Chapter 31 Chapter 31
Gabriel
Sleeping with the mask on was uncomfortable but then I didn’t really sleep anyway. Although it was tempting with her snoring softly beside me.
Audrey was asleep in my arms, she wasn’t going to leave me.
It made all the years of waiting and watching worth it. Every ounce of self hatred was worth this moment. Turning on my side , I stared at her. My cheek resting on my arm.
How was it possible that she was so beautiful. Even if she had a little drool sliding down her chin.
No one should be allowed to be that pretty when they were snoring, it should be a crime.
It should be against the law that she was here in the bed of a ruined man as well but I wasn’t going to let her go. Not ,now I had her.
I had waited too long for this moment.
“Have you even been to sleep?” Her lips barely moved and her eyes stayed shut. But she wasn’t asleep and I had been a fool to think otherwise.
“Wasn’t tired.” Reaching out I ran my fingers down her cheek. “Plus the mask is-“
Her eyes flew open. “You can take it off Gabriel.” She said quietly.
I recoiled like she had rejected me, my hand falling to the bed between us like a dead weight.
“Gabriel?” She reached for me and I scooted back off the bed, swinging my legs from it and hastily pulling on clothes to cover the scars that crisscrossed my body. My back had always been the worst but that was easy to hide from her.
My face would make her run screaming for the hills.
I didn’t care how sweaty and uncomfortable the rubber was against my skin, I couldn’t take it off and show her my true self.
She would run and I had only just got her.
It couldn’t-
Inside something hateful twisted. A pit of self loathing opening up and threatening to swallow me whole.
This was meant to be the time where I could be happy. It was all meant to be ok if she was mine but maybe my brother was right because deep down I knew that if she saw me she wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me.
No one ever did. Not my family , not the woman I loved. I was a monster in the ruins of a human body and I was completely alone.
At my side my hands curled into fists.
“Don’t force me out Gabriel.” Audrey’s voice was small. A tiny whisper of longing.
The pit in my stomach opened wider and threatened to swallow me and her.
“Don’t-“
I stood and I heard her sigh. Her hand when it hit the mattress was a low thump.
“I think you should leave.” My voice was monotone, flat and emotionless.
I could afford to give into the blackness of my soul but she couldn’t be here when I did. There would be no coming back for her.
“Gabriel-“ the spring of the bed creaked and I knew she was kneeling up but I didn’t turn to her. If I did I would take the perfect body and I would use her to beat back the demons that raged inside.
“Leave.”
Her small warm hand touched my back, burning hot through my tshirt.
Every part of me wanted to scream. I wanted her. More than I had ever wanted anything in my entire life.
So why was I pulling away?
Why couldn’t I let myself be happy?
“Get the fuck out.” I whispered.
Audrey didn’t move. Her hand stayed planted on my back. It shook a little.
“I won’t let you push me away, Gabriel.” Audrey’s voice was a lot stronger than mine. “I promised you.”
I moved without even thinking about it. Closing both of my hands around her throat I forced her back down onto the bed and squeezed.
“You think I care about your fake promises.” I spat down at her. My fingers tightened until her face turned a unnatural purple blotchy colour. Her hands scrambled up wards to rake her nails down mine and to try and get me to loosen my grip so she could breathe.
Like that would stop me.
This was me, and Michael was right. I was going to destroy her just by being me.
Wide terrified eyes blinked up at me.
There was something else in them as well. Something I couldn’t understand.
Understanding?
Sucking in a breath I fell backwards.
I heard her rattling breath as oxygen flowed back into her lungs and she coughed hard.
“You need to leave Audrey. I can’t let you be around me like this. I’ll hurt you.” My voice broke, my body trembled. I needed to hurt someone or something and it couldn’t be her.
It couldn’t be. I wouldn’t survive that.
“It’s ok, Gabriel, it’s-“
“GET OUT.” I screamed and launched myself at the window. Slamming my fist against it again and again until it smashed.
The shards of glass cut into my skin. And bright red blood bubbled up. It helped but it wasn’t enough.
My blood was never enough, the Dentist. The man who had taken me and tortured me had made sure of that. He had broken me into pieces and rebuilt me in his image.
I was more of a monster than he had ever been.
“Get out, get out, GET OUT.”
I barely heard her run, but I knew she did. Grabbing the dresser I lifted it and heaved it against the wall. And it still wasn’t enough.
Turning wildly I watched as she appeared outside. My tshirt whipping around her naked legs as she ran bare foot across the wet grass.
Michael was right. I couldn’t keep her. I couldn’t keep anyone.
“Audrey.” Pain flooded me. Not physical pain. This was like someone was carving out my heart with a blunt knife.
“Audrey please-“
She wasn’t going to come back. In less than twenty four hours I had showed her my true self and she had left.
It didn’t matter that I had told her to go.
Nothing mattered but the empty feeling that was eating me alive.
Michael was right, all of my brothers were.
And now Audrey knew the truth.