ARIANA
It was the day when I was supposed to get started with my treatment. I was shaky and very nervous. My palms kept getting sweaty and I couldn't swear I was a second away from peeing my pants. Then a hand came and intertwined his fingers with my sweaty hand. “Breathe, Rina. Breathe. Everything is going to be fine. And I will stick by your side no matter what.” It was a promise. And I trusted his promise this time.
I nodded my head and we breathed together for a while. When the nurse entered the room he had booked for me so no one would prey on me or my insecurities, I nearly had a heart attack. Needles never scared me but that day, I was scared.
The doctor with her felt my doubts and uneasiness. “Trust me, Miss. You will walk out of this hospital cancer free in no time. You just need to be a little brave. I have seen people at their worst, hoping for a life ahead. You should set a dream as well.” It was the nurse who spoke up, trying to relax me.
Slowly, I nodded my head, letting myself believe in something brighter. I squeezed Enzo's hand when she pushed the needle inside. And the session started. “I think you should try and get some rest. That way, you won't feel discomfort.” Enzo whispered to me. I nodded in understanding.
I closed my eyes and let myself fall asleep. It wasn't easy at first but I was glad I had fallen asleep.
After the session, I wasn't feeling well so we went straight home. When I laid down in my bed, it wasn't as bad. Until I couldn't hold it in. I remember crawling to the bathroom because I had no strength in me. My body felt numb and my stomach was growling to empty everything at any moment.
I used all of my strength to reach the toilet. My face was in it as I let my stomach empty itself. My hair was soaking in the dirty water but I cared more about puking at the moment. Then someone grabbed my hair and tired it up in a messy bun. I looked up and found Enzo staring at me with a concerned look on his eyes that was kinda overshadowing the guilt in his eyes as well.
“Are you done?” He asked me when I had finally stopped puking. I nodded my head silently. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the sink where he helped me wash up. After that, he carried me bridal style in his arms.
I thought he was going to take me to my bed but I started agitating the moment he stepped out of the room he had set for me. “We had a deal.” I tried to remind him but my voice was very low. My throat was sore with a lot of puking.
When he didn't listen, I started punching his chest, just so I could make him listen to what I was saying. He stopped in front of his bed then laid me down on the side where I used to sleep when we were together. My heart raced. Past memories of our relationship haunted me and my head was aching.
“I can't leave you like this, Ariana. I can't let you suffer alone when it's my fault you are suffering. Curse me if you want but I beg you. Let me help you go through this. It hurts to see you struggle like this.” The way he said those words, it was clear that something had broken within him. It was his ego. The very thing he wore as his crown, had now shattered into a million pieces and he felt no shame even in begging.
He was crying just so I could agree to let him help me. I wanted to fight. Being around him reminded me of our past. And I couldn't stop thinking about the dead eyes of my child, even though I didn't see it. But that day, I had used up all my strength. I needed time to recharge. So I didn't argue. I just turned to the side where I wouldn't have to see his face all night. I covered my whole body with a duvet and closed my eyes. Hoping I would fall asleep soon.
(I dedicate this chapter to all the soldiers who are fighting cancer. You're gonna get through this. I especially dedicate this chapter to my friend, W. She has just beaten cancer and now is dreaming about her perfect future.)