Chapter 93 The weight of love
Axel's POV
As soon as I walked out of the room where she'd been in, I headed straight for the training room because I felt the weight of conflicting emotions in my heart. It made me angry that she still had an effect on me despite her betrayal and I just needed to let out some steam before I took out my anger on someone else.
I walked in long and impatient strides and reached the training room in no time. As soon as I walked in I went straight for the punching bags where I usually found solace in times like these. I put on some gloves hurriedly because I needed to let out my frustration badly before it consumed me.
The moment I started hitting the punching bags, my emotions were in a whirlwind and I punched even harder because I knew I was about to relive memories that were hard for me to get past. I shut my eyes and took a better stance while I kept hitting the punching bag angrily, in a bid to relax.
The harder I hit the punching bags, the closer I drew to the memories that had made me uneasy and triggered chaotic emotions within me. It was that particular question Lisa had asked me, she'd looked at me with those doe eyes and I had to stop myself from drawing her in for a tight hug.
She'd asked why feeding her was a priority for me rather than having her tortured, in that moment I didn't know the answer to that question but I ascribed it to the fact that I always fed my prisoners and she wasn't special. That's what I badly wanted to believe was true, but deep down I knew it wasn't.
There's no place in the universe where I'd ever be able to cause harm to her, despite how much she'd hurt me and how she was causing me so much turmoil even now. But why did I really focus on her feeding rather than torturing her as I'd planned to?
It's mostly because I'm still very much in love with her, I never stopped loving her and I didn't think I was capable of ever stopping. The only reason why it still hurts me that she's used me is that I love her with every single piece of my being, nothing could possibly alter my feelings for her, not even her betrayal.
I could barely stand being in the same space as her without feeling an overwhelming urge to pull her into my arms and bury her there indefinitely. The thoughts that run through my mind around her are wild as fuck, it's like I barely have any control over myself.
When I'm around her, I want her in my arms- I want to hug her dearly, fuck her silly, and keep her with me as long as eternity would allow me to. How could I ever hurt someone that made me feel that way? In a million years, I could never bring myself to harm a hair on her body, it would kill me.
Even now, I desperately want to believe that we'd somehow get past this and she'll be mine again. I want that more than I've ever wanted anything in my entire life. It hurts like hell to be with her, around her, and not be able to hold her like I'd love to, it fucking sucks and it's killing me.
I punched the bag before me even harder as I came to terms with the fact that wanting her back and assuming that we'd ever fix things was delusional. Why would the universe grant me a love so deep and electrifying if I wouldn't even get to keep it for as long as I live? Twisted fucking universe, I blamed it for my misfortune the most right now.
Again, the question she'd asked tan through my mind and I almost fucking lost my mind that she'd believed I'd torture her. I chuckled painfully at the mere thought of it, the fact that she'd even asked meant she truly believed I'd turned on her.
There's no fucking way that I'd get around to torturing her, I'd kill anyone that lay a finger on her in a heartbeat and I'd much rather burn to death than put my hands on her in any way that wasn't
affectionate or lovemaking.
"I'm a fucking Idiot," I said to myself as I swung an angry blow at the punching bag.
Lisa would truly be the end of me, after all the plans I'd made while I was fuming with fury from her betrayal- I'd just realized that I couldn't go through with any of it. I'd made promises to my family for fuck's sake, but I couldn't harm Lisa- not even for their sake.
I was truly an idiot, my one weakness had to be a woman that had my entire world in her palms and had even crushed it to bits once. I couldn't fucking wrap my head around this realization so I kept punching the bag even harder, my hands felt sore but it didn't matter to me, I just needed to vent badly.
I kept punching the bag nonstop because my anger was now directed at myself, my heart didn't know how to press pause on loving Lisa and now I had to suffer for it. A few minutes into punching and groaning angrily, my phone suddenly began vibrating in my pocket which brought me to a halt.
As soon as I noticed that the caller ID was Prince I picked up the call immediately and held the cell phone to my ear. I was breathing at an increased pace because I didn't have time to catch my breath before he called and I was certain that he must've figured out that something was up.
"What's up? Is everything good over there?" Prince asked in a concerned tone and I shut my eyes tightly to help myself regain some form of stability, and fast.
"I can't. I swear, I can't" I breathed the words into the phone because I hadn't caught my breath enough to make a better sentence. "Maybe throw some more light on that? You can't do that, Axel?" He asked calmly but I knew that he'd undoubtedly been confused by my response.
"I can't torture Lisa, it's fucking impossible. I can't even bear to hold in a way that would hurt her, it would kill me" I began explaining after I'd finally returned my breathing to a regular pattern.
