Chapter Twenty

I sighed a few times before finally entering Rod's room. I have never been used to these tubes attached to my husband, even though he has been lying there for a few weeks.

My husband.

Now, I just almost accept that. I have just been able to swallow what I said before and even hate him that much.

I may not be able to forgive him for what he did to me, but I can not afford to lose the man.

He was still my savior. He was able to save me from daddy, and he was able to fight for me. He was able to fulfill all his promises and our dreams.

I can't help but blame him. Why didn't he say all these? Why didn't we work together to solve the problem? Why did he drive me away then? Why did he hide? Why and how did he get the disease? Why does he have to suffer so much?

"Wake up. I have a lot of questions for you." I wanted to lighten my mood, but I also did not succeed.

I said a lot of bad things about him. I even wanted to kill him in rage, but it was different. It's different when what you see is true. It's different when instead of just looking at Rod's gentle face, I can see that there are only pipes of different sizes.

He is struggling.

We do not know when he will probably wake up. It's been a few weeks, but I still can't accept what's happening.

I was not even able to go home, so daddy himself came to me here. There he also found out what had happened. He apologized a few times because he said I might be angry when he offered Rod a job, but he also had no idea that the man was sick. He admits he really wants to get rid of Rod but not in such a situation.

I do not know if I have forgiven him or if I am really angry. I feel like I have nothing else to feel but pain. . . pain to see my wife struggling to fight his life—even if it is very difficult.

He has died several times. The doctor revived him a few times, and there I knew he was still trying to hold on. I know he still wants to wake up, so I feel more confident.

He's fighting. . . for us. So I have to be brave too because I know he can handle everything.

He's a perfect husband.

I will never forget our first month after we got married, and my stomach was getting bigger because of Jihan's pregnancy. How he would serve me and make me laugh. How he managed to lighten everything even when we are not sure what awaits us in those times. Never, ever did he leave my side. He did handle all the rants and, at times, when I was angry with him. He never, ever thought to himself about what Jihan and I always did. How we are and what he needs to do to keep the family together.

So why didn't I immediately notice the changes? Why didn't I immediately notice that there was something wrong?

He did not even think of himself. He was unable to prioritize himself, and at the end of his strength, he still worked for Jihan and me.

As for me, I thought of nothing else but how I felt. When mommy disappeared, I felt like I had lost my wings. I want to talk to my husband, and he will lighten my heart again. I thought it was all about me! That when I sought comfort from Rod, he could not. When I fought with my husband, he also fought with his disease.

I am the most selfish person in the world.

And I regret all that.

He's my best friend.

He is my story to all. He was the one I looked like a punching bag when I was bent over his teasing. He is everything. He also my diary and handkerchief. He's always there for me even though I wasn't there for him. he stayed by my side. I was the only one on his mind even at times, I blamed him for all my sufferings.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to reach for his hands. I want to complain because gloves are still between our hands. The doctor said that is necessary, so no matter how much I want to hold my husband's hand tightly and emotionally, I have not been able to do so.

"There were. How many weeks have you not opened your eyes there? Haven't you finished sleeping yet?" I want us to laugh together like before. I want him to suddenly hug me tightly and tickle me, and then I will punch him softly and shout.

"Jihan is looking for you. He said he doesn't want to study if you don't wake up yet."

As I always do, I just talk to the man. I hope he will suddenly answer the questions and I will say.

"When Jihan fails at school, you will be the one to pick him up, right?"

I promised myself I would be stronger for Jihan. I know the child is also very hurt, and I can only lean on him this time, but every time I am in this room, I forget what I promised myself.

I get weaker, especially when I see Rod struggling.

"Rod, come on. Wake up, please." I could not stop crying. I can no longer hold back the sobs.

"I'm really, really sorry. If I only knew. . . if I only knew it was different. If I just felt your pain. . . I-if I just didn't put myself first. I am sorry, Rod. Please. . . please, wake up and give me a chance. I'll beg-good, promise. I will fix all our problems. I will learn to cook properly. I will not overdo it with salt and pepper. I swear. . . just, please? Don't you dare leave again. . . "

My hands are shaking. I know I keep saying those words, but I still do not really lose hope that he will hear all that—that he will forgive me and he will wake up.

"Hey. . . I can see your nostrils down here."

My eyes widened. I looked up, and then I realized I was not really deceived by my ears.

"Rod. . ."

I did not know what to do for the first few seconds before I got up to call the doctor and report what had happened, but he quickly grabbed my arms.

"Stay here. I'm okay, and I just want to see how well you are. "

I cried even more at what he said. What I see is true. Rod was really awake, and he woke up for me up to say hello to me.

"Rod–"

"Everything will be fine, Je." I can clearly see his difficulty in speaking, especially since some pipes are also attached to him, but I can't help but be happy.

I still can't kiss him, so I force myself to embrace his hand and stare at his smile, telling me everything will be fine.

Everything will be fine.

"I'm very sorry. . . Y-you will recover, huh? Your child will be a lawyer, so we should always be able to support him. Then Riza brought a boyfriend here last time! You should scold her!" I finally stood up while still hugging his hand. I saw him smile.

"Rod, don't leave us again. . . okay? Everything will be fine now. D-Daddy wants to see you, and I said we will get married again. He's okay with it, Rod. You already have a blessing from daddy. That's your dream! D-don't you dare leave! "

I immediately wiped away the tears with one hand while laughing. Trying to alleviate the situation.

I felt his weak caress on the hands he was holding.

"Thank you for marrying me. . . thank you for fighting with me and for giving birth to Jihan. . . I-I love you so much," he said with sad eyes.

I could do nothing but cry. It has not escaped me that it is even more difficult to speak.

"Don't talk like that. Of course, we'll fight together because we love each other. Now, fasten your seatbelt, okay? It will be one of a hell ride," I said seriously and emphatically. Little by little, I feel scared, but I try to reverse it.

"Je. . . I'm sorry."

I closed my eyes automatically. It's hard and painful but let's fight, Rod. . . We should still fight.

The next time I looked up, it looked dark. I could see nothing else, and it was just centered on my husband, who just kept raising his eyes and shivering.

"Rod! Don't you dare leave Jihan and me again! ROD!" I quickly pressed the little red alarm that was there to call a doctor right away.

"Rod, please. . . please. Open your eyes for me!"

The response came quickly. The doctors and a few nurses were scrambling, trying to help my poor husband again.

This is not new. In fact, I have seen it a few times. Of course, he'll fight for us.

"Ma'am, you need to go out first. Trust Him. "

In the next blink, I was outside the room. My knees were weak, so I immediately fell to the floor of the hallway. I forced myself to say a prayer even in the last situation.

"Please lend Rod to me. I need him by my side. . ."