Chapter 39 OLD WOUNDS
Alex
Alex stared at the message. His stomach turned to ice.
Carter. The ex who’d said Elias was exhausting to love. The one who’d left and apparently still had Elias’s number.
“Delete it,” Alex said.
“What?”
“Delete it. Don’t respond. There’s nothing to talk about.”
Elias was staring at his phone as it might explode. “He’s never texted me before. Not since we broke up.”
“And? That doesn’t mean you owe him a response.”
“I know. But what if something’s wrong? What if he needs help?”
“Then he can call literally anyone else.” Alex’s hands were shaking. “Elias. He hurt you. He doesn’t get to just text out of nowhere and demand your attention.”
“He’s not demanding. He’s asking to talk.”
“About what? About ‘us’? There is no us. Not anymore.”
Elias set down his phone. Looked at Alex properly. “You’re really upset.”
“Of course I’m upset. Your ex is texting you the night before your graduation asking to talk. That’s not normal.”
“I’m not going to respond.”
“But you want to.”
“I don’t want to. I’m just confused. Why now?”
“Because he heard you’re graduating. He probably heard you have a job. He wants back in.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. That’s how exes work. They leave when things are hard and come back when you’ve got your life together.”
Elias was quiet. His jaw is working. His phone still lit up between them.
“I’m not interested in him,” Elias said finally.
“I know. But you’re still thinking about responding.”
“Only because it’s weird that he texted. That’s all.”
“Then block his number.”
“Alex.”
“What? If you’re not going to respond, block him. That way you won’t be tempted.”
“I’m not tempted.”
“Then prove it. Block him.”
They stared at each other. The apartment felt smaller. Colder. All the warmth from dinner with his family had evaporated.
Elias picked up his phone. Stared at the message. His thumb hovered over the screen.
Then he set it down again.
“I need to think about it,” he said.
Alex’s chest cracked open. “You need to think about blocking your ex who broke your heart?”
“I need to think about what responding would mean. If I should at least see what he wants.”
“I already told you what he wants.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. And the fact that you’re even considering this tells me you’re not over him.”
“I am over him.”
“Are you? Because you look pretty conflicted right now.”
Elias’s face went hard. “Don’t do this. Don’t make this into something it’s not.”
“What is it then? Explain it to me. Because from where I’m sitting, it looks like your ex texted and you’re already pulling away from me.”
“I’m not pulling away.”
“You won’t delete the message. You won’t block him. That feels like pulling away.”
“I just need time to process. That’s all.”
“Time to process what? Whether you make a mistake choosing me over grad school? Is Carter right about you?”
“That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?” Alex stood up. His whole body was shaking. “You’ve been stressed about the job hunt. About staying. About us. Now Carter texts and suddenly you need to think about it?”
“I’m allowed to be surprised. He hasn’t contacted me in over a year.”
“And there’s a reason for that. He’s your ex. He left. He doesn’t get to come back just because he feels like it.”
Elias stood too. “I know that. But I can’t just pretend he doesn’t exist.”
“Why not? I do. Every day. I pretend all those people who stare at us don’t exist. I pretend the comments about you dating an undergrad don’t bother me. I pretend I’m not terrified you’re going to wake up one day and regret everything.”
“I’m not going to regret you.”
“Then delete the message.”
“Why is this so important to you?”
“Because he hurt you. And I love you. And I don’t want him anywhere near you.”
The words hung in the air. Raw and honest and desperate.
Elias’s expression softened. “Alex. Come here.”
“No.”
“Please.”
“I can’t. If I come over there, I’m going to cry. And I don’t want to cry about your ex the night before your graduation.”
“Then let me come to you.”
Elias crossed the room. Pulled Alex into his arms even though Alex tried to resist. Held him tight until Alex stopped fighting.
“I’m not going to respond,” Elias said into his hair. “I was just surprised. That’s all. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“It means he still has power over you.”
“He doesn’t.”
