Chapter 88 THE APPREHENSION

Chapter 88 THE APPREHENSION
KIMBERLY.

I wanted to do it. So bad. I could see the hunger in his eyes and I was sure as hell that it mirrored mine.
My fists clenched under my chest, straining against reaching for him.
Where was this apprehension coming from suddenly? Or could it be the uncertainty that will come after?
Before, we were ready to do it casual, like we said until things turned south between us and all I could do was figure out what was real which left me nothing but conceited.
"Rafael."I stuttered, twisting my lips.
The thirst in his expression waned a little, but the intensity left there was still burning.
"It's okay."His mouth pulled into an understanding smile, brushing my hair down with his fingers.
"It's not that."I shook my head, even though I was lost in figuring out what was really okay.
"Kim–"
"I want it, so bad."My voice cracked at each word and I took my gaze away from him.
"I caused this."His low tone charged the air again, it was at the bridge of my lips to debunk it, but I knew I have no wit for that so I just let it be.
"We both did."
"We were never true to each other from the beginning."
"Is this about Rita?"
A short laugh stormed past his lips."God no, I'm talking about us."
Us.
My heart seemed to use that as a soothing balm because my chest stopped aching at the sound of it.
I gulped down nothing."Rafael, I–"
"I can't do casual with you."He confessed again, the same way he told me earlier that he knew I wasn't serious about keeping things platonic between us.
Like someone who'd figure me out thoroughly.
"But?"I said cautiously, blinking a little.
Rafael deflated, pulling his hair roughly."I don't know what will become of us."
"I don't know either."I shrugged.
The before me would have predicted that there was no way on earth and Rafael and I would still be together two years from now.
But after I agreed to us not denying our marriage, it now felt indefinite, like something that had no end.
It should scare me, but it didn't.
"I have a lot of things to figure out, Kim."Rafael confessed again, his eyes turning glossy.
My skin stung a little at his words. I know it shouldn't, but it still did.
To be honest, Rafael still have a lot to figure out and I don't think defining our relationship should be top of the list, I wouldn't be that selfish but it won't hurt to see him prioritize it just for a split second.
"I know."My voice came out barely in a whisper.
He reached for my hand, pressing the back softly."But–"
His phone started buzzing in his pocket, cutting him off.
Rafael growled under his breath before slipping it out with his other hand, not letting go of me.
His frown deepened as he buried his head into the screen."What the–"
"Are you okay?"I cut in quickly.
He sighed, letting the phone slip off his hand."Baxter wants to see me."
"Oh."I mouthed, not getting why he had to make a fuss out of that but I didn't say anything.
"He texted me himself."Rafael blurted, chewing on both of his lips.
"That's impressive."I said truthfully, quite glad that both brothers saw the need to change their means of communication from filing lawsuits to exchanging texts over the phone.
Rafael grimaced, shaking his head."Nah, that's audacious."
"You can't be mad at him for long."I pressed.
Rafael's expression didn't become sound, but he didn't look comfortable either.
"That's the problem,Kim."He rasped out, picking on his fingernails.
"A problem?"I scoffed, completely confused.
Rafael flung his arms out helplessly."I should be angry and–"He trailed off, inhaling deeply before giving me a dismissive wave."You know what? I'd rather take you to the hospital than bore you with my shitty stories."
"You're not shitty."I countered, Rafael flashed me a knowing smirk.
"But my attitude is?"
"Exactly."
Finally, Rafael retreated to his room to get dressed and after he was done, we both went to the hospital.
Getting there, Rowan was waiting outside, conversing with Gretchen who was buried deep into what seemed like a set of instructions that he was passing to her.
Their attention drifted towards us the moment we got closer to them.
"Look at the most controversial couple of–"
"Cut the crap and fill me in."Rafael grunted, nudging my body with his like he was trying to get my attention to Rowan but I was already focused on him.
Gretchen flashed me a sweet smile before disappearing into the car at the far end of the parking lot.
My heart tugged a little at how coordinated and well put she looked, especially this morning with Norman still raging around like a bulldog.
"Nothing much, just Baxter asking for you after–"
"God, is he in love with me?"Rafael gagged, tipping his head backward.
Rowan grinned."Sounds sweet but no, it was the after effect of his drugs."
"How's he coping?"His face turned serious.
Rowan nodded in satisfaction."Seems your little pep talk seemed to have worked."
"I should go to Rita."I spoke up, gesturing to the executive elevator even though I wanted to hear more about Baxter but I knew I don't have all the day for that.
Rafael nodded at me in understanding."You can tell me if you need any help."
"Yeah, thanks."I muttered ,walking away briskly to the elevator.
"And Kim?"Rafael called behind me, causing me to turn to him.
"I craned my neck at him."Yeah?"
Rafael hesitated. But scooted forward, fisting his hands in his pants."I don't want Rita to know that I knew–"
"I would never do that Rafael, except you asked for it."I interpolated, earning a soft laugh from him.
"Except I asked for it?"He joked, tucking his lower lips in and he never looked hotter than right now.
My whole body pulsed in response and guilt clogged my throat.
I really should have tossed my clothes off earlier. What the hell was wrong with him.
I offered him a fake glare."Politely of course."