Chapter Twenty One

“Ah, I missed this,” I thought to myself as I gazed up at the sky and felt the cool breeze on the overlooking view where Dos and I used to go. This is the twin’s secret hideaway, where they go whenever they need a break. If I’m not wrong, they brought me here for the first time one month after my mother died.

I recall them asking me why I had stopped going to their house and why I was distancing myself from them. Of course, I lied and said I was depressed as a result of what had happened and didn’t want to socialize. To be honest, though? During those times, I desperately needed a friend, but I end up being alone at a time when I was weak and vulnerable.

“Mom, I miss you,” I smiled before closing my eyes because they were getting hot again. I sighed deeply and opened my car door to get the beer I had brought. I opened a can and sat on the hood of my car. Fortunately, the sunlight wasn’t too hot because it was cloudy.

“I want to live normally,” I muttered to myself while looking at the blue skies, “I want to have a peaceful life.”

I drank the beer from the can one after another before looking in my pocket when my cellphone rang. I picked it up and was not surprised to see Uno’s name. I texted him earlier, saying I’d be staying at his house, and I’m guessing he read it just now. I mean, I’m not insane enough to go there without telling him.

[Where are you?]

[In the overlooking. Why?] I replied and waited for his response but I finished drinking the beer and still didn’t hear back from him. I sighed again and opened another can. I’m going to see Uno later tonight, so even if I drink a lot, it’s okay. I have plenty of time to rest before driving.

“Can you hear me, Mom?” I asked as I leaned my hand behind my back and looked up at the clear sky again. “Sorry if your daughter looks unhappy and miserable.”

“It’s only for now, but I’ll make sure I’m going to be okay again tomorrow.” My lips pursed and my eyes watered. I couldn’t stop crying no matter how hard I tried not to. My body was filled with resentment, and I had to lessen it or else—I would explode.

I don’t want to have another mental breakdown; I can’t afford it. I don’t want to have to suppress my emotions once again. It’s exhausting and pitiful. I don’t want to suffer alone any longer, what do I have to do to live a life appropriate for my age? I’m only 23, but I’m not running out of problems already, what did I do to deserve a life like this?

If Divina hadn’t come into our lives, our family would still be happy and complete. If Dad hadn’t fallen prey to temptation, our relationship might still be undamaged. If ever he learns the truth about why mom and Uno’s uncle became so close, will his attitude toward me change? Will he apologize to me and Mom? Will he have redemption? I had been debating whether or not to tell my dad the truth for a long time, but I realized that no matter what I say, he would not believe it. He has been brainwashed and is no longer able to think for himself. The father I used to admire no longer exists.

I had a lot of questions in my head that I wanted to be answered but didn’t dare to ask. I don’t want to deny myself any longer, but there is no hope that my relationship with my father will get better.

“What the fuck?”

When I heard that familiar voice, I blinked one after the other. I turned to see Uno standing there with his hands in his pockets. I smiled and went down from the hood of the car to get closer to him, but I got dizzy and lose my balance. Uno caught me right away because his reflexes were quick. Another reason for me to smile at him.

“I’m having deja vu,” I said, still smiling, looking up at him, but he scowled at me. It must have been strange to see how wasted I was. Well, I’m still aware of what I’m doing, but I can’t deny that alcohol has a powerful effect on me.

“How much did you drin—” he couldn’t continue his question when he noticed some pieces of an empty can on the hood of the car. I raised my two eyebrows when he held his temple and looked down at me.

“What brings you here?” I questioned.

“Do you have a problem?” he asked, and I smiled and shook my head.

“What will be my problem?”

“Did something happen?” he asked, sighing. I shook my head again.

“Damn it, you can’t even talk properly; you’re a waste.”

“Hey,” I called out to him when I touched his suit. We locked gazes for a moment and the strong wind blew.

“What?” he asked, making me tighten my grip on his suit not caring if it crumpled and he gets angry with me. I don’t know if it’s an effect of alcohol, but I want to feel some warmth.

“What exactly is it—”

“Can you hug me?” I asked, avoiding looking at him because I was embarrassed. I waited for him to respond, but he didn’t appear to have any plans, so I bit my lower lip. We’re just fuck buddies, so he might think I’m clingy. We don’t have a romantic relationship.

“Forget it,” I said as I let go of his suit and I was gonna go back to sitting on the hood of the car, but before I could take a step, he held my wrist to keep me from leaving. I turned to look at him and was taken aback when he pulled me into a hug. I hid my lips and lean against his chest while he stroked my hair. I shouldn’t cry but I couldn’t stop myself.

I’ve been crying a lot over the last few days. This isn’t like me. I’m really embarrassed and ashamed of how weak and vulnerable I am, and to think that I will be like this in front of Uno, I guess. I’m already tired of hiding my emotions.

“What happened, Kharris?” Uno asked as I hug him back and shook my head in response to his question. I closed my eyes as I felt his warmth and gentle caress on my hair. I felt like I could fall asleep, but then I woke up when Uno picked me up like a child.

“W-what are you doing?” I asked, hugging him even tighter, afraid I’d fall but he gently placed me on the hood of the car. I looked up at him, puzzled.

“Why—” I couldn’t finish my question when he suddenly touched both of my cheeks and licked my tears like it was a normal thing to do. My eyes widened as he straightened up, his hand still on my cheek.

“Hmm, salty,” he said as he licked his lips, I stare at him in disbelief because I’m not sure what my reaction should be. Did he just taste my tears?

“Pfft!” I quickly held my mouth but I can’t suppress myself from laughing aloud. I even punched Uno in the stomach, forcing him to let go of my cheeks. I wasn’t expecting him to make me laugh so hard.

“Seriously, what was that?” I asked him, still laughing while wiping my tears.

“Who made you cry?” Uno asked me with a serious tone as if he were asking who he was going to kill. I stopped laughing because of that and rested my hand behind my back.

I looked up at the sky, but my attention was drawn to Uno who was standing in front of me, between my thighs, to be exact.

I gave him a friendly smile.

“Do I look miserable?” I asked, not taking my eyes off him and he did the same to me. “You see, I’m already tired of hiding how weak and fragile I really am.”

I knew it was a bad idea to tell him these things but I can’t stop talking. I feel like I need to reveal the secret and the resentment inside of me, or else I’ll go crazy.

“You really think I didn’t know you were just putting on a front? Who do you think I am, Kharris?” Uno asked before touching my chin and staring me down with an eye that almost penetrated my soul.

I’m not sure why, but it gives me comfort to know that Reo isn’t the only one who understands why I’m putting up a front. They’ve known this for a long time but they don’t make it a big deal out of it or force me to show my true emotions.

“Now tell me exactly what’s going on, and I’ll help you in killing whoever made you cry.”