"I can't do any of that, so how on earth could I ever inflict severe pain on her, you know I'd ruin anyone that ever hurt her, so how could I?" The question I'd asked was rhetorical and I sighed as we went silent because we both knew the answer.
"Despite the fact that she manipulated me and betrayed me so easily, I could never bring myself to actively hate her or cause her any harm. The thought of it alone infuriated me, man" I placed a hand on my head and rubbed it in frustration after I'd finished speaking.
"So, apparently what you feel for her is way more than you could've ever imagined? I'd say I saw this coming, but what good is that right now?" Prince chuckled and I knew he had to be enjoying the fact that he'd predicted this and I'd sworn I would be able to go through with my plans.
"Fuck you, man." I flipped him off and a peal of laughter he must've been stifling for a while erupted from his throat in response.
"I was trained to always put the mafia first, but here I am picking a woman that made a fool out of me over the mafia in a heartbeat, beats me" I sighed in frustration as I spoke because I had no idea it would be this hard to get revenge from someone that clearly fucked me over.
"That's okay, you know? You don't get to control your feelings when it comes to love, no matter how hard you might want to fight it, it's the toughest battle ever." He said reassuringly and I let out a low chuckle because I absolutely understood now.
"What's the forward now though? We still need to get the shipment back and teach Volkov a lesson he'll never forget after daring to fuck with us" Prince asked after a few seconds of silence had gone
by.
"For sure, he's not getting off easy and that shipment will return to us in mint condition, that's undebatable" I responded, I knew that our initial plan was to emotionally blackmail him by torturing Lisa but now we'd need to tweak it a little. "Okay, what's on your mind then?" Prince asked again and I knew he would most likely be brainstorming just as I was.
"So- we're going to stick to the old plan, it was truly perfect. The only problem is that we'd have to find a replacement for what should've been Lisa's body parts" I explained immediately after the idea hit me, all we needed was to make sure that he'd be convinced that Lisa was being tortured and maimed.
"Brilliant! You know I always bring your top-notch ideas to life, so leave that to me, I'll worry about that and make it happen" His intonation had peaked a little and I knew was because we seemed to
be getting ahead despite the little hitch.
"Great, as long as we can convince him that the body parts belong to Lisa, we're golden on every other front" I replied, part of me was genuinely grateful that he always had my back.
"I can find a great match that fits her bodily descriptions, but what if he's hung up on the fact that you wouldn't hurt her?" He asked in a bid to tie up loose ends in our new plan.
"I thought of that, yeah. How'd you suppose he'd figure out that it wasn't her though?" I knew he must've had a few ideas up his sleeve concerning that since he brought it up. "Well, we can't rule out the fact that he could decide to conduct a DNA test to be certain if it was hers or not" Immediately he said that, I sucked in a sharp breath because I hadn't considered that yet. "Fuck, good thinking. How long does it take to get a DNA match from a lab though? I know those take a while" I fondled with my gloves as I waited for his reply. "Give me a minute, I can give you an estimate but I'd like my assistant to confirm so that we're certain," He said and put the call on hold for a few minutes while I waited patiently.
"Sorry, it took a while. We were able to reach out to the lab attendants in one of the laboratories we own, and she confirmed that it would take exactly 12 hours" He said while I could hear keyboard
sounds on his end, he was probably editing the plan's layout.
"That's a lot of time if we play our cards right, I'm certain that we can push him past his limits and get him to succumb to our demands before the DNA tests results reach him," I said in a serious tone as my mind mapped out a new course of action.
"He's a very impatient man, I'm certain he wouldn't be able to sit idly and wait for 12 hours to go by" Prince had obviously done his research as usual, and we made sure we knew our enemies'
weaknesses.
"We can drive him crazy by sending different body parts to his doorstep every now and then, he's like a ticking bomb so he'll definitely lose his mind before the 12th-hour mark," I said as everything fell
into place in my head.
"What do you say we send him a new body part every 45 minutes?" Prince chuckled at the suggestion he'd raised.
"That's fucking perfect, he'll barely have enough time to catch his breath before another reaches his doorstep- Let's do that!" I replied agreeably to show him that I was fully on board with his
suggestion.
"Great, I'll get to work then, we're already running out of time," Prince responded in a serious tone and I truly understood his concern for time.
"Yeah, you do that. I'm sure we'll have this sorted out soon. Please keep me updated every step of the way" I replied in an equally serious tone and ended the call.
As soon as I did so, I felt as though eyes were peering at me and I began searching around the training area with my eyes. In no time, I turned around to see that Lisa was standing at the door and
watching me wide-eyed.
Are you fucking kidding me? I thought to myself.