Chapter 77 CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN

Chapter 77 CHAPTER SEVENTY-SEVEN

EVA’S POV
“I think I’m going to reject Aaron.”
Lily slowly dropped her bag on the floor, then turned around to face me, tilting her head like she wasn't sure she had heard me right.
“No,” I sat up. “I am going to reject Aaron.”
She stared at me for a few seconds.
“Huh?”
“I said I'm going to reject him.”
“Why?”
I shrugged, trying to make it sound like the easiest decision in the world. “Because I don't like him like that.”
Lily's eyebrows pulled together. “But you liked him.”
“I know.”
“And he likes you.”
“I know.”
“And you were considering giving him a chance.”
“I know that too.”
She stared at me as though none of my answers were actually answering her question.
“So what happened?”
I looked down at my phone, my thumb moving absently over the edge of the case. “I just realized I don't want to.”
That was the easiest way to explain it.
I didn't want to tell her about Josh yet. Not because I didn't trust Lily, but because I wanted to be the one to tell her when I was ready, and I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with the expression I knew would appear on her face once she found out.
Lily sighed. “Okay.”
I looked at her.
“Okay?”
“Yeah.”
She picked up her bag again and dropped it onto the chair beside her. “So, when are you going to tell him?”
“He's probably going to be at the party tonight so I think I’ll tell him then.”
She gave me a look as she crossed her arms over her chest. “I just don't understand why you're doing this.”
“I already told you. I don't like him like that.”
“That isn't what I mean.”
I looked at her.
“You've always been weird about this whole Aaron thing.”
“I have not.”
“You have.”
“I've literally encouraged you to talk to him.”
“Sometimes.”
“Most times.”
“Lily.”
“What?”
I sighed.
She was going to make me say it. And maybe it was time I did.
“Why have you never really supported my crush on Josh?”
Her expression changed immediately.
Not dramatically.
Just enough for me to notice.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
She looked away.
“I don't know what you're talking about.”
“Lily.”
“Eva.”
I stared at her.
She sighed.
“Why are you asking me this now?”
“Because I want to know.”
I shifted on the bed, pulling my legs beneath me.
“Was it because you were certain he would never like someone like me?” she didn't answer. “Or because you thought I'd get hurt?”
Still nothing.
I swallowed.
“Because if that's it, you could have just told me.”
Lily finally looked at me.
“When we were younger, I didn't mind it.”
I blinked.
“What?”
“Your crush on him.”
She shrugged slightly.
“You had a crush on him, and I thought it was cute. You were thirteen, fourteen, whatever age you were, and Josh was this older boy you thought was perfect. I didn't take it seriously.”
“I wasn't that young.”
“You were young enough.”
I rolled my eyes, but she continued before I could argue.
“And then you got older.”
Her voice softened.
“And I realized it wasn't just a crush anymore.”
I didn't say anything.
“You actually cared about him.”
She paused.
“You cared about him so much that I started getting scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“That you'd get hurt.”
My chest tightened.
Lily sat down on the edge of the bed.
“Eva, you're probably one of the sweetest people I know. You're kind even when people don't deserve it, you care too much about everyone, and honestly, if I liked women, I would probably date you myself.”
I laughed despite myself.
“That's supposed to make me feel better?”
“I'm serious.”
She smiled briefly before it disappeared again.
“And that's exactly the problem.”
I frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“You're soft.”
“I'm not soft.”
“You are.”
“I'm not.”
“You are,” she repeated, almost fondly. “And there's nothing wrong with that. But Josh isn't exactly the easiest person to love.”
I looked down.
“I know.”
“No, I don't think you do.”
She took a breath.
“There's always been something wrong with our family.”
I stayed quiet.
“Our parents have always had problems. You know that much, but you don't know everything.”
Her fingers twisted together in her lap.
“Josh and I used to be really close. Like, really close. He was the person I went to for everything, and I was the person he came to when things were bad.”
She smiled faintly at the memory.
“Then our parents started fighting more. Everything got worse, and somehow, without either of us really deciding it, Josh and I started drifting apart.”
I watched her carefully.
“He became more distant. I became more distant. And everyone just kind of... accepted it.”
Her voice was quieter now.
“But Josh never really got to stop being the one who had to fix things.”
I frowned.
“What do you mean?”
“Our parents fought, and somehow Josh was always the one trying to make things better. Someone was always expecting him to be the responsible one, the one who kept everything together, the one who didn't make things worse.”
She looked at me.
“And I know him. I know how much that affected him.”
I didn't know what to say.
“I think that's part of why I've always been so protective of you when it comes to him.”
“Protective?”
“Selfish,” she corrected herself.
I shook my head.
“Lily—”
“No, I am.”
She looked down.
“I was scared that if you and Josh ever became something serious, everything would change.”
“Between me and you?”
“Between everyone.”
She sighed.
“Because if something happened between you two, and it went wrong, I could lose you.”
My heart sank.
“And I don't want that.”
She looked at me again, her eyes softer.
“You're my best friend, Eva. I don't want to lose you because of my brother.”
I swallowed.
“And maybe I was also scared that if you became part of our family, you'd eventually see all the ugly parts of it and you'd leave.”
She gave a small, humorless laugh.
“Or worse, you'd stay and get dragged into everything.”
I didn't know when my eyes had started burning.
“And I know that sounds stupid because it's your decision. It has always been your decision. But when I saw how serious your feelings for him were becoming, telling you to snap out of it felt easier than watching you walk into something I wasn't sure you could get out of.”
I stared at her.
“So you never thought he was good enough for me?”
Lily shook her head immediately.
“No.”
She reached over and squeezed my hand.
“That wasn't it at all.”
“Then what was it?”
“I thought you were too good to get hurt by him.”
My lips parted, but no words came.
“And I know Josh wouldn't intentionally hurt you. That's the thing. I know my brother. He'd probably try to protect you from everything, even if it meant hurting himself in the process.”
She smiled faintly.
“That's another problem.”
I looked at her.
“He carries everything.”
She sighed.
“And I don't want him to have to carry another thing because of us. If you two became a relationship and something went wrong, he'd probably spend the rest of his life trying to fix it, and I'd hate that for both of you.”
The room fell quiet.
I stared down at our hands.
For the first time, I understood that Lily's constant attempts to discourage me hadn't really been about Josh.
Not completely.
She had been afraid.
Afraid of losing me.
Afraid of losing whatever was left of her relationship with her brother.
Afraid that putting the two things together would somehow destroy both.
“I didn't know,” I whispered.
“I know.”
She squeezed my hand once more before letting go.
“I should have told you instead of constantly telling you to get over him.”
I smiled sadly.
“Yeah. You really did that a lot.”
“I know.”
She smiled back.
For a moment, neither of us said anything.
Then, as though she'd just remembered something incredibly important, Lily suddenly stood.
“Are you hungry?”
I blinked.
“What?”
“I'm hungry.”
She picked up her bag and started walking towards the door.
“Lily—”
“What?”
“You just gave me a whole emotional speech and now you're asking if I'm hungry?”
“Yes.”
She opened the door.
“Do you want food or not?”
I laughed, shaking my head.
“You're ridiculous.”
“I know.”
She disappeared into the hallway.
“I'm getting something from the kitchen.”
I watched her leave, a small smile still resting on my lips.
Maybe there were still things I didn't understand about Lily's family.
Maybe there were things about Josh that I would have to learn slowly.
But for the first time, I didn't feel like Lily had been trying to keep me away from him because she thought I wasn't enough.
She had only been afraid of what loving him might cost all of us.