Chapter 6

Sitting on a barstool, Brynn fought the urge to spin around so she wasn’t facing Ry. She didn’t want to talk about this. If the identity of her birth father came out publicly, she wouldn’t be the only one affected. But she was feeling closer to Ry. Something she didn’t understand compelled her to tell him…more.

Brynn struggled to figure out what to say. “My parents. They distracted me.”

That much was nonspecific but included the involved parties. She wasn’t the first athlete to have parent issues though she’d never heard of this situation.

“I didn’t know they were at Lake Louise,” he said.

“They weren’t, but after the competition, we…argued. Over the phone.”

As Ry scratched his head, a puzzled expression formed on his face. “That was in December. It’s March.”

“Yeah.” The conversation with Sully, the man she’d called Dad for twenty-four years, had been playing on a continuous loop for months, ripping apart her confidence and her heart.

The podium was yours, Brynn, but you screwed up. Just like you always do.

I was trying to cut time, go for the win.

You don’t know what winning means. You’re weak. A loser. You’ve never been one of us.

But Dad—

Don't call me that. I’m done pretending to be your father. You’re a disgrace to the Windham name, when you aren’t even one. Your mother should have gotten rid of you when she had the chance.

Brynn wanted to cover her ears now the way she had then, but nothing quieted the harsh words and hateful tone, not even skiing. She wanted to forget what Sully had said, pretend nothing had changed, but his words echoed through her head, continuously playing, during races and when she tried to sleep.

“Still not over it.” She tried to limit the emotion she showed.

Her mother had begged Brynn to keep quiet, so she had. Brynn didn’t want to be the one to tear the family apart, but that left her stuck in limbo, unable to take action or move on or get the help she needed to handle this.

Brynn rubbed her arms. She had never felt so lonely.

Ry walked around the breakfast bar. He handed her a cookie. “This might help.”

She had to smile. Whatever she might have thought of Ry-Guy, today’s version was warm and strong and came bearing sweets at the perfect time. Her stomach hadn’t totally settled, but she took a bite.

Not bad.

He moved his jacket from the other stool and sat.

Brynn finished the cookie. “Thanks. Better than I expected.”

“I have another with your name on it.”

A speck of flour was on his shirtsleeve. She brushed it off. The right thing to do. Not because she wanted to touch him.

His breath hitched, and he blinked twice.

The microwave timer buzzed, breaking whatever spell had been between them. She removed the ice pack from her hip.

“Have you tried resolving things with your parents?” he asked.

A lump in her throat formed, burned.

Sully hadn’t ever wanted her. Growing up, he’d barely tolerated her. She saw that now. He also never wanted to see her again. Her mother claimed that had been emotion talking, but Brynn knew better.

Thank goodness she’d been racing in Europe over Christmas, or she would have been on her own. The way she would be when the season ended. Normally she would head home for a short break before training began again, but she was no longer welcome there.

Would Coach Frederick want to know he had a daughter? What if he found out about her and didn’t care? An adult daughter might not fit into his single lifestyle. Sully had rejected her. She didn’t want Coach to do the same thing.

Ry leaned toward her. “Brynn?”

“I haven’t.” She forced the response from her on-fire throat.

“Must be tearing you up inside.”

A familiar weight pressed against Brynn’s chest. She struggled to breathe.

The corners of her eyes stung. Not in front of Ry. Crying would be bad.

She nodded, not trusting her voice, before staring at the ceiling.

As he swiveled his stool in her direction, his leg bumped into hers. The slight contact comforted her, and she yearned for more. A touch or better yet, a hug. She’d felt so alone for the past three months even when she was surrounded by her teammates.

Brynn wanted to reach out to him, open up more, but she couldn’t. Not when doubts remained about him. She hadn’t exactly been nice to him, either, though she was doing better.

“The next week you were at Val d’Isère,” he said.

Another nod. Memories of the tour stop in France flooded her mind. She should have been living the high life competing at a World Cup event. Instead, she was trying to keep her family from imploding.

