Chapter 94 Searching for Axel
LISA
As I watched Axel storm off without dignifying my response with a reply, the guilt that had been tugging at my heart enveloped me in a wicked and unwelcome embrace. He must've been put off by my hesitation after he'd asked me why I didn't kill him as I did with my other victims.
I had no idea exactly what had been running through his mind as I struggled to form a reasonable response, but I'm certain it must've ticked him off. Most especially because he'd been trying to keep calm while I spoke of my betrayal like it wasn't the worst thing I'd ever done in my entire life.
As guilt ate me up from within, my hands trembled slightly as regret and hurt washed over me at the same time. All the emotions that wickedly threatened to tear me apart caused me to be
I knew that in a regular hostage situation, by now I should've gotten tortured to get answers out of me whether I'd eaten my meals or not. But I noticed that in the last two days since we'd arrived he'd not laid his hands on me and I wasn't being treated like a prisoner in the real sense.
I mean, he'd provided me with a comfortable bed in a dimly lit room that was also well-ventilated, it wasn't much to look at but it definitely was comfortable. I should've been bound and exposed to uncomfortable conditions like a hostage would, but that wasn't the case here.
It led a part of me to think that he might still be harboring feelings for me and that's why he's been caring for me despite being angry. I knew that he was ruthless with traitors so I couldn't help but wonder why he kept treating me differently, almost like a house guest.
I believed that he must've been trying to stall, torturing me because he wasn't able to. In a different scenario, I would've seen it as flattering but now. I knew that such feelings wouldn't get him anywhere about retrieving his lost shipment.
If he kept stalling and didn't punish me in some way, I was certain that my father wouldn't take any of his demands seriously which means that he might never recover the shipment from my father. I didn't want that to happen, he shouldn't have to suffer any further because of me.
At that point, I knew what I had to do- I needed to speak to him and ensure that he did what was expected of him. I stood up from the bed with a renewed determination, I was hell-bent on pissing him off until he got angry enough to torture me and show my father proved that he harmed me.
I stormed out of the room to find Axel with my new resolution ringing in the back of my mind as I walked through the hallways. The house was mostly void of people so it was easy to walk into rooms without being questioned or bothered by anyone.
I checked through the room after room, but I couldn't seem to find Axel anywhere. I didn't want my determination to die down so I refused to back down just yet. I went ahead to check through all the rooms one last time just to be sure, but he still wasn't anywhere to be found.
At this point, I'd lost hope and I was considering walking back to my room in defeat. Fortunately, as I dragged my feet through the halls I ran into someone that was dressed as a maid, and I knew I had to ask her if she knew his whereabouts.
"Excuse me, miss. Do you know where the boss is?" I didn't want to refer to him informally so that she'd assume that I worked for him and had business to report of some sort. "Yes, miss. He's in the training room, just go downstairs and you'll enter the third door on your left." She responded kindly and went ahead to offer me a detailed description. "Thank you so much" I smiled at her softly and she returned it with a polite nod before she walked off.
I was grateful that I'd run into her just before I lost hope completely, I quickly found the stairs and took them to find the training room. As I walked past the first door, I could already hear his voice resonating through the room where he was and I increased my pace.
When I finally found him, the words that left his lips while he was on the phone made me freeze in the spot where I was at the door. He had just sworn that he couldn't bear to hurt me, which confirmed my suspicions.
But this realization didn't make me want to anger him into hurting me, it made me want to fall at his feet and kiss them to show how truly sorry I was. I had no idea that he still felt so deeply for me, it made my heart rip that I was the reason for his pain and confusion at a critical time like this.
I couldn't bear the thought of him hating me as I thought he already did, and I hated myself so much for betraying him. This made hearing him affirm his feelings for me so unreal, it was as though I was having an out-of-body experience as I heard him speak of me that way.
I clasped my mouth shut to stop the gasp that would've escaped as I struggled to process everything he'd said. After weeks of battling my emotions, I'd somehow picked my family over him and here he was saying that he'd pick me over his family in a heartbeat, I felt like a fucking idiot for what I'd done to him.
There was an overwhelming urge on my part to run into his arms and pull him into an embrace, I wished I could tell him how much every moment we shared meant to me and make everything right. I wanted to rewind time so I'd never have to watch the man I love endure this much pain.
How on earth could I possibly ease all the pain I'd caused him? I figured that he must've been here airing his frustration because he still had his training gloves on. I knew that the easiest way for him to work through his emotions was with a punching bag, and it truly saddened me that I was the cause of his frustration this time around.
I stood transfixed in the spot where I'd been at the door while listening to his conversation and after he'd found a way around the issue at hand, the call finally came to an end. As soon as he tucked his phone back into his pocket, I watched his eyes scan around the room in confusion until they finally landed on me in the doorway.
He barely spared me a second glance or a worthwhile expression before he walked towards the door and tried to walk past me like I wasn't there. I quickly pulled myself together and grabbed his arm just before he walked past me and I felt him tense under my touch.
"Can we talk? Please?" I asked in an uncertain tone because I didn't know what reaction to expect, I didn't even know what I'd say if he'd agreed to talk- but that was unlikely.
"No, I don't have anything to say to you. Let go" He replied angrily and shrugged my hand off of his in a quick motion that I didn't anticipate.
I quickly stepped in front of him to stop him from walking out on me, my heart was in my mouth at the same time because I was most likely pissing him off by doing so. But, I stood my ground anyways, I just badly needed to get through to him and I'd take my chances despite his anger.
"I'm so sorry. I really am, I'm terribly sorry and I should've said so sooner." I began apologizing as my eyes watered slowly because I had no idea what to say, but I knew that I was truly sorry for everything I'd put him through.
"What for?" He asked coldly as he tried to look anywhere but at me, he probably didn't want my emotional state to affect him when he was trying to stand his ground.
"No really- what exactly are you sorry for Lisa? For playing me all along or for sabotaging a mission you knew meant a lot to me??" He asked again, his tone remained calm but I could hear how angry he'd become with every word.
"Or wait- is it making me a laughing stock? What could you possibly be sorry for?" A sarcastic laughter left his lips and a wicked chill ran through me as it did.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mea-." I started but he cut me off midway.
"Oh- could it be for treating me like garbage while I was fucking bleeding from an accident??" He asked and every single scene from the night I'd betrayed him flashed in my head, tripling my guilt. "For saying that everything we shared didn't mean shit to you? For using me like a pawn in your games?" He ran his hands through his hair in frustration as he spoke and I had no idea how I'd possibly turn this around.
"For all of it, I swear. I'm so so sorry, you have believe me." I struggled to keep my voice from breaking as racked my head for what to say.
"I'm so sorry that I lied to you, I really am. Everything I said back in the room and on that night, all of that was a lie." I'd been trying to hold back my tears but I'd failed, I teared up as every word left my lips.
As soon as I'd finished speaking, I noticed that his eyes had met mine momentarily and I swear that I saw a glint of hope in them before they turned dark with anger. I wanted to pull him into an embrace, but I knew that I had no right to.
"None of it was true, please believe me" I begged some more because at that point, that's all I could do.