Chapter n- mission budgies

There's no one left to hold me when I cry,

Tell me, now who will sing me my lullaby.

_________________________

30 march 2017

2:58

I never liked being wrong.

In fact I hated it, I would always go to extreme measures to ensure I was always right.

I remember once, when I was around thirteen, Noah begged, and when I say begged; I mean literally begged mum and dad to get him a pair of budgies.

I, on the other hand, despised the idea.

Liam wasn't the biggest fan of the whole bunji invasion either, but decided not to say anything as long as Noah would keep them in his room and not let them out.

I had studied about budgies in my science textbook enough times to know for a fact that they were often caged for their beauty and voice.

It angered me to the point that I decided to talk to mum and dad about it, in hope that they would change their minds.

My steps flattened as I walked towards their room.

Their room had some sort of an aura, it might sound hilarious but I promise that every time I would walk near their room;

A sense of nervousness would consume me whole, while butterflies would dance spontaneously in my stomach,

as if mentally preparing me for their decision,

A decision that could be against what I want.

And that didn't sit right with me.

Taking a deep breath, I pushed forwards and knocked on their door

Continuously reassuring myself that mum and dad wouldn't go against what I want.

Especially since I was right.

I dazed back into the reality as I heard mum say, "come on in",

I could do this.

I will do this.

I pushed down the knob and opened the door with my sweaty hands.

Mum was seated onto one of the sofas, her legs crossed and her macbook in her lap; she seemed to be working.

Her beige baggy tee-shirt complimented her skin tone, while her black hair was tied up into a rough morning bun.

She seemed to be laughing at something dad might have said.

My parents were like that.

They fought endlessly, were pissed off at each other for hours, but somehow; they always seemed to make up.

But every family has problems, don't they?

However, not every family has the same happiness like ours did.

We always knew exactly what would make each other smile;

whether it was mum's long lectures on puberty or dad's lame jokes,

Noah's private calls playing on the speaker by mistake or Liam's taste in girls.

Something or another would always do the trick.

Dad on the other hand was laying in bed, with the duvet over his body and "before I fall", in his left hand, while his right one held his violet coffee mug.

He seemed far too indulged in the book that it almost felt rude to interrupt his reading.

But I had to.

Both mum and dad gave me a quick glance as if to see who the intruder was.

I pasted a weak smile onto my chapped lips, licking them in the process; as if to prepare myself for the debate I was entering.

Shutting the door carefully behind me; ensuring Noah wouldn't interrupting my conversation before I were to make my point.

I cautiously walked towards the small sofa next to mum and sat down.

Neither mum or dad bothered to ask me what I wanted but I could tell they were confused as they passed each other quick glances.

"Mum we need to talk", my voice a bare whisper, for I knew the love my dad held for birds; I was almost sure that he would support Noah on this.

Mum continued typing onto the keyboard as she whispered back, "what's wrong?", her facial expression gave away the fact that she was not listening to me.

But I couldn't risk it, I was willing to make use of even the tiniest bit of the attention she was willing to spare.

"It's about Noah", I replied anxiously

She gazed up from the screen and at me, a sense of irritation clear on her features,

"please tell me Noah didn't steal your pocket money again, I told you to hide it somewhere else this time, didn't I?", her voice seemed almost as annoyed as she did herself.

"No, no he didn't, it's not that", I was almost proud of myself about that.

Noah had discovered my secret hiding spot last month; it was this beautiful wooden box under my bed

I kept everything that was important to me in it, including; my journal, my special stickers, and my pocket money.

That sucker stole my pocket money while I was in the shower.

I caught him in my room when I returned from the shower, but he claimed that he didn't steal anything, and that he was just searching for one of his comics that I had borrowed.

Lair.

Lair.

I never thought that was what he was going to be labelled as.

Never expected him to be at the mercy of justice itself.

"Did you tear out another one of his comics? If so, I can't help you; he's going to kill you",

A playful smirk lighted up her face as she inspected me with her eyes for any sort of reaction.

"Mum, no! Listen", my voice almost pleading.

I glanced at dad, only to find a similar expression to mums on his features as well, waiting for me to continue.

"You know the bird Noah wants you to get him?", I asked cautiously.

"The budgies?", mum asked

"Yeah those-",

"Is this what all this is about? You could've just asked if you wanted a pair as well cupcake", dad cut me off

Me?

He really thought I wanted a pair.

"No-", I began again only to be cut off yet AGAIN.

"Look sweetheart, I know you and Noah don't get along, but I can talk to him about it if you want to share his budgies", mum reassured me.

I think I'm going to lose my mind.

This is the complete opposite of what I was trying to say.

"NO!", I jumped from my seat and walked towards dad.

Dad gave me a worrisome look, almost as if he was curious to whatever it was I was about to say next.

"I need you both to not buy the budgies", my voice loud and clear, as I placed myself next to dad this time, hoping for a better response than mums.

"Wait what-", mum seemed confused.

