Chapter 4

As I grew,my dad’s drinking intensified into a daily occurrence,and the abuse my mom suffered at his hands became harder for her to hide.I hated being home,but it also tore me up to leave my mom and sister alone with him.My dad had never been physical with me or my sister,but he had ratcheted up his verbal abuse each year until he was a master at it.He was famous for giving us a compliment that was really an insult.One of his personal favorites for me was“You look nice.Is that your sister’s shirt?”This was a dig at my small stature,and his way of telling me he thought I looked feminine.I think I handled it pretty well,but I was worried about my sister.He was destroying her self-confidence.I could see the pain in her eyes.I wondered why my mom stayed with him—surely she didn’t love him,did she?Truthfully,I wasn’t sure my mom had the ability to leave him.I believe,in her mind,she felt trapped.

I tried to stick up for her a few times over the years,but she literally begged me to stop.She was so in fear he would kill me that she made me promise to let her handle it.There would come a day I would rescue my mom and sister and get them away from him.Deep in my heart,I was certain of this.It had become my mission.It was one of the reasons I worked so hard in school.I needed to get good grades and go to college so I could have a career that would allow me to take care of my family.

My goal was growing closer.High school graduation was only two months away,then off to community college next fall.I would have loved to go away to college,like Jeff planned,but I couldn’t leave my mom alone…

I sighed as my mind drifted back to the present just in time to see Russell Adams kiss Deidre again and squeeze her ass.Ugh,why did I have to see that?Why couldn’t he be attracted to men?

“Aaron!”

I watched as Deidre practically climbed onto Russell’s lap,grinding against him.Damn,where were the teachers?Did they have spring break fever,too?I watched a little longer,imagining it was me straddling those big,thick thighs…

“Aaron?Are you okay?”

I finally realized someone was speaking to me.Crap.It was Jeff.How long had he been here?Had he seen me staring at Russell?

“Hey,”I offered,trying to act nonchalant.

His eyebrows raised as he looked at me and slid into the seat on my right.“I’ve been saying your name for a whole minute,dude.What were you staring at?”He glanced around the lunch room before bringing his gaze back to mine.

Had I ever noticed the blueness of his eyes?Icy blue.Surely I had noticed the darker flecks before,right?

“Aaron?”Jeff quizzically cocked his head.

What the hell was wrong with me today?“Sorry.Just tired.Uh,I was…was watching Deidre practically humping Russell over there.”

Please believe me.

He scanned the room until he saw them.“Oh,yeah,they’re putting on quite the show,aren’t they?”His cheeks pinked as he turned back to me.“So,you need a ride to work tonight?Or is your piece-of-shit car working?”One corner of his mouth quirked up as he watched for my reaction.

“Ha-ha,funny man,”I replied,rolling my eyes.Making fun of my car was one of his favorite things to do.“My car is awesome and you know it.You’re just jealous!”

He laughed.“Whatever,Aaron.”

Unfortunately,he was kind of right.As much as I loved my 1995 Saturn,it was always breaking down.Last night it had died on me again.And God,did I hate admitting that.“But,uh,yeah…my car isn’t working,”I said sheepishly as I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes.“Can you give me a lift tonight?”

He didn’t even try to hide his smirk.“Sure.Need a lift home from school,too?”

“That’d be great.”

Jeff and I had part-time jobs at the local movie theater.It was a fun job and we were able to see movies for free anytime we wanted,which we took advantage of as much as possible.It sucked that we almost always had to work Friday and Saturday nights,but at least we were together.This weekend we had to work only Friday,though.

“Seriously,man,you need to look at another car,”Jeff began,jumping in with his weekly“get a new car”pitch.

“I can’t,”I said,trying to tamp down the irritation in my voice.“You know that,Jeff.I have to save for college.”

“I get it.But since I’ll be over two hours away at Central Kansas State University,what are you going to do if your car breaks down again?”

My stomach did a little flip-flop I didn’t want to examine right then.The same thing always happened when he talked about college next fall.“Hey,pretty soon,when I have enough saved,I’ll put some of it into the car and get it fixed.Don’t worry about me.”I waved my hand.

“But I doworry,Aaron,”he said,staring into my eyes.Huh…there went that flip-flop again.

“Hi,Jeff!Got any plans tonight?”

We both jumped at Lily’s question,our weird little moment broken.The petite redhead parked herself in the seat directly in front of Jeff.Her lips were bright—almost neon—pink today.She had a collection of lipsticks that ran the gamut from peach to hot pink to red.I swear I saw her with deep purple lips the other day,too.She watched Jeff with her pretty green eyes as if she’d rather devour him for lunch instead of the pitiful peanut butter sandwich on her tray.

“Uh,gotta work tonight,”he muttered,looking at his hands.

I knew how much he hated when Lily cornered him.I wasn’t sure what he had against her.I mean,even Icould tell she was cute.Good figure.Sweet.Not the brightest in our class,but she worked hard on her assignments.She’d made her interest in Jeff known over the last few months,but it was obvious he didn’t want to go out with her.I had tried to talk him into it for a few weeks until he shut me down.Said he liked someone else and to leave it at that.

Of course,I couldn’t drop it,though.When I’d found out Jeff had a crush on someone,I was like a dog with a bone—determined to find out who had finallycaptured his attention.I had hounded him to tell me who he liked.Nope.He hadn’t budged.

I knew his shyness,but I wished he would realize he wasn’t that gangly little guy with glasses anymore.No,he certainly was not,I thought,as I watched him talking politely,but stiltedly,to Lily.Last summer,he had grown several inches to at least six-four,if not an inch or two more.He had taken up working out and was more muscular than I had ever seen him.Not massive like Russell Adams,but he had definitely filled out.He kept his dark brown hair trimmed,but still shaggy enough that the ends curled around his ears and neck.I was secretly glad he kept some of the length.It fit him.Once he’d traded in his glasses for contact lenses and started shaving on a daily basis,well,let’s just say he was definitely not a geek anymore.

Nope,definitely not.