Chapter 69 THE FINAL CALL
Alex
Alex’s grip tightened on the phone. “How did you get this number?”
“That doesn’t matter. What matters is I need to tell you something before you make a mistake.”
“The only mistake would be listening to you. We’re done, Carter. Move on.”
“Wait. Please. This isn’t about us. It’s about Elias. About something he’s been hiding from you.”
Alex’s stomach dropped. “What are you talking about?”
“He applied to a program. In New York. PhD program. Got accepted. Full funding. He’s planning to leave after your wedding.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not. Check his email. Or ask him. But he’s been keeping it from you for months.”
“Why would you tell me this?”
“Because I don’t want you to get hurt. I know I have no right to care. But I do. And he’s going to blindside you if you don’t confront him first.”
Alex hung up. His hands are shaking. His mind is racing.
Elias wouldn’t do that. Wouldn’t apply to programs without telling him. Wouldn’t plan to leave.
Would he?
Alex found Elias in their bedroom. Packing for the wedding next week. Humming to himself.
“Can I ask you something?” Alex said.
“Of course.”
“Did you apply to any PhD programs?”
Elias went still. “What?”
“PhD programs. Did you apply to any?”
“Why are you asking?”
“Just answer the question.”
Elias set down the shirt he was folding. “Yes. I applied to one. In New York.”
Alex’s chest went hollow. “When?”
“January. Right after New Year’s.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I was going to. I just. It was a long shot. I didn’t think I’d get in.”
“But you did get in.”
Elias’s silence was answer enough.
“When were you planning to tell me?” Alex asked. “Before or after the wedding?”
“I was going to tell you this week. I swear. I just didn’t know how.”
“How about ‘Hey Alex, I applied to a program across the country without telling you’? That would have been a good start.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it like? Because from here it looks like you’re planning to leave and didn’t have the guts to say it.”
“I’m not planning to leave. I haven’t decided if I’m going.”
“But you applied. Got accepted. And kept it secret for months.”
Elias ran his hands through his hair. “I know how it looks. But I was scared. Scared you’d think I was abandoning you. Scared you’d ask me not to go.”
“So you just lied instead?”
“I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“It’s not. Alex, please. Let me explain.”
“Explain what? That you applied without telling me? That you got accepted and still said nothing? That I had to hear it from Carter of all people?”
“Carter told you?”
“Yes. Called me ten minutes ago. Said you were hiding it. That you were planning to leave after the wedding.”
“I’m not. I don’t know what I’m doing. That’s why I didn’t say anything.”
“So you were just going to keep this secret forever? Hope I never found out?”
“No. I was going to tell you. I just needed time to figure out what I wanted.”
“And what do you want?”
Elias was quiet. Too quiet.
“Oh my god,” Alex said. “You want to go.”
“I don’t know what I want. That’s the problem.”
“No. The problem is you applied to leave our life without even discussing it with me first.”
“It was just an application. Just keeping options open.”
“Options to what? Abandon me? Abandon us? Two weeks before our wedding?”
“I’m not abandoning anyone. PhD programs have been my dream since undergrad. This is a top program. Full funding. It’s an opportunity.”
“And what am I? A burden? Something holding you back?”
“No. You’re the best thing in my life. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have dreams too.”
“Dreams you kept secret.”
“Because I knew you’d react like this. Make it about us instead of about my career.”
“It is about us. We’re getting married. We’re supposed to make decisions together.”
“I know. And I’m sorry. I should have told you when I applied. But I didn’t think I’d get in. And then when I did, I didn’t know how to say it without hurting you.”
“So you just said nothing. Let Carter tell me instead.”
“I didn’t ask Carter to call you. I don’t know how he even found out.”
“He said to check your email. That the acceptance is there.”
Elias pulled out his phone. Opened his email. Scrolled. His face went pale.
“What?” Alex asked.
