Chapter 35: Isabelle

I have never been more torn in my life. I know what happened was wrong, logically anyway. I am married. I shouldn’t have slept in another mans arms. I defiantly shouldn’t have rubbed myself on him, until I… I came… I had an orgasm. My first one ever. Alessandro never took the time to try, I never even felt what it was like to be turned on, I had never experienced those feelings. It was pleasurable. Liam didn’t take anything from me, he only seemed to worry about giving it to me. The way his eyes looked at me, the way he held me after like I was a precious jewel to him. Which leads me to where I am torn. I was wrong, but never in my life had anything felt so right. Like I was finally where I was meant to be. I felt safe for the first time in my life. I don’t have much experience with love, only what I got from my grandparents, but what I felt in him arms with him telling me he isn’t leaving, and even this morning when he reassured me and told me he would meet me outside my door, it feels a lot like love. I don’t understand any of this. I don’t understand why the sudden need I have to be around him. To be with him. To have his arms around me. I don’t understand the sudden anxiety I feel when I can’t at least see him.

As I clean myself off in the shower the darkness creeping in around me. Whispering words in my ears.

“Worthless.”

“Whore.”

“He will find you; he will take you, he will kill you.”

Its right, Alessandro will find me and he will kill me especially if he finds out. With that I start to spiral, vision slowly slipping away.

Knock knock

“Isabelle? You okay?” Liam. I exhale as the darkness loosens it grip on me, he sends it running to the back of my mind.

“Yes.” I crack, my throat dry. I swallow and try again. “Yes.” It comes out a bit stronger, a bit shaky though. So maybe not stronger just louder. There is a soft thud on the door. Almost like he has put his forehead against it.

“You been in there for a while.” He hesitates then continues. “I was worried.”

I don’t say anything at first trying to figure out what the actual hell is going on right now. Worried? I didn’t mean to make him worry, and I am not sure what he would even worry about me at all.

“Isabelle, please say something.” He seems to think for a second. “Or better yet just come out so I can see that you are okay with my own eyes.” His voice is laced heavily with anxiety, I don’t like it so I quickly turn the shower off and grab my towel wrapping it around me running to the door. I grip the handle and turn opening it. Liam falls forward, but quickly catches himself from falling. I guess he was leaning against the door. He looks at me running his eye from head to toe with a look of concern. When his eyes slowly come back up my body, the concern turns to something else. When he reaches my eyes again, I have to suck in a breath at the heat behind them. He starts to move with his arms, like he might grab me. then stops just shy and shakes his head. He closes his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. When he opens them again, he has a softer look, the heat still there but not as intense.

“Why don’t you get dressed then we can go eat?” I nod my head as he backs away, that panic from earlier about being away from him starts to show again. He sees it and steps back towards me, putting his arms around my waist and hugging me. “I will be right there in my chair. Its okay.” He kisses the top of my wet hair and once he realizes I’ve relaxed a little he lets me go and walks to the chair. I walk back over to the counter and pick up my clothes, looking back at the door I left open. I can’t see him and the panic sets in. I step back and look out the door. There he is sitting in the chair, scrolling through his phone. I take a breath and step where I can’t see him. I quickly dress and step back out. He is still there. He looks up and smiles as he stands holding his hand out for me to take. I rush over and take his hand. He doesn’t laugh or act annoyed with me. He simply gives my hand a small squeeze and starts walking towards the kitchen.

The staff must have made breakfast this morning since the table is covered with food. Laim takes a seat in his normal spot instead of pulling out my chair for him. At first, I’m confused, but then he pulls me to his lap. I’m stiff at first but when Liam just starts making a plate like it’s no big deal I start to relax. I relax even more when he feeds me. I don’t know why it does, but it makes me feel cared for. In the beginning when he fed me it was to show me the food wasn’t poison, I don’t know when that changed to something else, something more but it has. I don’t fight him on it. With one arm banded around my waist the other holding a bite of omelet to my lips I feel secure, cared for and that feeling of love is there again too. I don’t say anything to scared that if I do, I will find myself still asleep and dreaming everything up. I don’t know if I could take that. It would be a cruel joke either God above or Devil below, one I don’t know I would survive.