Chapter 13 Broke Us To Set Us Free
“I told you you weren’t going to last long,” Sebastian gloated, chuckling to himself.
After last night’s extracurricular activities, Kian didn’t mind the ribbing. Sebastian was the only one who could get away with it. He got a pass. Everyone else would be seen as blatant disrespect. He could feel eyes burning into him and the hum of whispers as he passed, but he refused to feel embarrassed by it.
Last night had been unexpected. There were still secrets between them. There were things that they would need to navigate together, but the moment his eyes mets her a week ago after discovering the truth that she was his fated mate, it had become increasingly hard to be patient. He wanted to tell her he knew the truth. He wanted to mark her and claim her officially as his Luna before the Elder Council and their pack.
She was about to reject him last night after he had finally gotten a taste of what it was like to be with her. Did she think that he’d let her go after what they shared last night? Did she truly think that it didn’t mean anything to him? His heart ached to think that she thought it didn’t. She didn’t know he knew, but he could feel their bond strengthening and fusing together every moment they spent together even if it was just speaking.
“You’ve already moved her into your Luna’s suite?” Sebastian asked and Kian nodded. “You know she’s going to freak out when she finds that out.”
Kian shrugged. She agreed to this path and he’d rather breed her in a comfortable setting, not that he wouldn’t breed her in his office again if that’s what she wanted. He’d breed her, fuck her, and make love to her whenever and wherever she wanted him to. He wouldn’t hesitate to satisfy her needs. She was his Luna-to-be and they were hers. It just made sense to have her occupy her chambers. His mother had already chosen some gowns and jewelry for her to start her collection for dinners and ceremonies. It was better for her to get used to the role of being his Luna anyway.
“Kian...” How Sebastian’s chipper tone dipped caused him to look up. The moment his eyes found Mia walking towards him, he immediately understood why.
Mia’s eyes were rimmed red and puffy. He could tell she had been crying and guilt sank inside his bones, knowing he was the reason for her pain. He had heard that she had been in the pack house earlier in the evening yesterday. He had found out from Sebastian that Mia was the last person Raina had encountered when he asked him to look into who was the last person Raina had encountered. He wanted to know what had happened to cause Raina to act like she had and then want to reject him afterwards.
She approached him almost unsurely and timidly. It was almost like she was uncertain if she would be welcomed.
“Kian, do you think we-we could talk?” she asked softly. Her eyes didn’t meet his and it caused his heart to ache.
He exchanged looks with Sebastian, who only shrugged before he walked off to give them so privacy. It wasn’t that he stopped caring for Mia. It wasn’t like that at all. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her. This was why he broke up with her in the first place, because he wanted to prevent this from happening.
“I…” she started. She glanced up and he could see unshed tears threatening to escape. “Do you think we could just go for walk?”
Maybe it was out of guilt. Maybe it was even out of feeling like he owed her for all the pain he was putting through. He nodded his head and she gave him a small smile. He led her outside where the garden was meticulously cared for. His mother still enjoyed tending to it and he’d often see her there. It wasn’t a surprise when he spotted her with the groundskeeper.
She quirked her eyebrow when she realized Mia was with him. It was a subtle warning. These walls held no secrets. It would get back to Raina, but he felt like he owed this to Mia. Perhaps, it was misguided, but he had been her rock for nine years. He had promised the world and back then betrayed her by not honoring those promises.
He knew where to take her. It was her favorite place where there was a pond covered in lilies and lily pads. It was a small area where they could hide away to find their own private paradise away from prying eyes. When they reached it, he watched as she walked up to the edge of the pond to gaze out at the lilies and the lily pads. He just waited patiently for her to gather her thoughts.
She took a deep breath before she finally turned to him. In another life, he would’ve kissed away her tears and hold her until she stopped crying.
“Is there something wrong with me?” she asked softly. A couple tears slipped down her cheeks. His hands clenched into fist as he forced himself not to reach for her. “Because I don’t understand. Raina isn’t even your fated mate yet you chose her to your Luna.”
