Chapter 25

Previously on twenty four Alyssa was quiet for a while before she lifted her head and looked at me directly in the eyes the asked me a question I always wanted to hear before I discovered I had tumor.

"Is this about the fact that I never saw you as anything more than a friend, your letter made that clear. I am the person the character in the letter was talking about right? “She asks looking at me straight in the eyes, my heart leaped out of my chest...

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Micah POV

My heart leaped out of my chest as blood rushed into my ears as all I could hear was a piercing whistle like sound. No, this is not the time for her to figure it out, she is not supposed to know, and I cannot drag her down to my world of hospitals and sickness. She is better off without me. I said to myself, I try to convince myself but my heart refused to listen as usual but no matter how much I would love that, I would love to be with her even for just one day, I would not do that to her, if I don't survive, she has to deal with the loss of a best friend and a lover. I refuse to hurt her, even if I have to hurt myself in place of her, I will do it. I have always done it to protect her so this one will only be like the rest.

It is a good thing that I learnt how to control my facial expressions a while ago, Al is not aware of these things that passed through my head or the fact that my ears were ringing so bad that I could not hear anything.

Now it is time for an Oscar performance. “You think the love letter is about you?" I asked in a tone of disbelief before I burst into laughter and laughed my heart out. Right now, I am completely laughing to hide to pain but she doesn't know it.

Fake it until you make it. That is my motto when it comes to these kind of situations, making people believe the opposite of what is true, what everybody know it is true. I never thought I will have to do this to my best friend but I have to, I have to protect her. Even if it is to hurt her right this moment.

“Yes, I don't think. I know it is about me. You might try to say otherwise but your statement and ranting before I said I knew about the love letter makes it blatantly clear. You love me but don't worry... “Al said with a smile growing on her face. I have to stop her before she let me know that she loves me too, it is not possible but if it is and I hear her say something like that, I won't stop her anymore. I won't care about the future. Right now I am already having troubles to remember why I don't want her to be with me.

“Whoa, hold on. You are on crack? I asked. “I do not love you Alyssa, you are my best friend”

“You don't have to pretend anymore. Yes, I am your best friend but that doesn't mean that we can't be something more. “Al said with a smile. The thought of being in love with me put those lights in her eyes. I want them to remain there. I always wanted to be the one responsible for that special smile she gives to people who has her heart. I have seen it a countless number of times, directed to her past boyfriends, never to me. I was just the best friend. I have the chance to be something more right now but I can't be because I love her enough to put her first.

“Alyssa, are you sure you are okay? We don't fall in love with each other. It can never happen, we are too close to each other, and what made you think that I love you?" Even though it is true, I added silently.

"Because for you to love a girl, you have to be extremely close to her, if you are close to her that means I would know her.” Al said as she raised her eyebrows and dared me to contradict her statement. She is right through but that does not mean that I will let her know it.

“Why do I have to be close to her?” I asked with my own eyebrows raised as I tried to contradict her words.

“Because you barely like anybody, if you don't know that person for a long time, you can't be friends with that person, for you to fall for somebody, that means that you are extremely close to that person. “She explained.

Well I can't deny that fact. She is right. It looks like I am not the only one who studied my best friend very well, she studied me in return.

“So based in that assumption you have to know the person?" I asked.

“Well, yes. I do.” She replies "The only way I won't know the person is if the person is me.”

“The person isn't you.” I said with a sigh. Did I mention I hate fibbing or white lying or whatever fancy words they use to replace lie these days?

“Why, why can't it be me? What did I do wrong? Why can't I be enough for you? You know it but you just can't admit it. What is holding you back? “She screams at me.

“Nothing” I yells the same time my mind screamed, "Everything."

“Don’t you get it? You are just a friend. I can't fall for you, it is just too tacky for my liking. “I said as I turned and left her there as my heart broke into pieces and I left the pieces with her as I walked away. I might have broken her heart, but I surely broke mine. She will survive, she has tons of boys to help her patch it up. I have no one. I am pretty sure I just lost my best friend too. There is nothing I can do about that.