Chapter 36 When Love Isn't Enough
Adrian's POV
My phone rings for the tenth time. I sigh and decline again. What does she want? There's practically nothing for her to ruin, unless she's after our lives.
It's been days since I last entered the company. Although, I work from home. It's the least that I can do.
Hazel and I are now in the secret house I bought last year. During our dark times.
It's well hidden. Quiet and peaceful. Away from all the drama and confusion. I feel like it's something we both need.
She's calling probably because she didn't see us at the mansion.
Staying in that house is torture. There's no warmth or laughter. Her scent still lingers in every corner and room, yet is suffocating.
Hazel and I still miss Darcy but we are beginning to live well. Although, whenever Hazel's not crying, she's extremely quiet.
I am worried about her. Even her doctor told me that if I don't pick myself up to help her, she might get affected.
I have suffered enough and I'm not about to let my daughter go through that feeling. After all, she's but a baby.
I'll be her everything she needs - father, mother... everything. I can't pretend to be happy to help her because I can't give what I don't have.
Losing Hazel's mum and then Darcy is not easy and I will not lose my child while grieving all that I have lost.
Hazel's mum and Darcy will not be happy if I don't take care of her. I can drown but she can't.
She's not allowed to. Before Darcy came around, I did not know what I was doing but now I do.
Taking care of a child is more than providing financially. Emotional support is more important than anything else.
I sigh again as a lot of emails on the laptop screen stare at me, waiting for me to go over them. I click on a new one, my eyes scan it as I read each paragraph carefully.
The house is quiet until Hazel hums. I stand up immediately to carry her.
"You're awake baby." I say. My heart melts when she rubs her eyes with her small hand.
"Did you sleep well? Are you hungry?" I ask and she drools at the mention of food.
"My beautiful baby wants to eat. Let's make your food," I sing as we walk into the kitchen.
I place her on the stool and fasten the straps.
I slice some boiled apples and then mash potato.
Putting the cute pink plate before her, she takes a slice of egg and puts it in her mouth.
My baby is growing. My heart aches because I can't provide her with a stable family. The two women who love her are gone.
That makes me incapable. I don't deserve to be her father.
After cleaning up, she stops eating and starts playing with the leftover.
"Mama's tummy is full. Yeah," I say and mutters some baby words.
I nod in agreement. I don't understand but whatever she says goes.
I smile brightly at her and tickle her neck. She giggles loudly. My breath hitch. How long has it been since I last saw that smile?
I wipe the mess on her face and body. Then place her on the floor and surround her with toys.
Sit tight honey, give me a minute. I quickly clear up the remaining food. My stomach growls loudly.
I sigh because I'm hungry but the appetite is the issue. I shake my head. If my appetite comes up a bit, I might fix myself something.
Rushing back to the living room, I stop on my tracks immediately. Hazel stares at her favorite toys like they were irrelevant.
No emotions. Just stares blankly. It's as if she's not the girl that giggled few minutes ago.
Isn't she too young to space out? My chest tightens. How did I get here?
It doesn't matter if there's no one to hold me up, keep me afloat. What matters is that I need to be strong for her.
I blink back the tears as I wear the most convincing smile.
"Hey baby, did you miss me?" I say in a sweet voice. Calm enough not to startle her. I pick her up and cover her face with kisses.
I play with her for a while but she just stares without any reaction. I ruffle my hair and take a deep breath.
Everything is tearing me apart. Staying strong, can I do it? Because I'm on the verge of breaking down.
I swallow the lump in my throat and bite my inner cheek.
"Let daddy give you a bath. Off to the bathroom," I try to force excitement in my voice only for it to crack.
I run her a warm bath with a pink bath bomb. I peel her cloth and diaper off her body and put her inside the bath tub.
I hold her with one hand and wash her skin with the other. I took my time to wash her head. Hoping it will soothe her.
Soon we lie on the bed, with Hazel resting on me. I caress her back while reading her a story book.
"The bunny's family became complete. With a mummy, daddy and brother." I finish reading.
That's when I realize she has fallen asleep. I breathe out in relief.
Not to wake her, I carefully lay her on the bed and climb down.
I rub my face and groan painfully. I look at her at she sleeps peacefully. It was much better when she cried a lot. At least, that way I get to know how she's feeling. But now, It's different in a bad way.
I take my phone to call Jayden. He answers almost immediately.
"Hey Adrian, what's going on?" He asks.
My nose flares and my breathing turns shallow. "I don't know man. Hazel is becoming cold and I... I don't know what to do," I stutter as my vision blurs.
"Calm down Adrian," he says.
I walk into the bathroom and close the door. "Calm down? How can I stay calm when I'm slowly losing my child? I've been holding myself, my sanity for the sake of my child but of what good am I if I only hurt the people around me?" I shout.
"I didn't realize she was that attached to Darcy," he says.
I chuckle bitterly. "What do you mean? She lost her mother, and then Darcy. Even I am going crazy."
"You're right..."
"Please Jayden, what do I do to save my child? I can't lose her too. I've done everything you told me to do. Is there anything else I can do?"
He sighs heavily. "Staying indoor seems to be causing more harm than good. Both of you need to go out and have fun. Go on vacation if you must."
"Will that work?" I ask in a shaky voice.
"We won't know until we try."
I end the call before slipping down the door.
I bury my face in my hand as I cry like a child. For me, for my child. Do I really deserve to go through this pain?
Darcy please have mercy on me.
I've done all I can and for the first time, love isn’t enough to calm my own child.