Chapter 95

Amelia's POV

Jill recommended that Faithlyn and I leave to show Derek how life would be without us. I know that Derek is going to feel terrible for all that he has done, so I decided to go back to Alaska to my parent's house. It's shocking that I'm going to be staying there a week, but being around my mother, I just hope that we don't kill each other.

Once the plane lands, my father is going to be there to pick Faithlyn and I up. I'm hoping that Faithlyn adjusts well. She loves her daddy, and I know she will miss him. I want to miss him, but I'm happy to get away from him for a week. I never thought I could fear him, but he proved me wrong. I don't know what he would have done to me if Jill wasn't there.

I watch Faithlyn as she sleeps on the airplane. She is growing so fast. I can't sleep on the airplane just in case Faithlyn wakes up. I have to be here for her, and if I fall asleep I might not hear her. I'm having trouble trusting anyone after all that has happened, and I'm not chancing her safety by my needing sleep. I'll wait until when I get back to my father's house, I will allow myself to get some rest then.

My phone rings, and I see that it is Derek calling me. I don't answer. I don't want to talk to him right now. I'm not ready to forgive him. I know that he is going to worry about what is going to happen with Faithlyn and If we are coming home or if we are staying in Alaska. I just hope that he just gives me the space I need right now to get my head straight.

As the airplane is landing, I become nervous. I hate the take-off and the landing part freaks me out. I try to be as calm as I can be until we are safely landed. When we finally depart from the airplane, I gather all of our things. Then I pick up Faithlyn and we head outside the airplane. A smile comes to my face as soon as I see my father. Then, to my surprise, my mother has come with him which is very odd.

My hands are so full that my dad comes up to me and days, “Here honey, let me help you carry some of your things.”

I look at my mother and say, “It's nice to see you mom. Thanks for coming with dad to pick us up and allowing us to stay for a bit.”

I want to be nice to her, and I am so sick of fighting with her that I just want to be civil.

“I'm so sorry Amelia for acting the way I have. I know I haven't made it easy for you, but I want to do better.”

I'm in shock. What the hell has happened to my mother? I am so surprised by her words that I responded, “Mom, I don't want to fight, so it would be nice if we could get along with each other.”

For once, I can't tell if she is putting on a show in front of my father. Is this why she's being so friendly? For once, it seems that her eyes look sincere. I think she's telling the truth. I love her, but she has treated me so badly. I don't know why, but at some point everyone has treated me with some kind of disrespect. I don't understand why people think that it is okay to treat me this way. I will not stand for it any longer. I promised myself that enough is enough.

As I am loading Faithlyn into the car seat, my father is putting our things in the trunk. I get in the back seat, and I'm ready to go. I tell my parents, “Thank you for letting us come and stay with you guys for a while.”

“I'm happy you called bear. It will be nice for us all to spend some time together.”

As we are driving back to the house, I feel something that I haven't felt in months. I am relaxed. I'm not worried and I'm not walking on eggshells. I'm starting to worry about if I'm going to do or say something wrong to upset anyone now that I can finally be myself and not hide it. I try hard not to fall asleep. It's not that long of a ride, so I try to stay awake. I can't wait to get to my bed and crawl under the covers to get some much needed rest.

When I see that we are pulling up to the driveway, I'm happy, but I'm starting to feel so tired from needing sleep. I go and get Faithlyn out of the car, my dad grabs are things, and we walk into the house. I'm thankful that it is warm inside because it freaking freezing outside.

I look to see Faithlyn wide awake smiling at me with those big beautiful eyes. I wonder how I got so lucky having her as my daughter. I am so blessed that it is for sure through all the crazy shit that has happened I got the greatest gift. I'm so glad that I get to be her mommy. I get her out of the car seat, lay her on the floor, and give her some toys to play with so that she is content.

“Bear, you look exhausted. I can look after Faith for a bit if you would like to get some rest.”

“Yes, I really need some rest. I am so tired I can barely keep my eyes open. Daddy, are you sure that you don't mind?”

“Of course I'm sure! I will be able to spend some quality time with her, and I have missed he so much.”

I take my dad up on his offer and head upstairs for some much needed rest. When I open my bedroom door I'm shocked that everything is exactly how I left it. I really thought my mother would have turned my room into something for herself as soon as I had left. My mother never really showed me that she cared very often, but I'm starting to wonder if she might have just a little bit any way. I change into more comfy clothes and lie on my bed.

I think about everything that has happened, and I start to wonder if I maybe deserved all that Derek has done to me. I had deceived him the entire time that we had been together and never told him my plan. He has a right to be angry with me, and I should have told him. I still sometimes wonder how am I so different from all of the other girls that he has been with? Why did he choose me? I was never interested in anything that Derek could give me, but I just wanted him.

My body is so exhausted, and I just want to sleep, but all I keep doing is tossing and turning. I become more restless by the second, and I can't sleep. I'm wondering why can't I just fall asleep? My head is so full that it just keeps spinning. All I can think about is what is going to happen. After everything that Derek and I have been through I am starting to believe maybe we are truly not meant to be together. Even though those words break my heart into a million pieces they might be true.

I start crying when I even think of Derek and I not being together. What is wrong with me? After all that he has done this past month should I want to be with him? I can't help myself, I crave him. I want all of him. I am so confused right now, and I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I just wanted all of this to disappear like it never happened. It's like every time we get a step closer to happiness we take five steps backwards, and I hate it. I need to stop thinking about it, so then I realize that all I can really do now is just take it day by day and see what takes place. I just hope that nothing else bad takes place in the process.