Chapter Forty-Five

I took a shuddering breath as I climbed the wall, the wind whipping around me bitterly. It nipped at my wet cheeks and the tip of my nose. My head throbbed and my red, puffy eyes stung from the tears that hadn’t relented even when I thought I had nothing else left to cry out. I kept my left hand on the pillar to steady my trembling form as I peered down over the edge of the bridge.

The water below was as a black as the night sky but I could still see the water moving at speed, smooth as silk but never static. It swirled like an empty abyss. It wasn't inviting me to it like I thought it would. I had imagined that the ribbon of icy water would call to me and make this easier but it too was repulsed by me and didn't want me to enter its frigid depths and thus taint it with my disgusting being.

In truth I didn't want to do this either. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live my life but I couldn't face another day living in this hell. My head hurt, my lungs hurt and my heart hurt. Every bruise throbbed, my swollen lip stung even though the bleeding had stopped sometime ago.

Most girls my age would be preparing for college, spending summer breaks and weekends with friends or earning money at a job. They would have dreams of meeting the love of their life and maybe starting a family. I had those dreams too once but little by little they were crushed. My friends were torn away from me, my self-confidence and self-esteem destroyed until all that was left was a submissive shell, a walking punch bag for Noah Winters to use and abuse.

He was systematically taking everything from me. He isolated me so I had no one to turn to, he ripped my self-belief to shreds and now he was targeting my dignity and body. I could still feel his fingers running over my stomach and ribs like spiders right before they dug into my bruised sides, making me cry out in pain. I had seen the look in his black eyes when he had done it, the sick and perverse pleasure he was taking from violating and hurting me. My sobbing and begging was like a drug to him. I could see him growing high on it, relishing it. He wanted more until it became the only thing he had and cared for.

My misery was his obsession.

The bitter coldness was starting to numb my fingers and toes. I don't know how long I stood on the edge of the bridge, trying to convince myself to just let go but the battle raged on in my head. What would my brother think? How would he deal with me being gone? Would he understand why I was doing this?

I could still hear Noah's voice in my head taunting me, degrading me, reducing me to nothing.

*You're disgusting.

You're so worthless even your brother can't stand to be around you.

I'm going to enjoy taking everything from you.

I own you, Ellie. *

I shuddered like a snowdrop in the wind, my stomach churning and rolling as I remembered how his eyes left mine and had traveled down, roaming over me. It wasn't an attraction that I saw. In fact, I’m not sure what it was but it had been something cold and dark. It had been so primal and inhumane that I had felt the cold fingers of fear grip my chest tighter than ever before. I knew at that moment he wouldn't stop until he had humiliated me in the ultimate way.

"I'd rather die." I whispered to myself, finding that piece of reasoning I needed to peel my fingers away from the pillar and let the wind push me into the abyss.

I felt the wind push me and then suddenly something wrap around my body, pulling me back and onto the cold hard concrete of the sidewalk. I cried out as pain burst through my hip and wrist that took the brunt of the landing, my body trembling under the weight over another body.

“What the fuck, Ellie!” Kyle was practically screaming, his eyes wide as he glared down at me. “Were you trying to get yourself killed?”

“Get off me Kyle!” I cried, shoving against his chest. “Let me go!”

“No fucking way!” He growled, gripping my hands to contain my struggles. “What the hell is wrong with you? You were trying to kill yourself!”

“Leave me alone!” I screamed.

My body convulsed with my sobs, shuddering breaths being drawn into my aching lungs. I felt the dam break within me. The wall that had been holding back all those dark and ugly feelings was now destroyed and utter desperation and despair flooded into me like poison. I just let it out. I was too tired to fight it, I was too tired to fight anything. I just wanted to close my eyes and never wake up. I couldn’t fight this anymore, not when I knew what Noah had over me.

“Ellie…” Kyle’s voice was laced with sadness and worry. I didn’t fight him when he pulled me up as he pulled me into a tight embrace. “It’s going to be okay. Whatever it is, we’ll get through this.”

I didn’t answer him, my vision blinded by my tears. I didn’t have the energy to argue or agree.

We remained there for what felt like forever, the cold night air biting at our extremities. Kyle didn’t complain though, he simply held me as I cried. Only when I finally calmed down, too tired to cry anymore, did Kyle encourage me to get up. I felt like a zombie as he led me home, neither of us speaking and yet Kyle’s supportive arm around my waist never let up. I was grateful for the warmth inside the house when we finally got in. The silence was tense and awkward as Kyle helped me out of my coat and led me to the couch in the living room. I could hear him moving around the kitchen and talking but I couldn’t tell if he was talking to himself or to me and I didn’t really have the energy to find out.

He returned with a mug of hot tea and a first aid kit, setting them on the coffee table before pulling my hands to him. It was only now that I saw my palms were scratched up. They had only just healed from the last time as well, so when Kyle began to clean them, they felt like he was pouring acid on the already raw skin. I hissed but didn’t move away, refusing to meet Kyle’s gaze when he glanced at me occasionally.

“What happened, El?” He finally asked, his voice soft.

I shook my head, my vision blurring as more tears filled my vision. I had a splitting headache and I was starting to feel sick from the pain. I just wanted to lie down in a dark room and just let the world pass me by.

“Ellie, please…” Kyle urged. “What happened?”

I sighed, closing my eyes, the tears rolling down my cheeks. With how much I had cried I was surprised my tears hadn’t left permanent marks on my face.

“Is it because of Noah?”

I opened my eyes to look at Kyle, his blue eyes watching me with worry. I couldn’t find my voice so I just nodded. I was too tired to explain anything. Kyle cursed softly but much to my relief he didn’t say anything else. Silence settled between us as Kyle cleaned my hands before taking away the rubbish. I closed my eyes once he was gone, trying to ignore the dizzy sensation thanks to my pounding head. I’m not sure how long I was there before the door burst open, making me jump.

“Where is she?” Aiden’s voice boomed, his blue eyes landing on me a few seconds later before his features hardened. He was relieved to see but I could see the hurt and anger building. “Ellie…”

I flinched as he stalked towards me, my eyes widening at the determination in his eyes. Aiden hooked his arms under me and he lifted me up bridal style, clutching me to his chest. I whimpered from the pain throbbing throughout my body but didn’t push him away. I could feel the rage rolling off of him and I didn’t think my head could handle any shouting. His possessiveness was pulsing through his muscles, his heart thundering in his chest.

I spotted Kyle standing in the doorway to the kitchen watching us. So he hadn’t been talking to me or himself. He had called Aiden. I felt a flash of anger heat my blood. I felt betrayed and Kyle seemed to know it because he looked away the moment our eyes met.

“Thanks Kyle, I’ll take it from here.” Aiden’s deep voice vibrated in his chest.

“Sure thing.” Kyle nodded, glancing between the two of us. “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thanks.” Aiden replied before carrying me towards the stairs.