#91 In the Snow

The light and the darkness are both there, slowly coming closer, surrounding me in this strange place of silence. The light is shining, so bright and pure, yet so shy in front of me. It's brightening the darkness around like a small window. I feel myself slowly, naturally pulled towards it, and I do not fight it... I'm not scared. I know where I am, who is there.

I feel myself slowly drown, like coming to the other side of the water. Moon Goddess, it's so cold over there... so lonely too. The silence is echoing with itself, making everything sound so small in the middle of something so vast. I try to focus on the little, vivid flame in my stomach, holding on to it like the only source of warmth around. I really feel like I'm going to freeze to the bone if I forget it's there to warm me up...

I hear a wailing, somewhere on my left. I try to remember how to even see anything, and a shape slowly appears. It's a woman, and she smells of... fresh grass and soil... Ravena!

She's curled up on what ought to be some sort of ground. She's obviously in pain... I hear her wailing resonating, but I can't... come anywhere near her. I can't even pull myself there. I'm like a tiny speck of dust, thrown left or right on a breeze' whim, while she's a rock, abandoned there and left to her pain. Her sobbing is so genuine, I feel sorry for her. I can't see the details of her face in the darkness, only her silhouette shaking, following the rhythm of her cries. Damn it... She smells like death. I have no idea how to save her. I don't even know how I can regain control of my body.

"Help... me..."

I hear her muted plea, making me even sadder for her. ...Can I do something for her? I want to reach out, but... I'm so powerless right now.

"Ravena...?"

I can barely recognize my own voice, as if it was coming from very far, like an echo... But she hears it. Her silhouette stops shaking, and I can finally distinguish the traits of her face. The blood I saw earlier, coming down from her eyes, nose, mouth and ears is still there... She's not going to make it. I can almost see the veil of death on her expression, her empty eyes, the way she looks so tired...

"...Ravena."

It takes me a lot of strength to manage to call her, but she hears it. Her gaze that was so blank and aimless before settles on me. For a strange second, we stare at each other, enemies stranded in the same nightmare. She gasps, a new bundle of blood coming out of her mouth.

"You... Please..."

She's struggling to speak, out of breath and out of time. I'm watching her die... I'm watching her die, and I can't do anything about it. Ravena is just at her end, the Curse took all it could from her, and left her to die. This is so horrible... Regardless of her wrongdoings, she didn't deserve this.

"Stop... Save..."

Each word looks awfully painful to her, yet she's pleading to me all she can. The red is filling her mouth and running down her lips, her cheek, while her raspy breathing is painful even to listen to. I take a deep breath, and try to regain my body's control. I struggle, in the darkness, to move a single muscle. I know it's way too late to save Ravena, but... If I can at least offer her some... peace...

"I will," I mutter. "I promise I will stop this... I'll save them."

Ravena keeps staring at me, her eyes so empty, I have no idea if she heard me. The darkness looks about to swallow her; It's getting thicker and dark all around her, as if the shadows were about to engulf her... Right before it engulfs her, I see her lips exhale one last breath, and she closes her eyes. The next second, she disappears, the shadow grabbing her away.

Moon Goddess... I need to stop that thing. How many witches have died and suffered unfairly like this...? I need to move. I can't let it swallow me too like this, I don't want to disappear without even a fight... I looked up at the white aura, and began moving my body to get there. I feel like each of my limbs is heavy as hell, but I keep going, I keep fighting to evade that darkness. The darkness isn't what I'm worried about. It's about losing all my strength here... It may look like it's not doing anything, but I know this Curse is sucking my strength and lifeforce to get stronger. Well, you won't have it. I'll destroy you first.

I hear a growl next to me. A wolf...? No, it's bigger. I frown. I know it's not my wolf, so what is... Suddenly, something pushes me, with an incredible strength. I try to look back. ...A bear! Ravena's bear? It's definitely a bear, and it looks like... soil? This one looks friendlier than the bear she had seen fighting the Black Brothers outside. It must be her spirit, or something. She's trying to help me... I guess she doesn't hold it against me now.