He had keep reminding himself that embracing her would hurt her more. He needed to keep his distance for his sake, for Mia’s sake, and for Raina’s sake. “It’s complicated,” he told her. He grimaced, knowing that small response was weak even to his ears. As expected, she gave him a look of disbelief. “There are things that I can’t say just yet, but it’ll make sense when the time is right.”
“Did I just imagine it then?” she asked, wrapping her arms around her torso as if to hug herself. “Did I imagine you actually cared? Did I imagine you loving me?”
Squeezing his eyes shut, he couldn’t look her in her eyes anymore. His heart burned, because three years ago, he felt his world shattered when he did the unthinkable. He had broke them to save her from the world of pain he knew would come. He even at one point hated himself and his unknown fated mate for breaking the one person he loved above all else.
He broke up with her to save her, because his father had loved his mother so much. He had adored her and worshipped the ground that she walked on and he couldn’t resist the pull of a fated mate. Kian saw first hand what it did and how it destroyed his mother. He vowed he wouldn’t allow that to happen to Mia.
He destroyed all their carefully laid out plans for their future. He destroyed the dream they both actively envisioned, because it would kill him to see the love of his life broken. When she left three years ago, it took his mother talking him down from chasing after Mia and begging her to forgive him. His mother was the one that showed him the scars that almost took her away from him and she told him that if he truly loved Mia that he’d let her go. She said that if he still felt this devastated years laters and his feelings still felt the same way then perhaps he was strong enough to reject his fated mate.
For three years, he picked up the pieces by himself. For three years, he figured out how to live without her. For three years, he realized he could be happy on his own if allowed himself to be. He truly believed that he did it for her to find her happiness, but he also did it for his happiness. The way that his mother looked at Ace with a renewed joy of life, love, and the future, he realized that it was exactly what he hoped for. He had thought his parents had been madly in love, but seeing the absolute devotion in both of his parents for their fated mates, it changed his perspective.
Looking into Mia’s eyes, he sighed, knowing this was going to hurt her. “Mia, if you came back hoping that we would jump back to how we were…” he swallowed. “You probably shouldn’t have returned then.”
Her breath caught at his brutal honesty. He needed her to understand that nothing would come out of this. Even if he hadn’t found out that Raina was his fated mate, he knew that his fated mate would eventually show up.
“So you never loved me then?” she gasped, shaking her head. Her body shook with bottled up emotions. “You--”
“Don’t do that,” he whispered. The old wound broke open and his those old emotions bled into him. “Don’t. You know the truth, Mia. You don’t need me to tell you the truth. I spent nine years of my life with you.”
Tears fell and she broke before him. “Then why her? Why? If you’re waiting for your fated mate, why are you fucking her and not me? Why are you breeding her? Why is she meant to carry your heir but not me?”
“Because I trust her,” he told her.
“Trust her with what? I don’t understand, Kian. What does that--”
“Mia, you would’ve had my heir, because you love me,” he cut in. She was already opening her mouth to argue with him, but he continued to explain. “I can trust her to follow orders and commands, because she is above else a warrior at heart. I trusted her as my Beta to follow her Alpha—”
Mia shook her head. “You’re delusional if you truly believe that girl doesn’t have feelings for you, Kian,” she growled out in frustration. “She’s been in love with you for years.”
His heart clenched at that. Had Mia saw Raina’s feelings for him before he even did? He sucked in a breath to keep his emotions in check. How could he have been that blind to Raina? Did everyone know she was in love with him?
“Whether she is or isn’t, she is the one I still chose to be my Luna,” he told her softly, pushing his issues with Raina aside to deal with another time.
Mia laughed bitterly. “It’s never going to work, Kian. You’re just setting her up for failure and heartbreak. There is a difference between a Luna and a Beta,” she told him, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Most of the Elder Council still believe I’m your best candidate. That’s why they ordered me to return. They don’t trust you to make the right decision and I’m starting to understand why they feel that way.”
Anger sparked and flared within him. He knew exactly who on the Elder Council would order her to return. The Elder Council’s constant need to insert themselves in his business and question it, especially when it came to his mate and Luna, was no longer something that could or would be ignored. If they thought they could overstep…
“What’s going to happen when your fated mate finally shows up? Did you think of that?” she asked him.
