Chapter Sixty Eight
•THREE YEARS EARLIER•
“And so what? Are you going to just do everything my father asks? Is that what this is?”
“Ada, that's enough.”
“Enough?” she barked. “It is not enough, Nikolai! You did this without my consent, you continue to make stupid decisions without involving me first.”
He turned away from her and tried to focus his attention outside the window but that was foolery. She was in front of him and she was the most enraged he had ever seen her, she was spitting fire at him.
He loved her, Nikolai knew he loved her too much and this love had turned him into an idiot. He constantly was willing to please her, he went out of his way to do things for her and she seemed to never see it, he seemed to never be able to make her happy regardless of how much he tried and it was getting frustrating.
“I am talking to you!”
“I did it for you!” he yelled, jumping out of his seat. “I did it for you, Ada.”
“No, you didn't. You think this is what I want but it isn't.”
He was dumbfounded. “Are you that blind? I am willing to merge my pack with yours.”
“Because my father asked!”
“No, I am doing it because it will make things easier for you. You are next in line to be Alpha and I understand it's not what you want, Eleanor doesn't want to be Alpha either so the pressure is back on you to make the decision. Your father proposed a pack merger and I agreed to it if only to stop the tension of making such an important decision your problem.”
She scoffed. “I don't want to be an Alpha because I wasn't born one. My father is still very much alive so the Alpha position is not hanging on the line but you are too over your head to see that.”
“He approached me and offered up a merger—”
She cut him off, “And you willingly agreed to it? You gave my father your word to merge the Night Blood pack with the Emerald pack and allow my father’s pack to dominate, are you out of your mind?”
No, he wasn't. He had done a stupid thing by not only agreeing to a pack merger but also to give Emerald pack full control of his but it didn't matter.
“The merger will happen in the case of your father’s death and I will continue to be the Alpha and you the Luna. There would be no force on you to—”
“You did this to please my father and not me, Nikolai. It's almost as though you are scared of him, you somehow always find yourself conceding to his stupid requests.”
He stopped, his stomach sinking. “What are you talking about?”
“I am talking about how this is the hundredth time you are allowing my father to influence your decision.”
“Because it involves you and I love you.”
“Well, your love is suffocating!” she exploded.
He knew, he knew quite well because he had seen it coming for a while now but still hearing the words directly from her hurt more than he could ever have prepared himself. It was like a blow to his guts; he could feel the pain ramming into his insides repeatedly, leaving him to struggle for air.
Ada wasn't letting up. “I am sick of it, Nikolai, sick of you. You do all of these silly things and allow my father to manipulate you by using me and you have no idea how irritated it makes me.”
And he saw it in her face for the first time clearly —the disdain he had been blinded to.
How could he have been so foolish?
How did he get himself into this situation?
How did he not see?
“You allowed him to convince you that mating with me was the best thing for me but you never cared if that's what I wanted…”
His voice was quiet. “I asked you.”
“Well, I lied! I lied because I thought finding something else to occupy myself with would distract me from the pain of losing the only man I've ever loved but it's been hellish, all the years with you, living in your land, and knowing Colton died here has been nothing short of horrid!”
Another blow.
“You don't mean that.”
“Well, I do! I mean every single word I said, Nikolai. It's time I stopped pretending to be your perfect, little Luna so as not to hurt your feelings. I am sick of it, sick of you, sick of our son, sick of our relationship, and I just don't understand how you can continue to live with yourself knowing Colton died because you couldn't protect him.”
“I had nothing to do with his death, he was my best friend and I cherished him.”
“Did you? He was killed because he had returned to this pack to help you overthrow your tyrant of a father even though I begged him not to and you couldn't even stop your father from killing him, really, Nikolai, whose fault is it that Colton is dead?”
They'd never spoken about Colton, he had never dared tried to bring him up with her because he figured it would be too much for her but now Nikolai regretted it. He should have, he really should have because if this was what she truly thought about it then he could only imagine the level of resentment she felt towards him all these years.
“You think I don't beat myself up every day over that? You think I am glad he is dead?”
She paused, her belittling eyes running through him.
He staggered backward. “You think I am?” It was a rhetorical question, her answer was plain enough from the way she stared at him.
“If he didn't die there's no way we’d be together, Nikolai. Sometimes I can't help but wonder if your love for me was toxic enough to…” And even for her, it seemed the words were too terrible to say.
But Nikokai didn't care, she’d hurt him already, there was nothing more she could say —or so he thought.
“What? You think I have loved you for so long perhaps I had done something to Colton just so I would have you for myself?”
“Yes, Nikolai. Did you? Because no one truly knows what happened to him in your pack and I doubt I’ll entirely be shocked if you were behind it.”
“Get out.” His voice was surprisingly calm even though he was dying on the inside.
He’d made a mistake getting mated to her.
He’d made a mistake falling in love with her.
But it ended here, it ended tonight.
“Get out of my pack, Ada.”
Surprise flashed in her eyes. “You are kicking me out? Isn't that what you've always wanted to know, you always ask what I'm thinking but I guess you can't handle it, can you?”
Was she obsessed with hurting him?
“You win, I am hurt and broken. Isn't that enough?”
She paused and took a breath. “I didn't mean… Nikolai, I never meant to hurt you, I just… Sometimes I get…”
“Get the fuck out!”
The walls shook when he screamed. “I do not want to ever see you again, I regret meeting you but I am the fool, I am the simpering bastard who gave you more than you deserve because I swear to you, Ada, the only thing you deserve is a life of agony and if you ever bring yourself before me, I promise to actively make sure you live the rest of your years in misery!”
And those would be the last words he ever uttered to her.
He’d been in too much pain to care about the fact that it was nighttime and he’d just kicked her out of his pack. Nikolai had gone down into the basement and drowned himself in alcohol until he passed out.
****
The next morning he was woken up by the Beta of his pack.
Nikolai sat up and groaned instantly, burying his face in his palm when the headache attacked him first thing.
“Alpha,” his Beta called again.
“What do you want?” he asked irritably, the events of last night were beginning to come back to him and he was starting to hate himself once more.
“The Luna…” His Beta faltered and Nikolai sensed something in his tone.
He looked up. “What is it?”
His Beta avoided his eyes when he announced. “The Luna was found dead this morning close to Emerald pack, she was attacked by rogues.”
Nikolai’s world came crashing down.
“I'm so sorry, Alpha. We tried to stop her last night but she insisted on leaving and without any companion, she’d refused to have even Lyle’s nanny go with them and…”
His son! He stood up, his eyes wide open.
He was stupid.
He was stupid.
He had singlehandedly ruined his family.
“Lyle?”
His Beta shook his head. “We received news of the discovery of only the Luna’s body. No one has any idea of your son’s whereabouts.”
Nikolai’s legs gave up and he crashed to the ground with the heavy burden of what he’d done settling over him.
He’d killed her. He’d sent Ada to her death.