Ry’s gaze held hers. “You were in third place and missed a gate—”

“A random thought at the wrong time.” She hadn’t skied at the level she should. Not even close. “I was going to the European Cup, but I wanted to show the coaches I had the talent and speed for the A team. The first run went well. I was in the zone the entire time, but then during the next one…” Loser. You’ve never been one of us. Hearing Sully’s voice in her head had broken her concentration. “I lost focus. Came up on a turn too late. Missed the gate.”

“Same thing happened again.”

It wasn’t a question. She nodded and then took a breath. “Things fell completely apart during the NorAm races. Which I’m sure you know. And here I am. Pathetic and about to be dropped from the team.”

“Not pathetic. What’s stuck in your head is messing you up.”

“I’m supposed to ski, not think. But I can’t.” A familiar script from her childhood, one she thought she’d moved on from, played in her head. “I’m unfocused. Weak.”

“You’re strong. You’ve kept racing. Trying to overcome whatever happened with your parents.” His tender tone seeped into her, filling the empty places inside her with his compassion. He wiped the wetness from her cheek with his fingertips.

Oh, no. Every muscle tensed. She hadn’t realized she was crying.

Brynn turned her head.

He held her chin, so she couldn’t. “You just need to fix what’s going on in your head.”

“I’ve been trying. Nothing’s worked.”

“Sounds like you need to talk to your parents.”

Her heart pounded, each beat reverberating up her neck and centering in her head. A pressure built behind her forehead. She rubbed her temples, but that didn’t help.

Hold it together. Don’t say anymore.

“Brynn?” he asked.

“I can’t,” she croaked.

“It might be the only way for you to get over whatever was said.”

No, there had to be another way. There would be no mending bridges. Sully had burned theirs. Her mother, desperate to keep Brynn’s birth father’s identity a secret, remained committed to her husband, saying all Sully needed was time.

But it had been three months. Nothing would change.

What could Brynn do except stay quiet?

Going to Coach wouldn’t only mess up things for her family. Talking to him during the championships could turn into a disaster for the team—her friends. Coach might get distracted when he needed to be focused on skiers. Negative publicity would overshadow the races and results. Accusations of favoritism if she got a coach’s discretion to stay on the team could discredit Frederick’s stellar reputation.

Not worth the risk.

She wouldn’t put her needs ahead of her team’s. Or her family. “I’ll work harder to tune out the noise in my head.”

“Can you do that?” Ry asked.

“Probably” wasn’t the answer he wanted to hear. “I have no choice. Maybe after…”

The nominations were announced.

If she lost her spot, that would be on her. No one else, including Frederick, would be responsible. And if she were no longer on the team, would his being her birth father matter? She would never see him unless she made the team the next season.

Her muscles bunched tighter.

“Hey.” Ry touched her shoulder gently. “You don’t have to talk to your mom and dad today. But whatever went down has ruined your season and put your spot on the team in jeopardy. You need help to figure this out. More than I can give you. I know a sports psychologist—”

“No.”

“This is what they’re trained to do, Brynn. Dr. Dean worked wonders with me. He understands an athlete’s mentality. Drive. He was exactly what I needed. He can help you.”

Ry made his doctor sound like a wizard. He meant well, but… “My first race is in less than fifteen hours. Unless Dr. Dean uses magic or hypnosis and can see me via Skype, I need to wait.”

“You’ll talk to him after the championships then?”

The hope in Ry’s voice matched the glint in his eyes. Both tugged at her heart. Brynn didn’t want to involve another person in this, but Ry was right. Her family situation was interfering with her skiing and messing up her future with the team. She had to do something. “I’ll talk to him next week.”

“What are you going to do this week?”

She pictured her mother and her two youngest brothers. For some strange reason, Ry appeared in the image, too. “I don’t know. But there are cookies, and you’re here. That’s more than I had at my last competition.”

Brynn hoped that would be enough.

Ry turned off the tablet. His large hand covered hers.

Her heart bumped.

His skin was warm and rough. Not as smooth as she would have thought given his wealthy upbringing.

He rubbed his thumb against her skin with a gentle back-and-forth motion. “You need more than that.”

