Chapter 51

**Matteo**

Lily wants to get to know the real me. Mafia boss Matteo, as she calls it. Well, I think it is more than I thought I could get. I took her offer with both hands, and I will talk about me. I just didn’t want to admit to my criminal activities via text. And thus, here we are. She was okay with me coming over to her apartment because she said it would be more private. If only she knew…

“You wanted to get to know me better, right?”, I asked Lily after a few very awkward minutes. She didn’t really know how to respond to me being here, and I didn’t want to cross her boundaries. As a result, I’m on my best behavior and she is just very uncomfortable. So, I’m here on her couch with a cup of coffee.

“Yes, I want to know better what I’m getting myself into. And to know who you really are.”, she explained.

“Go ahead, ask what you want to know.”, I said, inviting her to ask the questions. I know better than to start talking myself. I don’t want share more than she wants to know, partly not to overshare, partly to not scare her away.

“What are you?”, Lily asked me. Well, that was easy.

“Leader of the Esposito cartel.”, I answered.

“And how did you get to that position?”, Lily asked me, while she took a sip of her tea. I looked at her for a second, curled up on a recliner, wearing leggings and an oversized sweatshirt. She looked amazing.

“My dad was the leader before me, but it is not a position that is handed down to the son automatically. In the years before I had gained a lot of respect already, and after their dead, I made sure that no one would want to challenge me for the position. I wanted to finish what my dad had started.”, I answered. Lily just nodded, but it must sound very foreign to her.

“So, what do you do?”, Lily asked.

“The legal part you know, right?”, I asked her to which she nodded. “The illegal part is about weapons and drugs. We have some high-quality suppliers that supply us, and then we sell it here.”, I explained. I saw that Lily was thinking about what she wanted to ask.

“How do you get to know such suppliers? I mean, they don’t really show on the yellow pages I guess?”, Lily asked. I chuckled, I never realized that some people might really not know how this life works.

“No, not really. I mean we have the rolodex from my dad, but we also hear things that others don’t hear I guess?”, I said. How do we know what the suppliers are? We just did. I didn’t know either.

“And what happens if such a supplier doesn’t give you the right price or doesn’t supply what you want?”, Lily asked, tilting her head to the side, and looking at me intently.

“Then you negotiate.”, I answered, knowing fully well that she would want more details.

“How?”, Lily asked. I smirked.

“Well, you first negotiate the normal way. And if that doesn’t work you pull out a gun. Or something like that.”, I answered.

“How did you negotiate the last time?”, Lily asked me with narrowed eyes. She is a fast learner!

“We stormed his house, and took his daughter as leverage.”, I said, looking down. Strangely, I felt a bit ashamed of it when I discussed it with her.

“Does that mean that you are keeping his daughter hostage in your house?”, Lily asked. I find it weird that she doesn’t even blink an eye when she says that. It was like she was talking about the weather.

I nodded.

“Are you hurting her?”, Lily asked, looking somewhat disturbed. I shook my head.

“No, she is treated nicely, but she is confined. I don’t condone rape or sexual assault within my organization. Anyone who does, knows that they will be killed.”, I said passionately. Rapists truly disgust me. Lily seems relieved by my answer.

“How many have you killed?”, Lily asked me. I had expected this question way earlier than this.

“Many.”, I answered truthfully. I never kept track, my dad always told me to not keep track. He didn’t want me to be haunted by the death.

“Did you count them?”, she asked softly. I shook my head. Lily whistled whilst shaking her head.

“Does it shock you?”, I asked curiously, wanting to know how she was taking it.

“Weirdly, no. I’m just struggling to put this together with how I know you.”, Lily replied. I could tell that she was processing all this new information. At the same time, I was very happy with how well she took it all.

Slowly, but surely, I believe I’m winning back her trust by having these conversations with her. I had been freeing up as much time as she needed from me, which wasn’t always appreciated by my team. However, I really wanted to do this. I wanted her back in my life, and it felt good to have admitted that to her.

The sessions on the couch did feel a bit like therapy, not that I ever had those, but still.

Today, I am sitting on her couch with a glass of wine instead of coffee. Lily is sitting on the recliner again, curled up, again in leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, but this time also with a glass of wine. She looked more comfortable to be around me by now.

Lily twirled the wine around in her glass and spoke softly.

“How many women did you sleep with?”

Another one of those questions that I didn’t really want to answer. The less she knew the better if you ask me. But I also knew that I wasn’t going to get away with not answering.

“Many.”, I answered. “But I never had a lasting relationship. After mom and dad were killed, I worked hard to build the respect to be the leader, and to rebuild the organization. I didn’t have time for a woman, but I am a human with desires. So, I had sex and never saw the woman again.”

“Was that a fulfilling life for you?”, Lily asked. Her face was blank, and it was not possible to read what she was thinking.

“No, obviously. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here. But then, it was all I was capable of. I spent so much of my time on the organization. Besides, my mom and dad were just murdered and emotionally I was completely unavailable.”, I explained.

“How did you make sure that you never saw them again?”, Lily asked me, looking me directly into my eyes.

“I didn’t kill them if that’s what you’re asking. I just met them in a club, and maybe it was sheer luck that I never saw them again.”, I answered. I saw Lily exhale with relief at my answer.

“What about you?”, I asked her. Lily opened her eyes wide in surprise. She clearly didn’t expect the question to be bounced back to her. She looked down at her glass and took a big gulp of her wine.

“I’ve had a few boyfriends, but none of them really lasted long. I usually get bored quickly.”, she admitted, but she wouldn’t look me in the eye.

“Bored how?”, I probed. This I found interesting.

“Bored in the relationship.”, she answered. I raised my eyebrow at her. She sighed. “Bored in bed.”

I grinned to myself, but I really liked hearing this. Lily felt a bit uncomfortable speaking about this, because she still wasn’t looking me in the eye, and she kept twirling the wine in her glass.

“What bored you?”, I asked her. I saw her squirming in her seat, knowing that she didn’t like talking about sex. She didn’t mind having it, though!

“I had some nice boyfriends, but in bed it was too boring. Always the same, never too exciting.”, she said.

“What is it that you want?”, I asked her, with a sly smirk on my face. Lily looked at me and forced a smile at me, knowing that I had her where I wanted her.

“I want someone who can surprise me in bed, someone who can excite me without much effort, and someone who is able to push my boundaries.”, she said.

“You want someone to dominate you.”, I stated. She nodded shyly.