"But I thought you liked birds", dad looked almost as surprised as mum.

"I do-",

"Then why don't you want Noah to have them-", mum continued

"I like them free", I explained

Mum and dad shared another glance, and then chuckles eliminated the room.

I sat there confused, splitting my gazes between mum and dad, unable to understand what exactly was funny as their chuckles died down.

"What's funny?-"

"Sweetheart, budgies are a caged animal", mum tried to justify

"Only because we cage them", I argued

"No, not only because we cage them Malaika, budgies generally prefer living in a cage", dad continued to explain as mum watched in amusement.

"Why?",

"Because they feel safe there", mum said

"How can they feel safe in a cage?"

"You feel safe in your home, don't you? Just like that; they feel safe in their cage", dad answered

"You can't possibly be comparing a house to a cage?", I almost felt uneasy at the comparison

"Why not?",

"Because that makes no sense, if we didn't put them in their cages in the first place, then they wouldn't feel safe there",

Dad stared at me, as if wanting me to continue explaining my perspective, and so I did.

"I mean, If we never took the away from their habitats and put them in cages for our own pleasure and selfish reasons then they wouldn't feel safe in the cages, but only in their own homes as well",

I gathered up my saliva under my tongue, swallowing it, since my mouth felt dry from speaking so much at one go

This time mum spoke, "you're right, but these birds have already been taken from their homes, so now either we can take them and look after them or someone else who wouldn't really take care of them will take them, it's up to you",

My heart raced. She was right, but I was also right.

And there could possibly only be one right,

So, I simply shook my head as I got up and walked out of the room, planning a mission to set those budgies free.

Hours flew by, and it was already afternoon, Dad and Noah had decided to visit the pet store so that Noah could choose the ones he wanted.

Even the thought of them treating the birds like toys made me sick to my stomach.

How could they just go and pick and choose like it's some sort of an object and not a living creature, later to only cage it.

I stormed into my bedroom, making sure to bang my door behind me, to let everyone know how much I disliked what they were doing.

But no one came

No one

It was as if they didn't care

And that made me feel awful, awful enough to start plotting a way to make them feel just as bad as I did.

But how can I hurt them now, how can I hurt them as much as they've hurt me

How do I cope up with the pain of losing them

I guess they learnt to plot plans as well, but this plan of theirs had no end.

This plan of theirs was internal.

Or maybe it wasn't, maybe this wasn't part of the plan; maybe, just maybe something went terribly wrong.

I refuse to believe that they would intentionally hurt me so ruthlessly

That they would leave me all alone,

Without them to get revenge on,

Without them having to feel the same pain I did.

But this wasn't about me

No

It wasn't.

I needed to make a plan, a plan which would save the innocent little creatures from their hands, and something that would help me take my revenge along the way.

Something solid.

My thoughts consumed me as my head hit my pillow, ever so slowly draining me off my consciousness.

I recall forcing myself to ditch the bed after I woke up to take a piss sometime around the morning

The sun hadn't blessed us with its presence yet, and for that I was beyond thankful.

I debated over carrying out the plan later in the day like I had planned before sleeping, or figuring something out right now.

After a several minutes, I decided that it wasn't worth the risk. I couldn't just throw them in the fire to get a couple more hours under the covers.

I had to do this now.

I walked out of my room and tip toed towards Noah's, making sure no one else was awake to witness my crime.

The corridor was dimly lit, reassuring me that everyone was fast asleep.

I reached Noah's room; thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong, slowly creaking his door open.

Unfortunately, the birds weren't in his room to my dismay.

I walked out disappointed.

Disappointed but I still hadn't lost hope.

I couldn't lose hope.

A beautiful hum reached my ears as I was going to exit his room; making me twist instantly.

My eyes searched the room, hoping to locate the source, but couldn't find anything.

I just had to think.

I had to think like Noah.

Where would I keep my birds if I were a sixteen year old boy?

Where would I keep my birds if I were a sixteen year old dumb stupid bird capturing monster?

Alright alright, maybe I over did it a little there, but he deserved every word

Think think

The closet?

No they would die

Noah can be a cruel bird capturer but he was no murderer. He would do nothing to hurt them.

He wanted them way too badly

He loved them far too much

Murderer

That's what they call him

How do they expect me to believe that he who I thought couldn't even hurt his birds, was my criminal.

That he who loved us so dearly would wound us just as deeply.

The toilet?

Nope.

Under the bed?

Nope.

Where else, where else, where else.

The sweet hum invaded the atmosphere once again, making it easier to figure out where he had hidden them.

The balcony

Obviously.

Idiot

You really are an idiot Malaika

I rushed towards the balcony and pulled the curtain to a side, allowing the light invade Noah's room.

Shoot.

It's already morning.

Quickly scanning the balcony,

and there they were.

In clear daylight

Only a silver cage was in their way from flying back to wherever they belonged.

It felt so weird; how they were so close to what they wanted but couldn't reach it.

