Chapter 234 Would you fall in love with me again?
Chapter 234 Would you fall in love with me again?
CHAPTER 234
Would you fall in love with me again?
ROMAN
Her mouth parts in surprise, and hurt floods her face, “R … Roman.”
I clench my jaw hard, feeling her hurt fill me. Fuck. Why are we even having this conversation?
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I did not mean it. I’m sorry. We can talk about it later.” I reach for her, taking her hands with my trembling ones.
She leads me to a seat under a tree. I intend to build a swing here for our daughter or son. I don’t care about the gender. I just want a happy wife and a healthy baby.
“We need to talk about this, or it will eat us from within. I’m probably going to cry, but that is not on you, baby. I’m going to cry because I am pregnant, exhausted, and miss you so much. I won’t be able to rest until we have this conversation. I don’t want it hanging over our heads for the rest of our lives, so please, talk to me. Tell me how much I hurt you so I can fix my mistakes. Tell me what I did, Roman.” She holds my hands tight, eyes shiny with tears.
The knot in my throat expands, and I inhale slowly. I can feel every cut and hurt on my body, but nothing compares to her. She is my bleeding heart and my bruised soul. She is everything to me, and I cannot understand how a marriage contract led me here.
“Roman,” she begs, and I nod.
“It hurt me when you left because you have always been eager to leave me.” I exhale deeply. “Do not get me wrong. I understand that you have been through hell. I understand that you had to change your name often and couldn’t even grieve your parents. It is unfair and cruel to you. I know that you carry so much anger and grief. I know that I wasn’t even deserving of being loved by you. I was nothing but a greedy billionaire, ready to do whatever to get more money. I wasn’t worthy.”
“Don’t say that.” She whispers, cupping my cheeks, tears spilling.
“It is the truth. I never want to lie to you. I am just trying to let you know that I understand why you kept so much from me, but, along the line, I fell headfirst into you. I lost my sense of everything and couldn’t stop wondering whether you loved me the same. You always kept a part of yourself away from me, just out of my reach forever. I couldn’t love you enough. How could I love someone I didn’t know? So when you gave yourself up to Emiliano without thinking about me, it … hardened something in me.” I confess quietly, trying not to hurt her feelings.
She bites her lip hard and nods, “You’re right. I … I didn’t know how to be Scarlett, how to be your Scarlett. I had worn so many faces and been so many people that it felt strange that someone wanted me to stay. I am so sorry, Roman. I loved you, and it scared me. I lived in a state of perpetual fear. I knew you would discover my secrets eventually. I didn’t know what to do or how to tell you. What was I supposed to say? Should I have come to you and say, ‘Hi, Roman, my name is actually Rosalina Diaz, and I am the daughter of Rafael and Sofia Diaz.’ The truth is, with you, I wasn’t Rosalina. I was Scarlett. I was yours.”
“Then, why did you leave? Why did you leave me, Scarlett?” I rasp, my lungs raw.
“Because I wanted to fix my past. I cannot have a future with you if my past is still hanging over our heads. Our past because that monster took people we loved from us. I left because I wanted to give us a real chance. I made a lot of mistakes, and I am very sorry about that. I shouldn’t have left you. I will never leave you. Please don’t doubt my love for you anymore. I love you.” She places her palm on my chest. “I love you so much that it hurts.”
I wanted her to love me, and now that she does, she doesn’t know me.
I stand up, feeling the past weeks weigh heavily on me.
“You wouldn’t love me if you knew what I have done,” I say sharply.
“What have you done? What do you think you could have done that would turn me away from you?” She stares at me, brows furrowed.
“I … I am not the man you knew. I am not your Roman anymore. I have had to … to do some things, and the worst part is that I wanted to. I shifted from having to hurt people to wanting to hurt them. I am not the man you fell in love with. I am far from the man you adore. I am not your husband, not the person you left behind, Scarlett. The businessman part of me is gone.” I grit out, my fist clenched.
“Tell me what you have done.” She urges.
I look at her, and the words spilt from me. “I have killed people, a lot of people. I have tortured them for answers, and mainly because I wanted to. I have lost my mind, Scarlett. There’s a trail of bodies behind me. I have pushed my body to the extreme. I have starved myself and trained like a machine. I have buildings on fire, listening to the cries of the people in them. I have lost my mind in ways I never knew were possible. My sanity is gone. I will not justify my actions by saying I did it for you – I did. I wanted you back, and in my search for answers, I became a monster. I have looked into the abyss long enough to become one with the darkness, and I do not trust myself anymore. I understand if you do not want to be with me. My heart is yours, my body and my soul are yours. I will be your servant forever, a gun in your hand, and it’s okay if you do not want me again. I understand if you cannot fall in love with me.”