Chapter 20 THE MOMENT
Alex
Alex saw Elias and his legs stopped working.
Right there. Twenty feet away. Grey jacket. Neruda in his hands. Looking around with hope and fear written all over his face.
Real. So real it hurt.
Alex’s chest seized up. His breath came fast and shallow. The crowd pressed in from all sides. Too many people. Too much noise. Too much of everything.
Des’s hand on his shoulder. “You can do this.”
“I can’t.”
“You’re already here. That’s the hard part.”
But it wasn’t. The hard part was the next twenty feet. The hard part was closing the distance between watching and being seen.
Elias looked up.
Their eyes met across the quad.
Recognition flashed across Elias’s face. The boy from the bookstore. The library. The café. Pieces clicking into place.
Then someone bumped into Alex. Hard. He stumbled. Lost eye contact.
Panic hit like ice water.
“I have to go,” Alex said.
“Alex, no.”
But Alex was already moving. Backward. Away. Into the crowd where he could disappear. Where he didn’t have to face Elias’s eyes seeing him.
“Alex!” Des’s voice behind him. Farther. Fainter.
Alex pushed through people. Around the rose arch. Past the stage. His vision tunneled. His heart hammered so hard it hurt.
He made it to the library. Through the doors. Up the stairs. Third floor. Their spot by the window.
Collapsed into the chair and pressed his hands against his eyes.
He’d run. Again. Elias had been right there, waiting, and Alex had run.
His phone buzzed. Des.
Des: Where are you
Alex: Library
Des: Alex what the hell? He SAW you. He knew it was you.
Alex: I know
Des: So why did you leave???
Alex’s hands were shaking too badly to type. He put the phone down. Stared out the window at the quad below.
He could see the rose arch from here. See Elias still standing there. Alone. Looking around like maybe Alex would come back.
But Alex couldn’t move. His body had locked up. Fear had won.
His phone buzzed again. Sana this time.
Sana: Des told me. Are you okay?
Alex: No
Sana: Do you want me to come get you?
Alex: I want to disappear
He watched Elias wait. Five minutes. Ten. Fifteen.
Watched hope fade from his posture. Watched his shoulders drop. Watched him check his phone. Look around one more time.
Then Elias walked away.
Alex’s chest cracked open.
He’d done this. He’d made Elias wait and hope and then crushed it by running. By being exactly as disappointing as he’d feared.
His phone rang. Des.
“Don’t hang up,” Des said immediately.
“I can’t talk right now.”
“Then listen. You made a mistake. You got scared and ran. That’s human. But Alex he knows who you are now. He saw you. You can fix this.”
“How?”
“Go to him. Right now. Find him and explain.”
“He probably hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you. He’s probably just as scared as you are.”
Alex looked out the window again. The quad was still crowded. Couples everywhere. Happy endings are happening all around.
His ending was him alone in a library, watching from a distance like always.
“I have to go,” Alex said.
“Alex.”
He hung up. Put his phone on silent. Pressed his forehead against the cold window glass.
Outside, snow started falling. Soft and quiet. Covering the quad in white. Making everything look clean and new.
But Alex felt destroyed.
He sat there for an hour. Maybe more. The quad emptied as the event ended. The rose arch stood empty. The stage got taken down.
His phone screen lit up with messages he didn’t read.
When the library announced closing in thirty minutes, Alex finally stood. His legs were stiff. His face felt numb.
He walked downstairs. Out into the snow. The quad was quiet now. Just footprints and fallen petals and the ghost of what could have been.
Alex walked to the rose arch. Stood where Elias had stood. Looked at the same view Elias had seen while waiting.
There were abandoned roses everywhere. Discarded hearts. Evidence of other people’s courage.
Alex knelt. Picked up a single red rose someone had dropped. The petals were soft. Fragile.
Like him.
His phone buzzed. A new number.
Unknown: This is Elias. I got your number from the Valentine’s program database. I hope that’s okay.
Alex’s hands started shaking.
Unknown: I saw you today. At the arch. I know it was you.
Unknown: I waited. I thought maybe you’d come back.
Unknown: But I understand if you couldn’t. I know you said you were scared.
Three dots appeared. Disappeared. Appeared again.
Unknown: Can we talk? Please?
Alex stared at the messages. Elias knew. Elias had his number. Elias wanted to talk.
His fingers hovered over the keyboard.
What could he possibly say? Sorry I ran. Sorry, I’m a coward. Sorry, I’m not brave enough to be the person you’ve been falling for.
He typed and deleted five different responses.
Finally settled on one.
Alex: I’m sorry
The response came immediately.
Elias: Don’t be sorry. Just tell me where you are.
Alex looked around. Empty quad. Falling snow. The rose arch stands silent.
Alex: The quad. By the rose arch.
Elias: Stay there. I’m coming.
Alex’s heart stopped. Then started racing. Elias was coming. Right now. No time to run. No time to hide.
No time to be anything except exactly who he was.
He stood there in the snow, rose still clutched in his hand, and waited.
Footsteps behind him.
Alex turned.
Elias stood there, grey jacket dusted with snow, Neruda tucked under his arm. His eyes were red. Like maybe he’d been crying too.
They stared at each other. Twenty feet apart. Then ten. Then five.
Elias stopped right in front of him.
“Hi,” Elias said. His voice was exactly like Alex remembered. Soft. Careful.
“Hi,” Alex whispered back.
“You came back.”
“You texted me.”
“I’ve been looking for you for two hours.”
Alex’s throat felt tight. “I’m sorry I ran.”
“I know.” Elias stepped closer. “Can I ask you something?”
Alex nodded.
“Was it really you? All the letters? The watching? All of it?”
“Yes.”
Elias’s eyes searched his face. Looking for something. Maybe finding it.
“Then can I ask you something else?”
“Okay.”
Elias held out his hand.
“Can we start over?“