I never knew that I too, would be caged one day

That I too, would be so helpless, so desperate for freedom

That what I want would be so near, so fucking near; but I wouldn't be able to reach it.

Caged in my own body

In my own mind

I swiftly shut the balcony door, as an attempt to not attract any attention from Noah, in case he woke up while I was freeing his captives.

The cage was long, tall and almost exquisite.

But no matter how spacious or beautiful your prison cell is; a prisoner is still a prisoner.

A smile made its way onto my lips as I opened their shiny platinum door; lowkey proud of myself for saving their lives.

I expected them to fly away almost instantly.

But they didn't.

Instead, they backed up in their cage, shoving themselves in the opposite corner.

It made no sense

Why wouldn't they leave

Why?

I hadn't known that sometimes you grow so used to your cage that even the thought of leaving it sounds like a punishment.

Like a sin

Knowing it's wrong, being aware of how harmful it is for you; you continue to fuel your suffering, because now, it doesn't seem that bad, it's becomes your refuge

Your safe place

and you wouldn't do anything to endanger it

nor would you let anyone else harm it

I decided to wait a couple minutes more before finally getting fed up with their coward-like behaviour and started thinking of a way to make them leave.

My orbs landed on Noah's hockey stick.

The hockey stick that Noah had been looking for, for ages

Here it is

Dumbass

I picked up the dusty hockey stick and made my way towards the cage again

Pushing in the flat end of the stick inside the cage, hoping for them to fly out of the cage due to fear

But they didn't

I didn't know why back then, but now that I think of it; after everything that happened. I now know why, it's because it's stronger

Love is stronger than fear

Always

Which makes it just as dangerous

Just as deadly

Loud screeching of the birds began to fill the atmosphere, they flew around the cage; as if searching for refuge

Searching for refuge in the same place where they were held captive.

As if searching for a cure in the same place where they were wounded

They wouldn't leave

No matter what I did

They wouldn't

But they were being prisoned, they were being kept immorally.

It was wrong to cage birds

It was wrong

And unethical

And immoral

But here I was giving them their freedom; yet it felt as if that was the last thing they desired

I didn't realise that a prisoner loses his desire of the world outside once he gets used to his prison walls

It felt too cruel to be true

But it was

After a good fifteen minutes; I decided to retreat to my room; but not before leaving their door open, incase they change their mind

I really hoped they would

I almost believed they would

I wanted the ground to open and swallow them whole, because they were trying to prove me wrong

They were proving me wrong

But I knew I was right

I was most definitely right

But today.

Staring at the sight before me, I desperately hoped for me to be wrong.

Just this once.

I reached out to the fresh soil and began digging ruthlessly with my own two hands.

The crowd continued to pull me away; begging me to stop and blood spilled out of splintered nails.

It was painful.

Exactly what I needed.

Pain.

Misery.

I needed to feel something

Anything

But it wasn't half as painful as the thought of them not being there anymore

Knowing that I wouldn't see them laughing at my terrible Italian at dinner tonight

Or fighting over the last piece of mums special vanilla waffles at breakfast tomorrow

4:28 pm

I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding as I lead the last guest out of the hotel room, dad's sister.

Aunt Elif

A woman in her late thirties, her hair a sick red and her eyes a stormy grey. The botox in her cheeks and the fillers in her plump lips made her look far too stunning for someone her age.

Her attire screamed money, from her laced black knee length dress to her Gucci heels and sunglasses.

I guess the whole 'flaunt it if you own it' thing ran in dad's family as a whole.

I remember seeing her once before, she seemed far too worried for someone who's only met me once in her entire life.

She kept trying to console me, telling me to call her if I needed something.

She even offered to stay behind to look after me for a little until I got the hang of being by myself.

Sage had wanted to stay as well, she practically begged me to; but I didn't want anyone around, I wanted to be left alone.

After a couple minutes of pointless arguments, she decided that she'd come visit me later tonight.

I objected but it's sage we're talking about, she's as stubborn as a goat.

Bidding aunt elif a quick goodbye; I shut the door, finally at ease.

Pressing my back onto the wooden door as I squeezed my eyes shut.

Praying for all this to be nothing more than a lucid dream when I open them back up.

But I was wrong

This time I was wrong

Instead, I was welcomed by the plain walls and expensive furniture of the hotel room.

The police had the house sealed, they claimed that its forbidden to enter until the investigation is completed.

All I wanted right now was to be in that house, maybe it was because that was the only way left for me to feel close to them.

But a part of me was glad, for I knew how badly it would ache to step into that house after everything that had happened.

I pushed myself towards the bed and let myself go.

My back hit the bed, pressing ever so gently onto the mattress, the softness of the mattress lured me in, enforcing my eyelids to unwillingly shut.

I constantly blinked, the questions in my head troubled my soul

What next?

Who did it?

Where is Noah?

Did something happen to him too

But there were only three corpses

Noah

"Noah", I urged myself to stay awake as I changed his name repeatedly

But I failed.