He wanted to tell her that Raina was his fated mate and that’s why he wasn’t worried about that, but he didn’t. Mia was speaking out of pain and heartbreak. As much as he wanted everyone to know the truth, he had a lot to work on with Raina before he forced her into the spotlight like that.
“Mia, there will always be a part of me that will love you,” he told her honestly and he sighed as he raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t deny that. I never will, but what we had is over. Three years ago, I broke us to set us free. I had just hoped that you had found your happiness out there.”
Mia smirked at that. “Just because you want to be set free from the consequences of breaking my heart doesn’t mean you aren’t responsible.” She approached him, looking him straight into the eyes. “No matter how much you swear up and down that Raina is your Luna, it’ll never happen. The Elder Council won’t allow it. You know they’re just waiting it out, hoping you’ll come to your senses.”
He didn’t like her unwavering confidence that the Elder Council would prevent or interfere with his decisions. It only made his resolve to diminish the influence of the Elder Council over the current Alpha’s decisions stronger. No matter how angry he was with the Elder Council and their meddling, he refused to take it out on Mia.
It was true. He was responsible for her heartbreak and he wouldn’t downplay his sins against her.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for hurting you,” he told her. “I didn’t wish to cause you pain.”
“But you did, Kian. You can’t will it away, because it’s easier for you.”
He looked her in the eyes. “None of this is easy. It was never going to be easy. I wasn’t lying to you then when I said you were the love of my life.”
“But now?” Her voice wobbled, teetering as if she was afraid of his answer.
“I’m sorry, Mia.”
He watched as her face fall. His fingers curled into the flesh of his palm, distracting himself with pain. It felt like how it did a few years ago all over again. He thought again about what his mother had said when she showed him her scars from when she had tried to take her life. He hadn’t wanted that for Mia. He wanted to thrive, be happy, and most importantly, be alive and well.
He walked over to her as she crumbled, shattering again. She resisted at first when he embraced her, pulling her close until she finally wrapped her arms around him. Her face buried into his chest and he held her.
When she finally calmed down and looked up at him, he gazed down at her then pressed a chaste kiss against her forehead.
“You’ll always own a piece of my heart,” he promised her.
With that, he withdrew from her and walked away.
He heard her soft voice whisper: “It’s not enough.”
No, it wasn’t, but that was all he could give her. He left her at the pond and went through the gardens to return to the pack house. He felt the burn of eyes on him. His eyes flicked upwards to the pack house and he spotted Raina standing in the bay windows in her Luna’s suite overlooking the gardens. From above, she must’ve seen him talking to Mia. As if to add insult to injury, he could hear the crunch of footsteps behind him and he knew it was Mia.
“You already moved her into the Luna’s suite,” Mia murmured sadly and Kian nodded his head. It would be ridiculous to deny it. He made it quite clear where he stood with Raina to everyone last night and what he wanted. Instead of turning to Mia, he observed Raina’s reaction closely, watching the sadness and guilt shift across her features. “You always did move fast and confidently when you made a decision about something even if it was the wrong one.”
Mia started to leave him within the garden. His eyes glanced over at her retreating back before a thought passed through his mind “Mia, what did you say to Raina last night?”
“I told her the truth, Kian,” she said, looking over her shoulder then up at Raina. “She still doesn’t know her place yet, but she will.”
Anger flared at the seemingly innocent threat, but he knew Mia and that wasn’t an innocent. Mia may seem like she was all sweet and innocent, but there was a side of her that most people didn’t see or know. She had her claws and bite like most wolves. He loved that about her, but not when it was directed at Raina.
Her eyes met his and her eyes narrowed. “You should know I’d fight to the end to get what I want, Kian. I’m not going to make it easy on her for overstepping her rank.”
He walked right up to her, trying to keep himself from lashing out, but the moment Mia started threatening Raina was when all past history went out the window.
“You should know then, I’ll do anything and everything to protect what is mine,” he growled out.
She smirked. “So do I.”
With that, she walked off and Kian had to fight everything within him from going after her. Mia just needed to cool down. It was expected that Mia would lash out at Raina. He had given Raina the position in his life that he had promised Mia for years. He sighed, glancing up at the bay windows to see if Raina was still there, but she no longer was.