Chapter 37 Running But Not Free
Darcy's POV
My phone dings suddenly, startling me. I push myself up from the ground to check who it is. My hands tremble as sweat forms on my forehead.
Is it Adrian?
My hope and excitement drain away when I realize it’s a spam message. What was I thinking? That he has my new number?
It’s been a month since I last saw him. Is he doing well? What about Hazel? I really want to see them, to make sure they’re alright, but I can’t.
I don’t even know if leaving them was the best decision. The ache in my heart has become claws that gnaw at me every day.
The rumours are still lingering. My stomach churns at the thought of them getting hurt.
Adrian is struggling with fatherhood, and I know my leaving must have affected him deeply.
Living and adapting in a small town on the outskirts isn’t easy. The scenery is calming, but most of the people here aren’t kind.
At first, I thought they disliked me because of the rumors. Turns out, they don’t even know what happens outside this place.
My stomach grumbles, reminding me to eat. My gaze lands on the food, but it only irritates me more.
I yearn for them. They are so near, yet so far away. The distance between us seems to grow wider by the day.
I hid well… but if he truly wanted to find me, he would have by now. Maybe he’s disappointed in the way I left.
Or worse, what if he took my words to heart? The letter… those words came from pain. From a broken mind.
Why wouldn’t I want to see him or Hazel?
I lie on the floor and curl into a ball. Soon, it starts to rain.
The soft drizzle blends with my cries. My eyes squeeze shut, my mouth open as the pain in my chest spreads through my body.
I stay like that for a while before my alarm goes off.
Reluctantly, I stand and get ready for work. If I had a choice, I would choose to be Hazel’s nanny forever.
I dig my fingernails into my skin as I walk into the small bathroom. I can’t afford a heater, so I bathe in cold water, even when it’s freezing.
My teeth chatter as I step out of the shower, water dripping down my body. I can feel the cold seeping into my bones.
I dry off and wear a pair of blue jeans and a hoodie. As I dress, I avoid looking in the mirror.
I’m scared of what I’ll see.
I’m scared of not recognizing the woman staring back at me.
I’m a coward—not only afraid to fight for the people I love, but also afraid of my own reflection.
The rain stops.
I grab my old tote bag and step out. I hesitate, wondering whether to take my phone. It’s not like I’m expecting any calls.
Still, I shake off the thought and take it with me.
Soon, I arrive at the daycare. I push all the pain down and force a bright smile. Some parents and children wave at me, and I return the gesture.
The children are so small. They remind me of Hazel.
At least these ones have mothers.
She doesn’t.
Guilt eats me up from the inside.
“Hi, Miss Darcy,” a colleague greets.
“Hello, Miss Stephen,” I reply with a wave.
I’m about to enter the building when I hear a familiar cry.
I freeze.
How is she here? Have they come for me?
My palms grow sweaty, my heart racing wildly.
The crying continues.
“You’re not ready for this, Darcy. Ignore it and go inside,” my subconscious warns.
But I can’t.
If they’re here… I’m not running away again.
I clench my fists and slowly turn around.
My breath catches.
It’s not Hazel.
Just another child… with a completely different face.
I scoff softly.
What is wrong with me? Why do I think they’d chase me? Who am I?
I can’t blame them.
I’m the one who abandoned them.
Not the other way around.
Three hours later, we close for the day.
“Ava, don’t you want to check out the trade fair? Things are cheaper, and you can get a variety of items,” Miss Stephen suggests.
All I want is to go home and sleep.
But… maybe she’s right.
There’s no harm in trying.
Wallowing in pain won’t help me. It’s okay to be sad, but I need to do better.
I nod. “Alright, sure.”
She claps excitedly. “Yes! Finally, she agrees to go out!”
I look at her, surprised, then smile faintly. It’s strange… having someone want to be around me.
Maybe it’s because she hasn’t heard the rumors.
She might change once she does.
Wait until then, my subconscious warns.
She keeps talking while I nod occasionally, adding a few comments. She’s energetic. Bright. Happy.
The noise grows louder as we approach the mini market.
“We’re here! Look around and make sure to buy something—it’s all cheap. Don’t miss out. See you later!” she says, giving me a side hug before walking off.
I see what she’s doing.
Giving me space.
Letting me breathe.
And I’m grateful.
†
A moment to myself.
I stand still as my feet root to the ground. People—young and old—move from stall to stall.
No one is paying attention to me.
And for once… that feels good.
No judgment. No whispers.
This might be my chance to start over.
To be free.
After a few minutes of hesitation, I take a step toward a stall selling baby items.
“Welcome, ma. Everything is at a discount,” the vendor says with a smile.
I nod and pick up a small pink blanket and a teddy bear.
Hazel loves stuffed toys.
Wait… what am I doing?
My smile fades instantly.
Hazel and I aren’t together anymore.
The ache in my chest tightens.
“Do you want me to wrap those?” the woman asks.
What’s the point?
What if we never see each other again?
Wouldn’t it just be a waste?
“Miss?” she calls, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Oh... sorry. Yes, please wrap them,” I say, handing them over.
After paying, I feel… a little better.
Maybe healing doesn’t mean cutting everything off.
Maybe it means facing what hurts.
I continue walking.
Then suddenly...
A chill runs down my spine.
Someone is watching me.
I stop and scan the area.
Nothing.
Still… the feeling doesn’t leave.
My grip tightens around the bag.
Has Adrian’s mother finally come for me… like she promised?