Chapter 101 Pain
Kristen's POV
It's been two days since the discovery of Calhoun's cheating. Emilia Dante, daughter of Alpha Morison from Starlight pack.
The fact that she's everything I am not, makes me even more depressed.
She's stunning, tall, and skinny with a curvy body.
Calhoun is seeing another woman aside from me.
He marked me to be his for the second time, impregnated me, divorced my mom, and promised to marry me. And still cheated on me with an Alpha's daughter.
I am undergoing excruciating distress right now. I've remained locked up in my old apartment near school. Lack of personal hygiene, puffy crying eyes like I got punched in the face, and an empty stomach.
I look the exact opposite of Kristen. Pale, lean, and completely fragile. With this darkness on my puffy eyelids like I got punched in the face. My hair is completely in a mess and I look like a ghost, still wearing the same dress I wore two days ago when I went out with my Dad and Janette.
My dad and Janette are worried to death, mostly my dad. After I asked him to leave my room, I locked myself in. He knocked several times and yelled at me to not be selfish because I needed to eat to feed my baby if I didn't want to lose it.
But I am too numb. Numb to do anything or even speak back. My bodyguard, Janette, had tried breaking down the door, then decided against it since she realized I could even hurt myself.
I've remained locked in here, not willing to show my face to anyone or anything. I feel too hurt and humiliated to do so. I have been giving myself high hopes this whole time, thinking I was the only woman in Calhoun's life.
Snickering, I fork my fingers through my tangled hair, to tousle it
even more.
It's been two fucking nights since I kicked Calhoun out and I have been dwelling in profound shame, bitterness, and hurt in my heart. two days since it feels like I lost a part of me.
It's hard to comprehend my feelings sometimes, but when I do, the tears spill in a very heart-wrenching manner, making me go breathless through the sustaining of a blocked nostril.
It's been two horrible days since I watched my mate lying naked and asleep on top of a bed, with the naked Emilia at his side, and it made me feel like I had something that did not belong to me and I was meant to return it to the rightful owner. Calhoun, he's not mine after all.
'Our man,' said Emilia.
And it means Calhoun has told her everything he's told me.
To think I have been fucking relaxed, thinking Calhoun only had eyes for me, unbeknownst that he was sleeping with an Alpha's daughter this whole time.
It's obvious he has feelings for her, whether I like it or not and there's fucking nothing I can do about it, other than wallow in hurt.
The moon goddess made Calhoun and I mates, he divorced my mother and took me in, only to go at my back to cheat on me.
Can it be that I am cursed to suffer? That I should never know peace? Because each time I love someone, I end up losing them. Darren, my first boyfriend, and now Calhoun. It's just so brutally painful and unfair. I don't deserve this heartache.
When Calhoun first rejected me, I was hurt and dejected. But the way I feel right now is ten times worse than I felt on that day.
I can still remember the look on his face when I played the video for him. He was shocked to the extent that he was lost for words. And then he looked at me with pleading blue eyes, before calling my name slowly.
Right now, I am on the verge of losing control, but I still managed to blow out breaths to ease my bruised heart, letting the tears flow freely.
I've never had something hurt me as much as this. Calhoun, whom I trusted with everything inside of me, turned out to be a big cheat.
And Emilia is aware he's with me, and she still went ahead to make that video, to hurt me.
I'll take it that she's elated right now, knowing I am in pain after finding out about her and Calhoun.
It's what she's always wanted, to separate me from Calhoun so she can have him all to herself.
Dragging my knees to my chest, I support my chin there, as I let out shaky sobs. I Want this to be a dream but it's far from it. It's real. My entire life turned upside down when I saw that video.
On the contrary, what if Calhoun has a hand in this? What if it was all an act because he loves her and he wants to toss a pregnant me like trash because he's fed up with me?
So many thoughts are slamming through my mind right now, worsening the situation, and making my heart bleed even more.
I've been battling with these thoughts that even hurt me more, but I don't stop them. They live in my head because Calhoun hasn't come to look for me.
No doubt Bruce, his Beta, is filling his head with the assurance that I'll be fine, I need some time alone. Not only did my mate betray me,
but his beta also did.
He's aware Calhoun is cheating on me and still acts as if it was nothing. He didn't even tell me about it.
I can't believe Bruce would betray me like that. It hurts so bad.
I've been in here, locked up. Hating myself and everyone in the entire world. I just want the ground to open up and consume me, to save me from this misery. And maybe when I die, Calhoun will regret
hurting me.
On the other hand, I feel like the worst person on Earth because I am being selfish. There's a life growing inside of me, a child I am starving. Sometimes I want to go out to meet with my father, to cry in his arms and eat as much as I can because of this baby, but when I get close to the door, I drop the idea because I'll break out crying. It's just hard to believe my whole life changed within two days. Does Calhoun even think about me? Know that I am hurting?
I believe Mom will be glad to hear about Calhoun's cheating because she suffered the same fate. He was married to her, yet he kept
coming to me.
While she was hurting all along.
And now, he's doing the same thing to me. Worse of it all, I am
carrying his child.
The thought of Calhoun holding this Emilia girl in his arms, kissing and making love to her, is just driving me nuts that I want to pull out
my heart and scream so loud.
Instead, I just break into more sobs and facepalm.
Only Dad and Janette are aware of what's happening, I am even too ashamed to make it known to my friends because I don't want
anyone's pity.
They think I have it all because I am Calhoun's mate, I am pregnant
for him, and then he divorced my mom to stay with me, after promising to marry me and make me his Luna when I put to bed.
If they find out about the video, they'll feel sorry for me. And I don't even want anyone's comfort. They don't need to know about this, I'll deal with the pain alone.
Lying to me and proclaiming his love for me at all times, while he still goes to meet Emilia Dante, to continue their affair.
How could he?
Even Ben was more considerate than him.
He knew I didn't love him, yet he kept coming, trying to see if I could
give him a chance.
Ben wanted to make me his Luna.
And Calhoun...
Did he ever love me?
His behavior alone is enough to question his love for me.
If he truly loves me, he'd have returned when I told him off. He'd have been here right now, he'd break down my door to come to meet
me and apologize.
But no, he did none.
He left when I told him off and refused to return.
Even though I am still hurt and bitter about this whole cheating
thing, a part of me is yearning for his presence. Want him to show up because my feelings cannot wither away just like that. I still love him very much and I hate that I cannot stop.
The fact that this combination of sadness and regret in his blue eyes disappeared as fast as it arrived when I told him to leave, still makes my stomach churn.
Did Calhoun ever love me?
Did he get fed up with me after staying with me for five months?
They said most men tend to lose feelings after being with a particular woman for sometime.
He told me he loved me countless times, stared at me like I was the
most beautiful thing to ever grace the earth. Treated me with
affection.
Why did he cheat on me with that brunette?
Can it be that Ben was right from the beginning? That Calhoun
doesn't love me?
I don't even know what to believe at this point.
All I know is that I am getting sick because I've been starving and I
don't even barf anymore when the urge comes up. I only gag because my stomach is empty.
And I cannot eat. It feels like I am betraying my poor heart when I think about food.