With the magical bear's help, I somehow manage to lift my body enough to be on my own two feet, but the area is really much darker now. I take one step after another, until I face that large white door thing. It's shining so brightly, but it's also very cold... I take a deep breath. I think I already know what happened... The truth behind that Curse. We were wrong from the start, and for so many years. I fall on my knees in front of it, I glance towards the bear.

"I should be fine now... thanks."

It leaves out a low growl, and rubs its head against my arm. It feels like warm soil rather than fur, but it's not bad... Right after that, it vanishes, returning to the darkness. I glance down, realizing I can see my arms... Or most of them. The dark markings are all over me again, in a familiar pattern. I can't even see the tip of my fingers, they are slowly devoured by the darkness. Oh, Moon Goddess, I might really disappear here. Even more intriguing though, is the pattern that appeared on my arm. It's not a dark stripe this time but a real magic circle, although I'm unfamiliar with it. The writing is clearly an earth witch's doing... One last help from Ravena, perhaps...?

I don't have time to wonder more. With the bear gone, the cold is getting even worse, and the shadows darker, more menacing... It's time to go. I take a deep breath, and cross the white door.

A wave of snow hits me in the face right away.

It's alright; I love snow! I keep running, on all four, in the dense, magnificent white coat of snow lying before us. All of my pack is running with me. Our group is enjoying itself, progressing like one in the vast area of land. I see the pine trees far ahead, the bright blue sky above. The pups are having fun and trying to keep up with us, too. The older wolves are somewhere behind, closing the group... I'm young, and I only care about running, having fun. The snow flies all around us, and we scare a few birds away. The very tall rock far ahead has become our goal destination, but we have time before we get there. The sun is high in the sky, and we should hunt by the river first.

I run with my fellow wolves, the young male next to me is the one I like most... No, I love him. I can feel he is my mate... He is a bit different than the others, sometimes wandering around, but I don't really care. He is an Alpha, and perhaps someday he will leave to have his own pack... Will he choose me as his partner? I sure hope so... I am the fastest and largest female of our pack. The other males have tried mating with me, but I'm only interested in one wolf...

Night comes.

I'm tired from our run today, and my belly is full with our hunt's results. The pups are being nosy a bit further away... I wish I could have my own someday. Will he let me carry his offspring? Our young ones would be so strong if they are both of ours... I look around, but he's gone off somewhere again... He has been leaving more and more often lately... I can't help but be a bit worried. What if a bear attacks him? Or a human hunter? I get up, and silently leave our group, going to look for him. I miss his smell, but I'm sure I'll find him soon...

I strand among the tall pine trees. The forest is quiet in the darkness of night, and I'm walking silently in the snow... I walk deeper into the forest, looking for my loved one. I hesitate when I smell some human activity. Wood burning... It has to be a human... I also pick up my mate's smell, though.

Suddenly he appears, alone and safe. Oh, so he is fine... He has that strange smell on him though, I do not like it... He reunites with me, and we sniff each other, lick each other, checking and exchanging our smell. Oh... we are alone now. Shall I invite him to be just the two of us...? He follows me deeper into the night... So this is it...

I wake up, alone again.

Where is he off to, again? Shall we stay hidden? Are the humans gone yet? I need to hunt, our pups are hungry... I should go hunt while waiting for him. I go out, this winter is colder than the others... Those human hunters are so scary. I hope they finally leave us alone... I hope my mate returns soon. I bring a rabbit back for our little ones. They are so young and yet so strong already, I am proud of our pups. Soon we will be able to have our own pack and raise them with everyone, far from those scary humans. ...I wonder where my mate is. Did he go to the house with the female human again? I know he likes her, but she smells odd, even for a human one... Is she hoping to tame my mate like men tame dogs? I hope not... I don't like how he acts so submissive with her; He is an Alpha, yet he is so obedient to a human woman...

I silently follow him again. I am just curious... My mate has been smelling so funny lately, even our children have a hard time recognizing their father. He has been bringing more food, but... I wonder why he feels so different now. He knows how to avoid the humans, and where to hunt safely. But, I don't recognize my mate, and it pains me so much... I just want to understand what it is he likes so much about that female woman... Is she the one providing him with all that food? It makes my babies happy and safe, but...

