Chapter 3

“Aaron!”

I heard the shout from across the field and turned to find out who was calling.I beamed immediately,wildly waving my arm in the air.It was Jason!I started to run toward him,but remembered my dad had wanted me to wait,and with the mood he was in,I wasn’t about to push my limits.I gave Jason another big wave,and he waved back as he began making his way toward us.

My family finally headed that way and we reached him in about a minute.He and my parents exchanged quick pleasantries,then he excitedly grabbed my arm.“They rented a bounce house!Come on!”

I looked at my parents,knowing my dad would want to appear as the good-natured dad,and waited until he nodded his permission,so Jason and I took off as fast as we could toward the large inflatable house in the side yard.It was awesome.Bright stripes of blue,green,and red puffed out around the mesh windows and I couldn’t wait to get inside.

Jason grinned and grabbed my arm again,pulling me to the entrance.We were the only ones there,so we toed off our shoes,climbed in,and immediately started jumping and goofing around.It was as if we had never been apart.We rolled around.We summersaulted.We basically acted like five-year-olds on a sugar-high,laughing ourselves silly until we both collapsed.Suddenly,with both of our weights on one side,we started rolling into the crevice between the blown-up floor and the mesh wall until we were wedged in pretty tight,with my body under his.

I was about to shove him off when he smiled shyly at me,his cheeks pinking.I froze.My skin tingled and I couldn’t help but notice his full pink lips only a few inches away.I instinctively licked my lips as I heard laughter outside the bounce house.Jason just stared at me with his big brown eyes,and it was as if a lightbulb literally flicked on in my brain,shining into the darkness,illuminating all those secret questions I held inside.It was all so clear to me.I suddenly knew why I didn’t like girls.I mean,how could I when boys were so much cuter?

Jason leaned in and timidly brushed his lips against mine.Oh.My.God!Electricity jolted through me and my body came to life as never before.It had been only a soft,gentle,barely-there kind of kiss,but it was enough to change my life.(“Clue#2”completes the puzzle for me.)

Jason pulled back,looking a little flushed.Neither of us moved for a moment,our eyes unable to look away.

At least until I heard my sister calling my name.

“Uh…”I tried to speak.Wow,l was so eloquent at that point in my life.

He nodded.“Yeah,umm,okay.”

We pulled ourselves out of the tight spot and headed out to find our families.

The rest of the day was a blur,but somehow I knew whyI’d always felt different.It was as if a curtain had lifted and I could finally see myself for the first time.The revelation brought both joy and fear,and I spent the rest of the day in a fog.I knew if my dad found out,he would kill me.Literally.He hated“fags,”as he called them.

That day changed my life.My pseudo-cousin and I never spoke about it,but we also hadn’t seen each other since the family reunion.I often wondered if he had the same reaction I did.

Life went on,though,and the following week I started seventh grade.I didn’t dare share my new discovery with anyone.I was still letting this information settle inside and I wasn’t sure of the protocol.Keeping it a secret was necessary,though,for several reasons.My dad’s anger was at the top of that list.Also,I wasn’t sure who to trust.I mean,what would my friends think?

Although,that year I had been placed in what they called the“gifted program,”which meant I barely saw any of my old friends.I was pretty bummed about it until the second week of classes,when Jeff walked into my first period.I had been fiddling with my backpack,not really paying attention to the rest of the students shuffling in,when I heard someone clear their throat.

I glanced up and my breath hitched.There before me stood a tall,gangly boy with curly dark brown hair and a pair of icy blue eyes staring right at me.He wore some pretty hideous glasses way too big for his face and I watched,fascinated,as he used his index finger to slide them up his nose.That’s when I noticed the smattering of freckles across his pale skin.Something primal,something I had never felt before,licked at my gut.I felt disoriented as we made eye contact.And if I needed a“Clue#3,”there it was.

He broke our gaze and stared at his shoes.“Hi,I’m Jeff Leaton,”he sort of mumbled,shuffling his feet.

“Aaron Pickard,”I offered,waiting for him to go on.

“This is my first day.”

Obviously,I thought,but didn’t want to make him feel stupid,so I said nothing.

“Umm,are there assigned seats in here?”

“Nope.Sit wherever you want.”I swept out my arm.

He gave me a shy smile and slid into the desk next to me.The odd sensation in my gut intensified and I couldn’t take my eyes off his lips.They were so…perfect.They looked soft.I stared for a moment,forgetting myself before I caught what I was doing and tore away my gaze.

I returned his shy smile and that was it.We were instant friends.Within weeks,we were best friends.Whatever I had felt at our first meeting had subsided and we bonded over our non-muscular frames,our love of soccer,all things Star Trek,and our desire to make good grades and go to college.We shared our hopes and dreams with each other,something I had never done with any of my previous friends.It was so easy to open up to him;I never felt the slightest bit of judgment or condescension no matter what I told him.

But I didn’t share my big secret with him.I wasn’t ready to confront it myself,let alone talk about it with my best friend.Deep down in my heart,I thought he would be able to handle me being gay,but I just never felt ready to bring it up.

Somehow the years had rolled by and I still hadn’t told him.I didn’t date anyone in high school and he would sometimes ask me why I never asked out a girl,but I let him think it was because I was too shy.It wasn’t a total lie—I wastimid around people sometimes.But I wasn’t sure he totally bought it because I never acted apprehensive around girls—it was only boys I would be shy around.

One day,I pointed out to him that he never dated either.He laughed and called us“The Two‘Too Shy’Musketeers.”Dorky,but it worked for us.

Over the years,we spent more weekends together than I could count at his house,but I never reciprocated.Not even once.That was another big secret to hide.I was too ashamed to have him see how my dad treated us,although it was impossible to hide completely.Occasionally,Jeff would hang out at my house after school or for an evening if I knew my dad would be out,but I never invited him to sleep over.Nights were too unpredictable at my house.Jeff never asked me why I didn’t invite him to stay,which led me to believe he probably knew,but was too kind to bring it up.It had become an unspoken understanding between us.