“The acceptance email. It’s been forwarded. To Carter’s old email. From my account.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means someone hacked my email. Forwarded it to him. Set this whole thing up.”
“Or you’re lying. Making excuses.”
“I’m not lying. Look.” Elias showed him the sent folder. The forwarded email. Dated three days ago. “I didn’t send this.”
Alex stared at the screen. “Carter’s still messing with us.”
“Looks like it. One last attempt to destroy us before the wedding.”
“Is it working?”
Elias looked at him. “Is it? Do you believe me?”
“I don’t know. You did apply without telling me. That part’s real.”
“It is. And I’m sorry. I should have told you. Should have discussed it before applying.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because I was scared. Of you saying no. Of having to choose between you and my dreams.”
“So you just didn’t tell me. Made the choice alone.”
“I didn’t make any choice. I haven’t accepted. Haven’t declined. I’ve just been paralyzed. Trying to figure out what to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s not good enough. We’re getting married in two weeks. I need to know if you’re planning to leave.”
“I’m not. But Alex, what if I want to go? What if this is my only chance at a PhD?”
“Then you go. But you don’t marry me first. You don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I can keep them. New York isn’t that far. You could come with me. Finish your dissertation there.”
“Transfer programs? Leave my advisor? My research? Just uproot my entire life because you applied to something without telling me?”
“When you say it like that, it sounds terrible.”
“It is terrible. You’re asking me to give up everything while you pursue your dreams.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
“Then what are you asking?”
“I’m asking if you love me enough to figure this out. To find a solution that works for both of us.”
“I do love you. That’s not the question. The question is do you love me enough to stay?”
Elias was quiet.
And in that silence, Alex had his answer.
“You want to go,” Alex said. “You want the program more than you want me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? Because if you wanted me more, you’d decline. No question. No hesitation.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Yes, it is. Love is simple. Choosing me should be simple. The fact that it’s not tells me everything I need to know.”
“Alex, please. Don’t do this.”
“Do what? Realize you’re not as committed as I thought? Realize I’m not enough to make you stay?”
“You are enough. But why do I have to choose? Why can’t I have both?”
“Because that’s not how life works. Some things require sacrifice. And apparently, I’m the sacrifice you’re not willing to make.”
Alex grabbed his jacket. His keys.
“Where are you going?” Elias asked.
“I don’t know. Anywhere but here.”
“Don’t leave. Not like this. Let’s talk about this.”
“We are talking. And you’re not saying what I need to hear.”
“What do you need to hear?”
“That you choose me. That you’re declining the program. That two weeks before our wedding, I’m not even a question.”
Elias’s jaw tightened. “And if I can’t say that? If I need more time to decide?”
“Then maybe we shouldn’t get married.”
The words hung in the air. Heavy.
“You don’t mean that,” Elias said.
“Don’t I? Because I’m not marrying someone who’s already planning their exit.”
“I’m not planning an exit.”
“You applied to leave, Elias. That’s an exit. Whether you want to admit it or not.”
Alex walked to the door. Elias followed.
“Please don’t go. Not tonight. Let’s sleep on this. Talk in the morning.”
“I can’t. If I stay, I’m going to say things I can’t take back.”
“Then say them. Get angry. Yell. Whatever you need. Just don’t leave.”
“I have to. For both of us.”
Alex left. Got in his car. Drove to Des’s apartment.
Des took one look at him. “What happened?”
“Elias applied to a PhD program. In New York. Got accepted. Didn’t tell me. Found out from Carter.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. Cancel the wedding? Call it off? Run away?”
“Or you could talk to him. Really talk. Figure out what you both want.”
“I know what I want. I want him here. With me. Choosing me.”
“And what does he want?”
“I don’t know. That’s the problem.”
Alex’s phone buzzed. Elias.
Elias: I’m declining the program. Right now. You’re more important.
Elias: Please come home. Let’s fix this.
Alex stared at the message.
This was what he wanted. Elias chose him. Staying.
So why did it feel wrong?