CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR

CHAPTER NINETY-FOUR

Cassie POV

I didn’t know where I was going.

I just knew I needed to get out.

Finding out Jericho had a child.

It was all too much.

My mind was spinning with all of the information.

I knew deep down it wasn’t his fault.

I found out the same time he did I suspect.

But is still couldn’t shake this feeling of hate, betrayal and jealousy.

And to be perfectly honest.

I had no idea who I was really angry at.

The easy answer would be Jericho.

But If I was being honest.

I was really angry at myself.

I let myself get involved.

I shouldn’t have done that.

I let myself fell for him.

Love him.

What was I thinking.

After finding out about Amy I should have called it a day.

But I couldn’t.

No.

Wouldn’t let something so fickle tear me from him.

And now look where I am.

Walking the streets to God knows where.

Licking my wounds.

As if I had been in battle.

Was I in the wrong.

Was my fleeing a sign of weakness.

Should I have stayed and let him explain it to me.

Was I being selfish.

All these questions swirling around in my head.

Invading my mental capacity to tell the right from wrong.

Not allowing me to see reason.

What should I do?

I was asking myself this the whole time I was walking.

As if I was going to get some sort of a sign.

But it was clear that this decision needed to be made by me.

Only I could decide my fate.

So, let’s weigh the pros and cons shall we.

Pro.

I love him.

Con.

He has a child with someone that’s not me.

Pro.

He loves me.

Con.

The child is not ours.

Pro.

I actually can’t think of anything else.

God.

This was not helping me one bit.

I am nowhere better off than I was a minute ago.

I look up to the sky and see that it’s starting to get dark.

I should head back.

Alexis will start to worry.

I wonder if Jericho and Alex are back yet.

I left my phone at the house so I couldn’t even see how long I had been out here for.

It felt like a while.

They should be back by now.

I make my way back home.

Trying to convince myself of the pros and cons that make me want to stay with Jericho.

And the more I think about it.

The more I don’t like what I’m thinking to myself.

This couldn’t be how it ended, could it?

I mean yeah.

The thought of him having a child with another woman for the past twenty years is not something I could have ever foresaw.

But was it fair to blame him for that.

To have our relationship hang in the balance.

Was it fair for me to even consider making him chose.

Because let’s face it.

What was he choosing.

To have a relationship finally with his daughter.

Or to have this relationship with me in the hopes that we would someday have a family of our own and I have the opportunity to bare his children.

Could I do that to him.

If I loved him, I wouldn’t ask that of him, would I?

I couldn’t contain these intrusive thoughts running around in my head.

I just needed to get back home.

To Jericho.

Maybe then I would find my answer.

As I make my way closer towards home.

I have a sudden sense of doubt hit me.

Maybe this wasn’t such a good thing after all.

But I carry on regardless.

The house comes into view and for a moment…

A tiny moment I think about what my life was going to be like.

And it wasn’t what I thought it was going to entail.

And before I know it, I’m outside the front door opening it with my key.

And suddenly I am hit with the raised voices of Alexis and Jericho.

What on earth is happening.

I rush to open the door as quickly as possible.

As I do I walk straight towards the room where I can hear their hostility towards one another.

And the view in front of me is surprising.

I instantly have a view of Alexis and Jericho standing toe to toe against one another.

I would have said nose to nose, but Jericho is much taller than Alexis even when she’s wearing heels.

And by the looks on their faces it wouldn’t be too long before one of them was going to throw the first punch.

The look in Alexis’s eyes told me she had had enough of this bullshit.

And to be fair so was I.

I’d seen that look in her eye before.

And trust me.

It never ended well for the person on the receiving end of it.

But Jericho’s look was different.

It was one of despair.

He looked defeated.

As if he wanted Lexi to punch him.

I guess he thought he deserved it.

And then there was Alex.

On the sofa.

Watching the show.

Amusement written on his face.

I guess he was waiting for a fight to break out also.

Good job I showed up when I did then.

“What the hell am I walking into.”

They all turned towards me simultaneously.

Good.

Now I had their attention.

They wouldn’t be wanting to kill each other.

Well…

At least not for now anyway.

Which for the time being was the least of my problems.

Alexis was the first to greet me.

“Don’t be silly.”

“Jericho and I were just having a discussion about recent events.”

I knew she was chatting shit.

She wasn’t the only one who had a bullshit detector.

“Hmm.”

Jericho then made his way towards me.

“Cassandra.”

“Please can we talk.”

“Privately.”

I knew what he wanted to talk about.

I just didn’t know if he knew that I knew what he wanted to talk about.

“Course.”

Alexis and Alex both disappeared into the next room.

“Before you start, I already know Jericho.”

I go towards the couch and take a seat.

I figure this to be the time to sit down.

He followed suit.

“I know.”

Was all he replied.

“How…”

“Alexis filled me in.”

He continued.

“Of course she did.”

He reached for my hand.

“I’m so sorry Cassandra.”

He began.

“If I had any idea…”

I put my hand up.

“Jericho stop.”

“This isn’t your fault.”

I pull my hand from his grasp and stand.

“This is nobody’s fault.”

“I see that now.”

I start to pace.

Jericho then stands to offer me some sort of comfort.

But I didn’t want it.

“Look I have to say this now or else I will never say it.”

He backs up from me.

Just a little.

To give me space.

“I’ve been doing some thinking.”

“And I feel like maybe we should take some time apart.”

He jolts towards me.

To grab my shoulders.

“What Cassandra no.”

“Listen to me.”

He heads back towards the couch.

And takes a seat.

“Jericho, I love you, but I think this is the best option.”

He sits there shaking his head.

“You’re a father now.”

“You have to make time for you and your daughter.”

“You have to get to know your daughter.”

“I don’t want you to have to decide between getting to know your daughter or spending time with me.”

“That’s not fair on you.”

“Either of you.”

“She deserves to know her, Father Jericho.”

“All of you.”

“And you can’t do that if you’re worrying about us.”

He looks at me.

Tears in his eyes.

It broke my heart.

“You know I’m right.”

He slowly stands.

Heads straight for me.

“But I love you.”

This was killing me.

But I knew it was for the best.

“I know you do.”

“But your daughter needs your love right now.”

“And I’m ok with that.”

Tears are forming within my eyes as I speak these words to him.

It was tearing away everything within me.

But this is what needed to be done.

I kissed him on the cheek and turned towards the stairs.

I knew exactly what I was going to do.

And I knew exactly where I was going to do it.

But I wasn’t going to let any of them know it.

I needed time alone.

Away.

And Jericho needed time to bond and catch up with his daughter.

And believe me twenty years is a long time to catch up on.

And I knew he wouldn’t be able to truly focus on her if I was around.

So, I made the decision to remove myself entirely.

Did I think I was making a big mistake.

Hell yes.

Was I going to regret it.

Possibly.

But did I think it was for the best.

Completely.

And because I loved him so much.

That was the reason I was going to do what I was going to do.

And with each step I took up the stairs towards my room.

My heart broke.