he didn’t need to ask, but still, he forced the words out, “What did you tell her?”

“The truth, that you are fucking my wife!” Darrell yelled loud enough to wake the dead but Jada remained still.

Chris gathered Jada in his arms and rushed out the door. This is what I wanted, he told himself, I wanted to cause so much damage that she wouldn’t want me anymore. Then why does it feel like I destroyed my life and hers?

Chris sat in the waiting room, his hands buried in his hair, his elbows on his knees, and his heart beating a tattoo in his throat.

She knows.

Never in his life had he felt the fear that was slowly winding its vines around his heart, squeezing him so tight. He wondered when he was going to toss aside the shovel, he kept digging his grave in. He was a troublemaker who seemed allergic to a peaceful existence. HE told himself that he would worry about his latest mistake later, right now all he wanted was for Jada and the babies to be safe. 

His head lifted when he heard a door open. When he saw Kat, he jumped to his feet and rushed to her. “How is she?”

“What exactly happened?” Kat’s eyes narrowed as she examined him. His sister had immediately assumed that he was the reason why Jada was in the hospital, she wasn’t wrong but he wasn’t about to tell her that.

“What do you mean?” Chris asked in fake bewilderment.

“The two of you were here a little over a week ago. She was fine and now suddenly her blood pressure is through the roof. You, Chris, have a talent of pushing people to the edge. What happened?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled his eyes looking away from her.

“Christopher, this is already a high-risk pregnancy so don’t make it any harder on her. She should be in a peaceful atmosphere, not dealing with your latest drama,” Kat let out a labored breath as if she too was tired of him. “Do you plan on bringing your babies to a hotel room once they are born?”

“What?” he asked confused.

“Why is Jada still in a hotel? Children need a home and Jada needs that stability. Why are you taking so long to grow-up!” Kat’s voice rose calling the attention of the people around them.

“You don’t have to yell.”

“And you don’t have to be so frustrating!”

“Why do you assume that it’s my fault when-,” 

Kat cut him off mid-sentence, and with a pained expression asked, “Is it not your fault?”

“Is she awake,” he ignored what she said, looked past her to the hospital room. 

“Yes,” Kat answered reluctantly.

Chris made for the door but Kat stopped him before he could get anywhere near it. Frustrated he glared at her, hoping that his bad mood would serve as a warning to her meddling. 

But Kat wasn’t fazed, she didn’t budge. Instead, she leveled him with a steely gaze of her own. “Whatever you did, fix it. Don’t aggravate her either, she’s still not well. Christopher, one day you will cause enough damage to ruin your life and the lives of those around you. You need to start making better decisions.”

Chris took in her warning, nodded in agreement, walked past Kat, and into the room. Jada’s gaze left the ceiling and landed on him as he walked in. The sudden expression on her face at the sight of him was hauntingly familiar, Danny, Kit, Duke, Kat, his father, and his mother. It sliced through him, the look of disappointment. 

Chris searched her eyes looking for a sign, one emotion-anything that would tell him what she was thinking and feeling at that moment. Was she angry, was she hurt…her expression didn’t show it. But then Jada turned her back on his staring out the window.

Chris thought about asking her about what Darrell had told her exactly, but he was too chicken for that. So instead, he sat on the couch staring at Jada’s back, relaxing in the slight reprieve her cold shoulder offered him. It gave him time to figure out exactly what he was going to say to her. Chris didn’t think she cared that he had been sleeping with other women, it was just that one particular one that he knew she would have a problem with. Should he tell her why he did it, or just shrug it off as another Chris screw up?

He also thought about what Kat said, giving Jada and his children a home and stability. Buying a house that Jada could turn into a home wasn’t the problem. He just struggled with his role in that home. The thought of being responsible for three other people besides himself was daunting, knowing that Jada could peel off the band-aid covering his insecurities and leave his wounds for everyone to see was even more terrifying. The grip that had appeared on his neck from the moment he found out about Jada’s discovery, tightened and immediately he felt faint. 

As each day passed, as her belly grew bigger and as her due date approached Chris felt more trapped than ever. He didn’t understand how his brothers welcomed the responsibility with such ease. Chris wasn’t made for this. Being a father and in love required a level of vulnerability from him that he wasn’t willing to allow.

He wasn’t going to think about it now. He was going to sit on that couch and enjoy the quiet before everything around him exploded into emotional confrontations.

***

It was three days before Kat felt comfortable enough to send Jada home. Jada as glad that she and the babies were fine, and although part of her resented him, she was happy that Chris had stayed with her throughout her hospital stay. She only hoped that it wasn’t just guilt that had fueled this uncommon selfless gesture.

Jada was grateful at how careful, considerate, and caring the Henry family was about her pregnancy. Chris’s mother had stopped by with flowers from her husband, she stayed for a few minutes each day she was there, Duke and Kit had called and Kat had hovered over her like a mama bear. It was a different dynamic of a family that she didn’t think she could understand. As odd as it was, it was better than hers had ever been. Chris’s parents were present but in a detached way. Their father watched his children from afar, only stepping in when needed.

Jada wondered what type of father Chris would be to his children. That was how she would think of him from here on out, as the father of her children and a co-parent, anything else hurt too much. She hadn’t spoken to him for the three days they were in the hospital, she was trying to make sense of it all and to let it go. But no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t.

