Chapter 16 Chapter 16
Derek's POV
I try not to let it show, but Ellie killing herself crushed me. I did love her, but I wasn't in love with her, not like I was with Anna. I closed myself off, but I know Anna noticed. She got really quiet, which worried me. She also got really withdrawn and barely ate again. She went quieter than usual.
I found her sitting in her rocking chair staring off into the yard watching the squirrels. I went quiet, and she noticed. The looks she gave said it all because she looked at me like I broke her heart all over again. When she went into labor, she called Wesley and had him tell me. She wouldn't even tell me herself; when he told me, he shook his head, looking disappointed.
"You're doing good, Anna; one more push," the pack doctor said. She listened to him, but I could tell she wanted to get away from my touch.
"Okay," she gasped, then pushed hard. I encouraged her, but the look was one I saw when she was giving up to die. Once our son was placed in her arms, she smiled at him and kissed him. I was so happy that I kissed her head, but her smile wouldn't reach those beautiful green eyes. It didn't reach her face, and it was fake. She looked broken once again because I didn't communicate right with her.
"You did good, little one," I said, kissing her head again. She just cringed, and my wolf sighed.
"Thank you, Derek," she said, watching our little man yawn. When they took him for shots, she looked sad. She didn't even want to be alone with me.
"Angel, I'm sorry," I offered. She just shrugged and looked away.
"It's okay," she murmured softly. No, the fuck it isn't okay. "Derek, look at her," Aiden hissed.
"No, it isn't. I hurt you, and for that I'm sorry," I said, watching her face. She averted it more so the pain we saw wasn't shown to us.
"It's fine, Derek. I know how important she was to you, so it's okay," she said, shifting and wincing in pain. I helped her get up and took her to the bathroom so she could clean up. She looked sexy as hell, but the doc said no sex for six weeks, so I will contain myself. She pulled away more.
"Look, angel, I'm sorry. I just feel guilty because she thought the only way out was to end it. I loved her, but I'm in love with you, and I always will be." I love you, little one. I love you a lot," I said, kissing her lips. I tasted tears and felt like shit. I made her feel unwanted and unloved. Her tears ate at me so much I wanted to cry with her.
"I love you, Derek, and I am truly sorry," she said, hugging me. I just held her and rubbed her back. She showered with me watching, and I felt my cock rise. I wanted her badly, but that could wait. She needed me to put her first, and I will.
She blushed, turning to find me staring at her body. I winked, and that fucking adorable giggle made my day. I helped her dress and then took over brushing her long silky hair. I kissed her lips as I carried her out to bed and tucked her in. I placed her down easily, distracting her with kisses because I knew birth hurt like a bitch. Anna did well, and she didn't scream or cry. Most she-wolves flipped out during birth, but not my Anna. "My strong little mate," my wolf murmured.
"See, that right there is how you two got the first one," her dad says, making her jump.
"Daddy," she said sweetly as he walked up smiling at her. He didn't care much for me because of all the pain I put her through.
"Hey baby cakes, we came to see our grandchild," he said, kissing her head after I moved. He held her and rubbed her back. He fixed her blanket and kissed her head before letting his mate go in for kisses and hugs.
"They took him for shots; he should be back soon," I said, kissing her lips again. She was mine. I could do what I wanted. Before it could get awkward, our son came wrapped in a blue blanket. They gave him to me, and I held my son close, kissing his face. Then I passed him to his grandfather. Her dad smiled so big and looked at our pup in awe.
He smiled at me before focusing on my son. Her mom gushed at him, and I got in bed with my mate. I put her in my lap, and we snuggled while her parents cared for our boy. She smiled so big at our boy, and I hope someday I get that same big smile.
After they left, I put him in the crib and crawled in with Anna. I needed sleep, and being near her helped. I drifted off only to dream of Ellie and our time together. Fuck, this isn't good. I should not be dreaming about her.
I woke up gasping for air and got up. Why am I dreaming of her when I have the woman I want?
Maybe the guilt of not being able to help her was getting to me. "No," Aiden growled. I told you that it can be trouble being with that bitch, but you insisted she was the love of your life. Stop thinking about her and focus on Anna. "Fuck that nasty bitch and her ugly self," he added. Aiden always hated Ellie, and when I was with her, he blocked me out. Now he just wanted Anna and didn't care that Ellie killed herself. He only cared for Anna, and I couldn't blame him; she was incredible.
I sat in a chair by Anna's bed, knowing I wouldn't sleep anymore tonight. I can't keep this up because I was just hurting Anna with it all. Ellie does not matter anymore, and she never will. My sweet Anna and our pup are all that I want and will always want.