ARIANA
In the morning, when I opened my eyes, I shivered. I found him staring at me as I slept. “What are you doing?” I asked, shaky with his old habits. I knew he was watching me sleep. That's what he used to do when we were together. He liked to watch me sleep. Probably because he would be planning to ruin my peace by all means.
“Don't take it wrong. I was just watching you.” He tried to explain himself as he sat up on the bed.
“That's exactly what I thought you were doing. Why in the hell would you do something creepy?” I asked, trying to sound angry. But I was actually terrified.
Enzo narrowed his head for a moment. Then a small smile appeared on his face. Along with tears. “I was cursing myself, reminding myself of what I have done and how my whole life is nothing but a punishment.” I gulped hard. It felt like he was guilt tripping me.
I crawled out of the bed. As I was about to stand up, my vision went dark and I lost balance. But before I could have fallen, a pair of strong arms wrapped around me. I whimpered as I knew I was pulled in his lap.
I was breathing heavily as he held me against his chest. “Calm down, Rina. I am not with the wrong intentions. I genuinely want you to get better. So you will never need me again. I don't deserve you. I know that already.” The way his heart rate went low when he was reassuring me that he wouldn't try anything. I wanted to trust him but maybe, I was too hurt to ever trust another man in my life. I was wronged by every single man I trusted in my life.
Little by little, my vision came back and I looked up at him. He turned his face to the side. That's when I noticed, he was crying when he knew I couldn't see. “You made it sound like I was the wrong one here. I gave you chances. You decided I wasn't worth it.” Even if I saw tears in his eyes, I was not gonna back down. I was merciless. The way he was when I was begging him. Not to ruin our relationship, not to kill our child.
He sighed, nodded in understanding. Then he leaned in and kissed the top of my head. “Yes! I know I don't deserve you. I never did. Despite the circumstances, you were the one who put effort in this relationship. You worked hard to build everything. And I broke it every single time. You don't need to feel guilty because I was the one who destroyed us.” He whispered softly, trying so hard to keep his tears at bay.
Tears rolled down my cheeks when I heard his confession. I had waited half a decade to hear him say that. “I am sorry, for everything I have done to you, to our child, and to us.” He whispered that apology while pulling me to his chest.
That apology was not for any kind of reconciliation or anything. It was for the peace of my own soul. I had been burning in the fire of my own rage and hatred. Because when he let me go, he didn't even try to apologize. He just let me go because I was so determined to take my own fucking life.
“I owed you this apology since day one. I did everything wrong. The way I forced you to strip in front of me. The way I hurt you more than once. I did everything wrong. But our relationship grew because you were always trying to fix everything I was breaking. Until your hands were bleeding with too many shards of that broken relationship stabbed into your skin. I'm sorry.” Holding me against his chest, his every word held a meaning. And it brought me the peace I had lost a long time ago..
I couldn't stop myself as well. I cried too. Just letting that anger and hatred for myself finally pour out of me. “Thank you! I needed this for my own sanity and peace.” I whispered softly, clutching onto his shirt.