“Then why are we fighting about this?”
“Because you’re scared. And when you’re scared, you push.”
Alex pulled back. “I’m not pushing.”
“You are. You’re waiting for me to mess up. To prove that you were right to be afraid.”
“That’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? Since we got together, you’ve been waiting for the other shoe to drop. For me to leave. For this to end.”
“Because it always ends. Everything ends.”
“Not this. Not us.”
“You can’t promise that.”
“I can. I am promising it. I love you. Carter texting doesn’t change that.”
Alex wanted to believe him. Wanted to let go of the fear sitting in his chest like a stone.
But the message was still there. Still undeleted. Still between them.
“I should go,” Alex said.
“Don’t. Stay. Please.”
“I can’t. I need space.”
“You’re doing it again. Pulling away when things get hard.”
“I’m not pulling away. I’m protecting myself.”
“From what?”
“From getting hurt when you realize he’s the one you actually want.”
Elias’s face went pale. “You really think that?”
“I don’t know what to think. You won’t delete his message. That tells me something.”
“It tells you I’m processing. Nothing more.”
“Fine. Process. I’ll be at my dorm.”
Alex grabbed his jacket. Headed for the door. Elias followed.
“Don’t leave like this,” Elias said. “Not tonight.”
“I have to. If I stay, we’ll just keep fighting.”
“Then let’s stop fighting. Let’s go to bed. Talk about this tomorrow when we’re both calmer.”
“I can’t sleep next to you knowing his message is on your phone.”
“Then I’ll delete it. Right now. Watch.”
Elias pulled out his phone. Opened the message. His thumb hovered over delete.
But he didn’t press it.
“You can’t do it,” Alex said. His voice was flat. Empty.
“I can. I just…”
“Just what?”
“I need to know what he wants. What if it’s important?”
“More important than us?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s what you meant.”
Alex opened the door. Elias grabbed his arm.
“Please don’t go. We can work through this.”
“We can work through it tomorrow. After you’ve figured out what you want.”
“I want you.”
“Then prove it. Delete the message. Block him. Choose me.”
Elias’s hand dropped. He looked torn. Conflicted. Everything Alex had been afraid of.
“I’ll see you at graduation,” Alex said.
Then he left. Walked down the stairs. Out into the cold night. His vision blurred. His chest felt like it was caving in.
His phone buzzed before he made it to his car.
Elias: I’m sorry. Please come back.
Elias: I deleted it. The message is gone.
Elias: Alex please
Alex stared at the texts. Wanted to believe them. Wanted to turn around and go back.
But trust was fragile. And once cracked, it was hard to fix.
He got in his car. Drove back to campus. His phone kept buzzing. More texts from Elias. More apologies.
At his dorm, Des was still awake.
“What happened?” Des asked immediately.
“His ex texted.”
“Oh shit. What did Elias say?”
“That he needed time to think about responding.”
“Did he respond?”
“No. But he didn’t delete it either. Not until I left.”
“Okay. That’s not great. But he did delete it.”
“Only after I walked out.”
Des pulled him into a hug. “You’re spiraling.”
“I know.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really. I just want to sleep.”
But sleep didn’t come. Alex lay in bed staring at his phone. Reading Elias’s texts over and over.
Elias: I blocked his number. It’s done. He’s gone.
Elias: I love you. Only you. Please believe that.
Elias: I’m sorry I hesitated. I was just surprised. It didn’t mean anything.
Elias: Please talk to me.
At 2 AM, Alex finally responded.
Alex: I believe you. I’m just scared.
Elias: I know. I’m sorry. Can I see you tomorrow?
Alex: After graduation. We’ll talk then.
Elias: Okay. I love you.
Alex: I love you too.
Alex set down his phone. Closed his eyes.
Tomorrow was graduation. Elias’s big day. Alex would be there. Would smile and cheer and pretend everything was fine.
But the crack was still there.
And he didn’t know if love was enough to fix it.