Chapter 3: More than a dream

It was eight in the evening when Jihan and I left the hospital. He even fell asleep on the flight, so I had no choice but to carry the child's weight. I don't know what time it is probably, but I'm sure Rod has been waiting outside the house for a while. Or if not, where can I find it? Especially since I left the cellphone inside the house.

I was so shocked when I saw a man carrying a helmet across the house. The alley was small, so it was almost occupied by both the lifter and the man.

About to replace, I just saw that Rod so I immediately ran. It is good that our neighbor Filimon supports him.

"That was lying there earlier. It was good that some children saw him and told me," he called when I finally got close.

I quickly opened the house and then lowered Jihan to the pallet. I followed my husband after I thanked Philemon. Before I could even touch him, the smell of alcohol immediately attacked me.

Is he still drunk?!

I was hospitalized, but he just drank? He didn't just drink, ha—he drowned himself in alcohol!

Since I was getting weaker, I finally let go of the man I was supporting. He immediately crashed onto the wooden floor.

There he woke up. He stood up quickly as his eyes glazed over.

"What?!" He growled at me.

"You're drunk?" Well, that's too obvious, but I have nothing else to say. It was as if my mind suddenly went blank.

"You know–"

"Rod? What's the matter?" I said slowly but annoyed.

He staggered to sit on the plastic chair there. Even before he plunged, I approached him immediately to support him, but he immediately grabbed my arms.

What the hell?

"I'm going to sleep," he added. My eyes remained closed.

"What's the matter, Rod? It's been a week! Until when will you ignore me? I thought I didn't notice you were avoiding me?" I almost just whispered what I was saying.

I want to talk to him, but I also do not want to disturb the sleeping child.

Again, on countless occasions, I received no answer from him.

My mind immediately went black. The frustration over the frustration is too much.

How dare he? How does he manage to just pass me by? Ignore me? What happened to the two of us fighting?

"What the hell!" I could not stop screaming. "I was just patient with you in the past few days, but now you are too much—"

"Am I too much ?!" I was almost taken aback by this sudden scream. Rod Antonio is a calm person. That doesn't even make him angry, eh. Or even annoyed or irritated.

Just now.

After four years, he was able to raise his voice.

"If I'm too much, let's just break up!" He said, then closed his eyes tightly.

My mouth immediately felt pity. I even want to ask myself who just said those words so much because if I had not seen it face to face in Rod's mouth, I would never have believed it.

"W-What did you say?" My lips were shaking, so I could say those words weakly.

I cannot believe it. I can't believe Rod could say that. Without hesitation, I can't think that he can say we will all stop.

What have we been fighting for before?

How about mommy? How about our Jihan?

Am I wrong in what I fought for? Should I just listen more to daddy?

It was too late when I realized that my cheeks were wet with my own tears. I do not know how to feel.

"Jewel, I'm so tired."

I seemed to be stuck in the stand, my mouth wide open as tears continued to flow. I could not speak. I objected even if I stopped at the front.

"I'm so tired of giving you a good life! I-I am very tired of looking for a good place to live or even a good home. I'm tired of proving myself to you, to Jihan—"

"Who said that you need to do that?" I thought my system was weak, but those cold voices were still able to come out of my mouth.

"Rod, when did I tell you you have to prove yourself to your son and us?" The man in front of me is silent now.

"Rod, we love you. I love you, Jihan loves you, and you know you have nothing to prove to us. The house and a good lime, when did we ask you for that? Rod?! When did we complain?!"

He stood up this time and wiped the tears that escaped his eyes, maybe a little confused by what was happening. "You have no complaints yet. But the time will come when you will criticize me for all my shortcomings, Jewel."

"Let's accept the truth," he added. "Let's accept I'm worthless, and your daddy is right!"

"That's the problem with you!" I shouted. "You get discouraged quickly because of your insecurities! What do you believe in? Rod, if you can't believe it yourself. . . Jihan and I are the ones you should believe because we trust you! Bullshit! That's been your issue for four years! Are you tired? I'm tired too! But will not fight? What's that? I will fight, but when you are the one who feels tired, will you leave me? . as if we had not sacrificed–"

"Are you sorry? Do you regret it?"

Am I serious? I forced myself to give a direct look to the speaker.

"I've been through worst, Rod. I didn't force you to help me. At times that I need someone to talk to but you prefer to sleep because maybe because you are tired from work, I accepted that! I sympathize with myself! I haven't regretted a single day because I chose to do it! "

Over time, it seemed as if something sharp was piercing my heart over and over again. That doesn't stop, so I will numb in pain as well.

"You, Rod, do you regret it?"

I fear. I was afraid to know the answer, but I chose to ask. I am not brave, but I can not see myself still swimming in the sea of lies and pretense.

"Your daddy is right. . . you will not benefit from me. . ."

"Are you sorry?" I repeat. Want to know the truth. I want to hear the exact words.

"Rod! Are you regretting it?!"

"Yes!" that word resounded throughout the house. Deafening. It is deafening to hear the truth. "Yes, Jewel! I'm sorry—"

I was never able to finish him. I quickly went under the pallet. I took the big backpack from there and then started putting a few clothes from its cardboard box.

The whole house was quiet, and all I could hear was sobbing. I can not believe it.

I thought mommy's loss was the most painful thing I would experience this year, but there will be more. What happened in the fight? What happened to us until the end?

I could no longer look back at the man behind me. I just went straight packing.

It's late, and especially I don't know where to go, but it's up to you. Jihan and I are leaving. I will run my son to this place.

"Jewel. . ." I heard Rod's voice again, which seemed to be close behind me. "Jewel, I-I didn't mean to."

Hatred immediately invaded my system, then weakly laughed bitterly. I don't know what else is true of what the man is saying. I no longer know who he is? What else do I believe?

But. . . I am only sure of one thing. I'm getting tired too. I am also very tired of being a woman. I'm tired of being together. I am so tired of being married.

He was right. . . maybe, yes, I regret everything.

And if I am given the opportunity, there is no hesitation that I will repeat it from the beginning.