Chapter 37: Liam

I don’t know if it’s the grief of losing Cara or the fear of losing Isabelle, but we weren’t able to form a solid plan tonight about what to do. It is now past three in the morning, and we are still sitting in the office. Over twelve hours we have been here. Declan looks exhausted, but makes no attempt to leave. I bet he couldn’t bear being in their home even if he did manage to get home safely.

“Go take your room upstairs.” He nods and the look of relief washes over him when I tell him that, which is only further proof he doesn’t want to return to their home. He pushes to his feet and heads to the door, shoulders slumped curling into himself. He looks so broken. And I don’t blame him. I want to fix this for him, I just don’t know how.

I stand there a few moments longer racking my brain for any kind of answer. Nothing comes. I close my eyes and bring my hands to my hair pulling at the root in frustration. Before I know it, the grandfather clock chimes announcing to the silent room it is now four in the morning. I have sat here in the still quiet an hour longer and yet it feels like no time has passed and yet I still have no answers.

I force myself to stand from the couch and leave the room. I let my feet carry me wherever they might as my mind works double time trying to find a solution to this problem. It should come as no surprise when I reach Isabelle’s room. I stand outside the door just staring at the piece of wood that separated us. I don’t know if I should enter. I spent more time away from her today than I intended to, even though I know she needs to be able to stand on her own, I don’t want her to. A part of my love is that she needs me. I turn and look at Mickey, the guard a few feet away from the door.

“How is she?” I ask him softly to be careful to keep my voice down so as to not wake her. A sad look crosses his face and I know I am not going to like the next words I hear. I brace myself.

“At first when you left, she seemed to be okay, kept mumbling to herself. Then the longer you were away she couldn’t seem to sit still.” He pauses as if to consider his next words carefully. “If I’m honest boss, I would have preferred her pacing. Because what came next chilled me to my bones.” He swallowed. “By the sixth hour, she sat down, and it was like everything left her. She wasn’t there anymore. Nothing but the rise and fall of her breaths showed she was alive. When Fredia brought food, she didn’t move. It was hard to keep my distance like you told me. She seemed so broken. Around eleven she finally moved. I thought she was coming out of it but she just came here and shut the door.”

He looks to the door as though it had personally offended him. Staring at it like he could rip it off the hinges with his eyes alone he continues to speak. “I heard her crying for a while, I wanted to come get you, but something told me not to leave her. I couldn’t, I knocked on the door. I didn’t enter, I told her it was okay, and you’d be back soon. She quieted down after that, and it’s been that way most of the night. Sometimes I hear a whimper but nothing more.” Now it’s my turn to swallow. I know exactly what he means that everything left her. I have seen it enough to know it, the way her eyes void out. I hate it.

“It that ever happens again, notify me at once.” I don’t know what I’ll do when it happens, but I want to know whenever she is hurting so I can at least try to do something. Mickey nods his head and looks at me. I see determination cross his face and he roll his shoulder out.

“I want to be her guard and I want to get to know her, and her to know me. She needs someone when you aren’t around. Someone she can trust.” At first, I don’t like the way he is all but demanding this of me, she doesn’t need anyone but me. The caveman in me wants to beat him down for assuming otherwise. But then the rational part of my brain comes to the front, and I know he is right. I cant always be there for her, I am the boss of the Irish Mob and there will be times that I cant be by here side.

“You swear your intentions are pure?” Jealousy and rage rise in me at the thought of another even thinking she might be theirs, she is mine. Mine.

“Back home I had a sister, she used to get that look.” I see the sadness in his eyes. “We didn’t know it then, but we found out, we found out when she took her own life to escape the pain she felt.” He takes a deep breath. “She reminds me of her, of my Anne, I wasn’t the best big brother to her. But I know I can be for Isabelle, if you will allow it, if she will have it be.” He looks back to the door again, I see his heart breaking for reasons other than my own.

“You swear to put your life ahead of hers?” I know I don’t need to ask him by the look on his face and the desperation in his voice. I still want verbal confirmation.

“Always.” I nod my head a few times at the conviction in his voice.

“Very well then you are no longer my man, you belong to her. I expect you to report to me things of concern, I expect you to come to me with her needs. I will make a proper introduction in the morning. Go now. I will be with her.”

I turn back to the door not waiting for him to answer. I open it, slipping inside slowly so as to not wake her. I walk over to the bed and look down at her sleeping form. Her features are pinched tight and a light sheen of sweat rests on her brow. She has kicked off all the covers and they are bunched at her feet. It is obvious that her sleep has been fitful and riddled with nightmares. I strip down to my boxer briefs and slip into the bed, carefully pulling her smaller body into my own. Her body stiffens for a second and she takes a sharp inhale, but then she relaxes and the pinched look she had before vanishes from her face. She snuggles deeper into my side and it’s clear she is finally at peace. As if my presence offers her something nothing else can. I kiss her head.

“I am here, my stor. You have nothing to fear I am here.”

I hold her close, and I realize I don’t just bring her peace, she brings it to me as well. Because the more I breathe in her scent, feel her soft against my hard, I relax more, and a feeling of calm comes over me I haven’t felt since Declan came to tell me about Cara. I have the sense that everything will work out because of her. I don’t know how I know that, but I know it will work out. And she is the key to that. I don’t know exactly how but I know it to be truth.

With that knowledge and her warmth against me I fall asleep with hope tomorrow will bring answers.