He said she is too lonely, so he keeps her company every day... Doesn't that female have a pack of humans with her? Why is she living alone? Is she an Omega...? I keep following my mate, my head full of questions. I have so many questions, and so much worry in my heart.

I hide among the trees, watching them from afar. The woman, and my wolf... They play together, and she looks happy like a young female in love... Is she in love with my mate? She acts like she is... Like he's hers. My heart hurts. I step back, a bit scared. I do not understand... We shall stay away from humans, so why is he acting like this with that one...?

Suddenly, I see my mate change. Something is so strange with him... He becomes a human! My mate turned into a human male! What is this... I'm so scared!

My mate is trying to bring me food, to apologize for making me scared. I am still scared... I am scared for our babies. Why did my mate become a human, and now he is a wolf again? I am so scared... He still goes to the woman, he can't leave her. Why doesn't she have a pack? Why doesn't she have her own mate? What is she doing to my mate...

My mate is gone, and now he's not coming back.

I have waited many mornings. I looked for him, and I went to the female human's house, but he was gone. Something strange happened to him... I don't know what happened to him. Did he go to the humans forever? Or did a bear kill him? Did the hunters get him? I've waited for so, so long... I'm so scared, and lonely. My babies have grown and are all gone now, and my mate is gone too, I am alone... So sad and alone.

This evening, I decided to go and see that woman.

I wondered if she was as lonely as I was... I wanted to just look from afar, but I heard her wailing, and I saw her tears. She is as sad as me... Wolves howl like wind, and humans cry like rivers when they are sad. I've howled a lot, and she has cried a lot. We are the same, that woman and I... I got a bit closer, to see if her pain was the same as mine, and it is. She has lost her mate too, she has lost her love like I did. We loved the same, and we feel the same sadness now...

I came up to her door, because we were both lonely.

She was scared and angry, at first. She cried and she yelled at me, but I wasn't scared of that female. I knew she was different from the human hunters, from the males. So, I laid down in front of her, and I waited. She talked a lot, human words I cannot understand. I can only understand her sadness and her pain. So, I could only lie there and wait. I have no pups to return to this time, and my mate is gone. Where else would I go...?

She opened and closed the door to her lair several times, speaking to me as if she'd hoped I'd understand. After a while though, she calmed down. I stepped forward, and she let me into her lair, so I went and laid down at the warmest spot, wondering if my mate had once done so.

"...Why are you here?" She said. "You're his mate... Why would you come to me, after what I did? I thought you had come to kill me. ...aren't you mad? You should be hating me, so why are you... here..."

I wonder what that human is talking about. I hope she understands. We are both lonely females who once loved the same wolf... Ah... I miss you so much, my dear mate. You and I were fated, weren’t we? I hope I can dream of you again tonight. I want to dream about our races in the snow, back when we were young pups in one pack.

I try to sleep, but I am not used to this lair. The woman stops talking, but she gives me some nice food... It must be good if she agrees to share with me. I didn't even hunt for it. Was she the one who provided food to my mate to feed our babies, all this time? I thought we were lucky he was such a good hunter, even in the coldest winters, or when the humans were out hunting too... I hear her sob again, but I just eat and go back to my sleep. She's a peculiar human... Her house smells like the forest, and so does she. The trees come to her when she moves her hand, and they bloom when she wants. I do not understand everything, but she doesn't try to harm me, so I stay here and ignore what she's doing. It's her lair, after all. I only want to get some sleep, and perhaps, tomorrow we shall hunt together.

After a while, I feel her watching me again. I keep my eyes closed, but I can feel her stare on me. I hear her sob again. How do humans cry so much... Don't they need that water?

"You're really a strange one... Are you lonely too, now?" She whispers. "I don't deserve another companion... or are wolves such pure creatures that you've already forgiven me for what I did? I don't understand you, wolf..."

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*Author Note: Thank you for reading, please make sure to leave a comment if you enjoyed! ^-^