Chapter 150: Mia, I'm Sorry
The moment James wrapped his arms around Mia, he felt her body instantly stiffen.
Her body language immediately revealed her rejection and resistance toward him.
"Want it?"
The incredibly cold words came from her mouth, not caring at all whether they would hurt the person behind her.
Or perhaps, that was exactly her intention.
Mia didn't wait for James to answer. In her eyes, his approach meant only one thing—he needed to satisfy his physical needs. Nothing else.
Seeing he didn't move, not wanting to waste time, she raised her hand to pull down her dress zipper.
Her movements were almost numb, followed by even colder words.
"I have things to do tonight. Make it quick."
Ever since they signed that agreement, ever since he demanded in it that she fulfill her obligations, this had been her attitude toward him.
She basically didn't resist, but she no longer showed any of her former tenderness and sweet words.
All that remained was endless coldness. Even though her body couldn't resist him and would eventually respond in his arms,
every time it ended, she never showed him even a hint of attachment.
He had thought about forcing her to show her true self.
Before, when they were intimate, if he pushed her, she would bite him.
Now she would only bite herself, willing to hurt herself rather than give in to him.
He had no way to deal with her, and didn't dare push her anymore.
Their two hearts grew further and further apart.
Even when doing the most intimate things, he couldn't feel even a bit of warmth from her.
She truly managed to do it—just fulfilling her obligation.
The sound of the zipper being pulled down was soft, but it stabbed at his insides painfully.
James's body began to tremble uncontrollably. This must be what it feels like to have arrows pierce through your heart.
He raised his hand to grab hers, choking with pain, "No, I don't want that, I'm..."
"If you don't want it, then let go of me. I've told you, between us, we don't need this kind of hug."
Mia coldly interrupted him, pulling her hand back.
She had barely pulled it back when James gripped it tightly again.
He didn't let her go. Instead, he held her tighter, choking out an apology in her ear, "Mia, I'm sorry!"
That one "I'm sorry" contained so much of his regret and guilt toward her.
His chin rested on her shoulder, his gaze falling on her cold profile, his eyes full of remorse and pleading.
"I know everything about the baby now. I misunderstood you."
Every word carried the regret in his heart that he didn't know how to express.
He held her cold little hand and gently placed it over her flat stomach. The moment he felt her fingertips tremble slightly, he wrapped his large hand tightly around her small one.
He thought of the words Gabriella had accidentally let slip while tearfully confessing.
She regretted it too—taking Amelia's money and lying to him.
Lying against her conscience, saying that a mother who clearly loved her child very much had heartlessly removed an already formed baby.
She wasn't human for telling such a lie.
For a mother who deeply loved her child, this was like stabbing her in the heart.
She loved that child so much...
She said that when Mia heard her say the baby had died in the womb, she collapsed to her knees on the floor, begging her to save the child.
She said that when Mia agreed to sign, she nearly fainted from crying.
She said that throughout the entire procedure, even under anesthesia, Mia's tears never stopped flowing.
Mia cried through the entire surgery. When she woke from the anesthesia, two large patches of the pillow were soaked.
Thinking of these words, James felt his heart being cut by knives.
Every sentence was tearing his heart apart.
But how could this pain compare to Mia's pain?
When Mia learned she had to remove the baby she loved so much, how sad must she have been?
How much pain must she have been in to leave the hospital right after losing the baby?
His Mia must have been unable to bear it, wanting to escape from that place.
But what did he do?
He rushed over to question her, to distrust her, to misunderstand her.
He forcefully shook her off, watched her sit on the cold ground, and just left her there. She had just lost the baby, how weak her body must have been.
Why couldn't he think a little more—that Mia, who desperately wanted to divorce him, might lie to him when he didn't trust her and questioned her?
What were his eyes for?
Why did he only listen to her words? Why did he believe a doctor's words? Couldn't he see how reluctant she was to let go of the baby?
Couldn't he see that after losing the baby, Mia cried through the night until dawn?
Her reluctance to let go of the child was so obvious, yet he still hurt her with such sharp words.
Having lost the child, she already felt so guilty and blamed herself, yet he said the child would never forgive her for being such a heartless mother!
He was continuing to hurt her on top of her already bleeding heart.
James thought about all the terrible things he'd said to her, all the terrible things he'd done during this time.
Endless regret drowned him.
"Mia, I was wrong. I'm sorry, I'm really sorry!"
Only he knew how guilty he felt.
But he also knew that after causing such harm, his thousands of apologies couldn't make up for the terrible things he'd done and the terrible words he'd said!
But besides "I'm sorry," he didn't know what else he could say to her!
Warm liquid welled up from his eyes, flowing down his cheeks.
Falling on the side of her neck.
Drop after drop.
Slowly gathering together, sliding down, passing over her heart.
Cold, bone-chillingly cold.
"I shouldn't have easily believed Gabriella's lies, misunderstanding that you had the abortion to divorce me."
"I really didn't know our baby died in the womb because—"
Mia's body kept trembling. From the moment he mentioned the child, she had been trying hard to suppress her emotions.
She thought she had become invincible, able to perfectly hide all her emotions in front of him. Able to calmly face all his emotions without being moved.
But when he said the baby died in the womb, it still pierced her to the bone.
She couldn't forget, couldn't let go.
The wound that had never healed was torn open by him, still bleeding, the pain reaching its peak.
Mia forcefully pulled James's hands away, stepped back from his embrace, and turned around.
The tears that had been held in her eyes flew out with her movement, landing on James's face.
Mixing with the tears on his face, falling together.
Mia raised her hand to wipe away the tears on her face, her gaze fiercely fixed on James's face full of remorse and pain.
Her face was full of resentment, her heart torn apart.
"James, so what if you know now?"
"So what if you're sad and regretful? What can you change?"
"My baby can't come back! She can't come back!"
"I can't see her being born, can't see her grow up, can't hear her call me mommy, I can't hold her body and tell her myself how much I loved her! How reluctant I was to let her go! How sad I am without her..."
"I can't do anything anymore! I lost her, lost her forever!"
"Who? Who took away her right to live? It was you!"
"James, if you hadn't cheated during our marriage, if you hadn't held on and refused to let go, our baby wouldn't have had problems!"
He would never understand how much pain she was in when she chose to give up her most beloved baby.
Mother and child are connected at heart—she was cutting out her own heart!
"If only I hadn't been so useless..."
Mia's voice grew softer and softer, her tears falling in large drops.
Yesterday, when she saw the hat just like the baby's, having held it in for too long, she lost control.
The guilt and self-blame in her heart toward the baby had never lessened, not for a single day.
As time passed, it only grew deeper and heavier.
She trapped herself in guilt and self-blame, unable to get out, unwilling to get out.
She was punishing herself.
She didn't dare forget, couldn't forget this sin, this debt.
She used this method to torture herself.
Watching Mia go from breaking down in tears to crying silently, James once again faced her pain over losing the child.
Of all the thousands of words in his heart, only the most powerless one remained: "I'm sorry..."