His presence comforted. His touch soothed. His words made her believe things might be okay. Funny and more than a little disturbing, given this was Ry-Guy, but she wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. “Have any ideas?”

“Well, my dad prides himself on being an idea guy,” Ry said. “He brainstorms a list of ten items, then crosses off the first five because he says they’re too obvious.”

“What if one of the first five is the best idea?” Brynn asked.

“I don’t know, but remember, this is coming from the guy who’s got an empty office next to his, so we can work closely together when I join the company. It’s been there since he moved into the corporate headquarters four years ago.”

His playful tone told Brynn that Ry cared about his dad, but he preferred skiing. She envied him having a father who wanted to spend time with him that much. “I’d love to work that close to my father.”

“I didn’t know you liked hockey so much.”

Oh, no. She’d said too much. Time to get back on topic.

She shrugged. “I’m not sure I can come up with a list of ten things.”

“Let’s come up with a few steps instead. What’s the most important thing you want to do tomorrow?”

“Win.”

“What do you have to do to win?”

She half laughed. “Finish the race. Both races.”

“Good.” Excitement gleamed. “What else?”

“Relax.”

“By…”

Brynn’s gaze traveled to his lips. Wrong answer. Not to mention a bad idea, but she had to say something. “Eating cookies.”

“Not what I would have thought of but…” He reached for another cookie. “Knock yourself out.”

At the start of the season, she’d been brave, able to say anything to anyone, but now she was afraid to speak—afraid she would say the wrong thing.

She bit into the cookie. She was happy the old Ry-Guy was no longer around, but she hoped the old Brynn wasn’t gone forever.

♥ ♥ ♥

At the team meeting the next morning, Ry listened to Wes’s weather report for the women’s super combined, consisting of one slalom and one downhill run—the same as the men’s yesterday. The current cloudy skies and snow flurries weren’t bad, but weather could affect visibility and the course later. That wouldn’t help Brynn, even with the list of steps they’d come up with last night. The weather could be a big problem. That worried him.

She needed to be totally focused. Each error, however small, and the skis setup—from the wax on the bottom and the bevel on the edge—could make the difference between a podium finish and placing in the middle of the standings.

Ry wasn’t competing, but he felt amped up, ready to race. A way he hadn’t felt in a long time. Not a problem. He’d be on the slopes soon.

The meeting finished, but he remained seated to let the women exit first since they were racing today.

Chas patted his shoulder. “Watching the ladies?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.”

“So, what’s the deal with you and Brynn?”

“No deal.” Ry didn’t want to give anyone the wrong impression. Sure, random thoughts about her that had nothing to do with skiing kept popping into his mind, but he chalked those up to proximity and her attractiveness. Not a problem. Helping her—spending time with her—was completely manageable. “I was asked to help, and I am.”

Chas laughed. “Gotta hand it to you, Ry-Guy. You’ve embraced adversity. Wouldn’t go down without a fight. And now you’ve found a way to stay on Coach’s good side without skiing.”

“I’m just doing my part for the team.” The less Ry said, the better. Today belonged to Brynn and the female members of the US Ski Team.

“Heading to the street party later?” Chas asked.

“Are you and Taylor going?”

“Yes, but Dwyer wants wingmen.”

Had Ry been as bad as Jon Dwyer when it came to women? Probably worse.

“I’ll have to see.” Ry wasn’t making plans. If Brynn needed an ear or a shoulder, he wanted to be available. He had no idea how today would go. He hoped she killed it, and they’d be celebrating tonight.

The room cleared.

Coach Frederick sidled up to the table.

Tolliver was beside him. “Brynn appears more relaxed this morning. Is she?”

“Not really,” Ry admitted. “But she opened up a little about the stuff going on.”

Tolliver smiled. “Good. We need the old Brynn back. I’ve got to go.”

The women’s coach left the room.

Frederick stayed. “What did Brynn say?”

“She’s having family problems. Something’s going on with her mom and dad, but she won’t say what.”

