Chapter 71 THE DEADLINE
Elias
They called everyone the next morning. Parents. Friends. Wedding guests.
“We’re postponing,” Elias said over and over. “Not canceling. Just postponing.”
“Why?” his mother asked.
“Because we need time. To figure some things out.”
“What things?”
“Career things, life things, it’s complicated.”
Katie was more direct. “Are you breaking up?”
“No. Maybe. I don’t know.”
“That’s not reassuring.”
“I know. But it’s honest.”
The wedding venue was understanding. Deposits were lost but the date was released. Caterers cancelled. Flowers cancelled. Everything they’d planned for months was dismantled in a day.
“This feels wrong,” Alex said, crossing another thing off the list.
“Postponing or calling people?”
“Both. All of it.”
By evening, everyone knew. The wedding was off. Or postponed. Or whatever they were calling it.
Social media exploded. Again.
They’re breaking up. Called it.
Postponing isn’t canceling. They’re probably fine.
This is what happens when you build a relationship on trauma.
Leave them alone. They’re figuring it out.
Alex closed the app. “I hate this. Everyone has opinions.”
“Then stop reading.”
“I can’t. It’s like watching a car crash. I know it’s bad but I can’t look away.”
Elias had two weeks to decide about the program. Two weeks to accept or decline. Two weeks that felt like forever and no time at all.
“What are you leaning toward?” Alex asked on day three.
“I don’t know. Both. Neither. It changes every hour.”
“That’s not helpful.”
“I know. But it’s true.”
They tried to be normal, went to work, went to classes. Came home to their apartment. Cooked dinner. Watched TV.
But everything felt wrong. Off. Like playing house while the foundation crumbled.
“Are we okay?” Elias asked on day five.
“I don’t know. Are we?”
“I want to be.”
“Wanting isn’t the same as being.”
“I know.”
On day seven, James called. “Mom told me about the wedding. What’s going on?”
“I got into a PhD program. In New York. Didn’t tell Alex. Now everything’s a mess.”
“Are you taking it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to?”
“Part of me does. The part that’s always wanted a PhD. That dreamed about this since undergrad.”
“And the other part?”
“Wants to stay. Marry Alex. Build the life we planned.”
“Those aren’t mutually exclusive.”
“Aren’t they? He’s here. The program’s there. One of us has to sacrifice.”
“Or you both compromise. He comes with you. Or you do long distance. Or you defer a year. Figure it out together instead of treating it like a zero-sum game.”
“He won’t come. His dissertation. His life. It’s all here.”
“Have you asked him?”
“I’ve implied it.”
“That’s not the same as asking. Actually asking. Giving him the choice.”
After they hung up, Elias found Alex in their bedroom. Packing, or unpacking. He couldn’t tell which.
“Can we talk?” Elias asked.
“About what?”
“About options. Real options. Not just the ones we’ve been assuming.”
“Okay.”
“What if you came with me? To New York?”
“We’ve been over this. My dissertation. My program. I can’t just leave.”
“What if you could? What if we looked into it? Transfer options? Remote work with your advisor? Something?”
“That’s not how dissertations work.”
“But it could be. If we tried. If we actually explored it instead of just saying no.”
Alex set down the shirt he was folding. “You really want me to come?”
“Yes. Of course. I don’t want to go without you.”
“But you want to go.”
“I want the program. And I want you. I don’t know why those have to be in conflict.”
“Because they are. Geography exists. Logistics exist. I can’t just abandon my work because you got into a program.”
“I’m not asking you to abandon anything. I’m asking you to consider options.”
“I have considered them. They don’t work.”
“Have you? Really? Or have you just decided they won’t and given up?”
Alex’s jaw tightened. “Don’t make this my fault. You’re the one who applied without telling me.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. But we can’t change that now. We can only figure out what to do next.”
“What I need to do next is finish my dissertation. Here. With my advisor. That’s non-negotiable.”
“Okay. Then I stay. I decline the program. We get married. We pretend this never happened.”
“And you resent me forever.”
“I won’t.”
“Yes, you will. Maybe not now. But in five years. Ten years. When you see classmates with PhDs and you’re still at the magazine. You’ll wonder what if. And you’ll blame me.”
“I won’t. Because I’ll have you. That’s enough.”
“Is it? Because three years ago you gave up a different program to stay. And now you’re trying to leave. So clearly staying wasn’t enough.”
Elias sat on the bed. Defeated. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I want you to want me more than the program. I want you to choose me without hesitation. Without having to think about it.”
“That’s not fair. Career choices aren’t that simple.”
“Love should be.”
“Love is never simple. We of all people should know that.”
They sat in tired silence. Both exhausted. Both out of answers.
On day ten, the program director emailed. Asking for a decision. The deadline was day fourteen.
“Four more days,” Elias said, staring at the email.
“What are you going to do?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“Do you want me to decide for you? Make it easier?”
“No. But I want you to tell me it’s okay. Whatever I choose. That we’ll figure it out.”
“I can’t do that. Because I don’t know if we will figure it out. I don’t know if love is enough when we want different things.”
“So what do we do?”
“I don’t know. Wait for you to decide. See what happens.”
On day twelve, Elias woke up with clarity. For the first time in weeks, he knew what he wanted.
He wanted Alex. The life they’d built. The future they’d planned.
The PhD could wait. Could happen later. Could be pursued somewhere local.
But Alex, this relationship, this love.
That was now. That was everything.
He rolled over to tell him. To say he was declining. Staying. Choosing them.
But Alex wasn’t there.
The bed was cold. Empty.
A note on the pillow.
Went to campus early. Need to think. Love you. - A
Elias got up, made coffee, decided to tell Alex tonight over dinner to make it special.
But at noon, his phone rang. Unknown number.
“Hello?”
“Elias Reed?” A woman’s voice. Official.
“Yes?”
“This is County General Hospital. Alex Lee was brought in this morning. You’re listed as his emergency contact. You need to come right away.”
Elias’s world stopped. “What happened?”
“Car accident. He’s in surgery now. That’s all I can tell you over the phone.”
Elias grabbed his keys. Ran to his car.
The hospital was twenty minutes away.
Twenty minutes of not knowing. Of worst-case scenarios running through his head.
Of realizing none of the other stuff mattered.
Not the program, not the wedding, not the fighting.
Only Alex mattered.
And if he lost him, nothing else would ever matter again.