They both sat in the back seat of a black SUV, silence spun out, its effect on them both like the hiss of a snake in the grass at their feet. She stole a selfish moment to watch him and saw something very peculiar on his face. He seemed nervous, almost afraid. Chris would stare at his hands, then out the window, Jada was sure that there was nothing he could see beyond the worry blossoming in his head.

Jada snatched back her hand as they moved over their own volition to cover Chris’s in comfort. This is why people keep taking advantage of you. You are too soft. Stop worrying about other people’s pain and think of your own.

Jada was accustomed to Nina taking away everything that she loved. Nina and Chris were so alike that it at times frightened her. But she never thought that Chris would hurt her in that way, apparently, she was wrong. Jada wondered if she would ever move past her sister or live a life without the power of her presence hovering over her. The humiliation that Nina left her with had nearly undone her sanity.

Will there ever be something in her life that Jada loved and Nina would leave untouched? A little kick answered her. Jada smiled and rubbed the top of her belly, the embers of hope lighting up inside her.

The car came to a stop in front of a Manhattan building. Jada wondered where they were and when Chris got off, she assumed this was his place. She assumed that they were dropping him off and didn’t move. She was grateful for the time alone she would get on the drive to her hotel. However, she was wrong. Chris opened the door for her and held his and out to her to help her out of the car.

Jada looked at his hand as if she was staring into the barrel of a loaded gun. She wanted to be stubborn, to push him away and hop off the car herself. She wanted to draw boundaries and build barriers to keep her already bleeding heart safe. But the soft, almost pleading expression he wore on his face got to her. Jada conceded and took his hand, he didn’t let it go. Not when they entered the doorman building or got on the elevator, or when he opened the front door or walked her into the posh duplex apartment.

Jada let out a long whistle in appreciation of the view in front of her. “How much did this view cost?”

“Too much. Duke bought the air above all the buildings in a 10-block radius. He loves the view of New York at night,” Chris said.

“What do you mean? Is this his place?” she asked in disbelief. She was hoping that Chris didn’t bring her here to pass her off to his brother, it wouldn’t surprise her but that would be too ridiculous.

“For a week. He lives in every residence he builds. Right now, he’s in the suburbs. They all are so that the kids can grow up together.”

Jada was glad for the clarification. But she wondered if he would ever move their little family to the suburbs as well. But she would first have to figure out if they had a family at all.

“Would you like a tour?”

Jada nodded in agreement as Chris tagged her along with him. The place was huge, twice as big as the home she left. Everything about the duplex screamed expensive, from the chandeliers to the light fixtures. As she fell in love with the place, she wondered who would call it home and why they were there.

“What’s this about?” Jada asked.

“What?”

“It’s a lovely place but why am I here?” 

“This is our place now,” Chris said. “I thought you’d want to get a head start on the nursery. This room could be yours-,”

“And where would you sleep?” Jada centered her attention to him, waiting for his next words.

“Jada, I’m sorry.”

Jada pulled her hand free of him and took a step back. It was probably because for the past three days she had been trying to bottle up her pain and anger. But she couldn’t keep the lid on her emotions anymore, the stupid apology popped it off.

“Why?” Jada gave voice to the fear she held inside.

***

Here it is, Chris thought to himself and prepared himself for the blows to the heart she was bound to unleash on him.

Jada’s gaze widened, tears glistening. Chris stared into the firelight dancing in the faceted depths, reflecting her rippling emotions. Most brown eyes gave the impression of opacity but not hers. They were clear and dark with little blue blossoming flowers floating the finest tea. 

Her eyes flashed with accusation and Chris could only stand back and admire how beautiful they were, how gorgeous her heartbreak reflected in them. There was nothing he could say to make this situation any better, but he appreciated this moment, the show of emotion. He was glad he got to know her pain, what it looked like, and what it made him feel.

A clean slate, that was what Danny had asked of Kit when he first barged uninvited into their lives. Could he ask the same? Chris wondered what forgiveness would look like. He had no doubt it would be beautiful.

Where did that come from?

Was that what he wanted?

Yes.

They did say that you had to lose something to understand its importance. 

“Why?” Jada asked through clenched teeth. She didn’t look like she wanted to know but had to.

“I was protecting myself,” Chris scoffed at how ridiculous it sounded, and how true it was. “In my head, I was trying to protect myself from you. The risk of me falling deeply in love with you is so great it scares me. I don’t want to fall into that rabbit hole, knowing that I might not make it out.”

Jada looked away from him suddenly. She pushed the hair that fell over her face in tight curls over her head, only for them to fall once more. Frustrated she let her hair be and him as well.

Jada walked into one of the rooms, then to the room across from it. “I’ll take this room because it’s the main suite. The nursery can be the room across. But the babies will sleep in here with me for the first six months.”

Chris watched her, stunned at how she changed the topic. But he noted the slight tremble in her voice, and how the anger and pain in her eyes threatened her forced composure. Jada had more to say, but she either wasn’t ready or didn’t know how to say it.

“You’re not going to say anything?” The moment the words were out of his mouth he wished he could snatch them back. But there was nothing he could do or say. His chest and throat strangled tight from the breath he was holding.

“What else could I say that you haven’t heard,” she said coolly with the faintest hitch in her voice. “It’s your world, Christopher Luke Henry, the rest of us just exist in it and live to serve to you.”

Chris could taste the blood from his wounded heart on his tongue. He was sure it would have hurt less if she had just ripped the door off its hinges and beat him half to death with it.