Ry hoped she would tell him more, but each word last night seemed to cause her pain. He hated seeing her hurting. After she’d left the condo, he’d ordered her a book from Cassandra’s Attic, an independent bookstore in San Francisco. He’d met the owner, Cassie McKnight, and her husband, Troy, this month at a wedding between one of her employees, Cara, and movie star Brody Simmons. The book—about using mistakes as steps toward success—wasn’t much, but he thought it might help Brynn.

“I haven’t met her parents,” Coach said. “Just her two brothers. Big, athletic guys.”

“Hockey players.” Ry touched his straight nose again. “I didn’t know one of her brothers is Jax Windham.”

“Who?”

“You don’t follow hockey.”

“No.”

“Plays in the NHL. Hockey is her family’s life. Her dad coaches and all five of her brothers are involved in the sport.”

Coach’s brows drew together. “Five older brothers?”

Ry nodded.

“I didn’t know that.” Coach glanced at his cell phone. “I’ve got to run.”

Distracted, Coach hurried out of the meeting room. Not surprising. His life revolved around the ski team, and he’d be at the bottom of the course as racers finished.

Ry wanted to emulate Coach by being one hundred percent committed to skiing. He had to be to reach his goals. But at the same time, Ry was torn. Something was missing. When he looked to the future, he didn’t want the rest of his life to consist of only one thing—working for Guyer Gear. He wanted…balance.

Was that even possible?

Not now. And possibly not later, given how many hours his dad worked.

Would Ry ever feel as if he had control of his life? He hadn’t since his crash and everything that followed. Instead, he clung to what he could manage—whom he let into his inner circle and working out.

As Ry rose from the table, he checked his cell phone. He could return to the condo before going to the racecourse.

“Ry.”

Brynn’s voice made him turn.

She stood in the doorway. Two braids hung out from the bottom of her beanie. Her warm-up pants were tucked into a pair of boots, and she wore a team jacket. The clothes hid her curves, but her face glowed.

Beautiful.

A ball of heat centered in his gut and then spread outward in the shape of a circle until the tendrils reached the top of his head and the tips of his fingers and toes. Her mouth drew his attention, especially the way the bottom lip had a slight pout to it, as if inviting him to take a taste.

Ry wanted to kiss Brynn. Distract her, so nothing about her family was on her mind today.

Yeah, right. That was the only reason he was thinking about kissing.

He nearly laughed.

Not his best idea if he wanted to show Brynn he’d changed, not reverted to old habits. Bad ones.

“Hey.” His voice sounded funny, so he cleared his throat. “The weather predictions were right.”

“Fun times ahead with sucky visibility.” She peered out the window. “But maybe the snow is what I need to keep my head in the race.”

No matter what the conditions, she wouldn’t blame her performance on anything other than herself. Ry respected Brynn. Besides ordering the book last night, he’d left a message for Dr. Dean in case she changed her mind and wanted to talk to him sooner.

Not butting in. Being proactive as his mom would say.

“Ready?” Ry asked.

Nodding, Brynn cut the distance between them, her steps purposeful. She stopped an arm’s length away. “No matter what happens today, I wanted to thank you. I appreciate your help. I needed it, more than I realized.”

Her gratitude made him stand taller. A strange urge compelled him to wrap his arms around her. A hug would be better than kissing her, right?

Not touching her would be safer. “Anytime.”

And he meant it. Something about Brynn Windham roused his protective instincts.

“Good.” She half laughed. “Because I have three more events after today.”

He didn’t want to overwhelm her with advice. She had coaches to tell her what to do. “Stay focused.”

“And go fast.” She inhaled deeply. “I can do this.”

“Yes, you can.” He pressed his arms against his sides to keep from reaching out to her. The urge to touch her remained strong. He had no idea why, but whatever the cause, he was losing the battle.

A retreat wasn’t possible, so Ry gave in. He brushed his lips across her cheek. “For luck. Not that you need it.”

She laughed. “I’ll take all the luck I can get. Thanks.”

“See you afterward?”

“I’d like that very much.”

So would he. In fact, he couldn’t wait.

A prickle of unease slithered along his spine, but he ignored it. No reason to worry. He was here to help Brynn and the team. Nothing else.